Sex. Food. Life. Love.

How To Be Truly Cool...

2011-01-01T17:44:00.029-05:00

It's the beginning of 2011. And I am finding myself, for the first time in nearly 13 years, single.

I know - cry me a river. Lots of people break up every day. But come on...I was with my one and only true love 13 fucking years. People like me are why Barry Manilow records still sell in the millions. And I don't mean to sweet, old Babushka's in Vegas. I'm one part Babushka, so I can write that.

After a break up, the worst advice I can give is listen to "This One's For You" and "I Made It Through The Rain" and "Weekend In New England." Why is it horrific pop songs suddenly take on mythical truths after you break up with someone? It's like the songwriter deeply, deeply understands the mysterious workings of the human heart better than Rilke or Shakespeare.

I've been in love twice in my life. The first time was with a man I met in Seattle. Randy _______. He was a sweet, dumb and ultimately misguided white trash boyfriend. He did have a a rockin' mullet, though.

"He's a fuck around, I'm telling you, Mike." This was my sister, Joy. I was 20 years old. She had strolled into Dunkin Donuts in the Capital Hill section of Seattle where I was the Assistant Manager. I can still smell the sickeningly sweet smell of dough frying in dirty oil. My hair was constantly laced with thin strands of caramelized sugar. Like the donuts weren't fattening enough, we had to cover them with endless reams of ropey fake confection.

She walked in with her boyfriend at the time. Now, I love my sister, but on this instance, she was calling a spade a spade (is that racist?). She was telling me I was dating a male whore when her boyfriend looked like a whore as well! Her swarmy boyfriend looked at me and smirked. Then he glanced over at Randy and his mouth hung open.

Randy was an extremely skinny guy. Whenever he would wear shorts in the summer I would stare at his pencil-thin legs in wonder. They looked like hairy swizzle sticks. Like most men, all he cared about was his upper body. His muscular chest and arms were an odd compliment to his frighteningly thin legs. I was sure one day his legs would buckle under the weight of his body and he'd fall over in the middle of the street.

Randy was very proud of his hair. Most gay men in the Pacific Northwest in the 80's were. The top was extremely high and spiked, like a porcupine forced on it's back, it belly wiggling, the hairs on it's bare stomach waving like grain in Montana.

The sides were severely short and the back was very long and wavy. Whenever we would make love he'd drape his hair over my naked body in long, sweeping strokes and moan as if his male G-spot was being tickled with each sweep of his strawberry and cigarette scented hair. He found it erotic. I was both repulsed and fascinated watching him huff and puff as he whipped his hair over my skin.

At Dunkin that day, Randy was dressed in backless chaps and a leather vest and cowboy boots. And that was it. The leather buckles on his chaps kept getting caught in the sugar grinder, a demonic looking machine with various gears and numerous ominous black buttons you had to push in a complicated sequence to make it work. It was not unusual to be at the front counter ringing up a cherub faced soccer mom and her cute, white-bread children and be subjected to Randy screaming out, "Suck my dick!" or "Bitchcuntwhorefag!" whenever his buckles would get caught in the gears of the ravenous machine.

In 1985 we were 'married' in a faux ceremony in a big white trash house in the town of Ballard in Seattle. It was a lazy fishing town with no real personality or sense of community. I realize now how radical it was to be publicly married as a gay couple. The Seattle Times came to the house and took pictures of us for the paper. Oh, look Birdy! The gays are at it again!

I loved Randy very much. He was my everything. But the day I came home and found him in bed with our postman, Hal (true story; seriously), I knew it was the end of our doomed relationship. I never did get my mail on time after that.

Fast forward 14 years. That's 14 long years of hardly dating, hardly seeing anyone, seeing men but not feeling a flicker in my heart of anything more than passing gas from the bad Perogies I ate the night before. Until I met the man I would spend the next 13 years with.

And a little over 4 weeks ago, we agreed to end it all.

My therapist calls me a 'virgin bride.' Don't get me wrong. I ain't no virgin. I've had lots of sex in my life. Not mind-bending, all-consuming, Oh My God Keep Doing That For Three More Hours But A Little To The Right kinda sex. I was never one of those gay guys who love their DICK and only their DICK and think only of DICK.

Call me crazy, but I'm an old-fashioned girl - I like to know 'em before I fuck 'em.

I started this blog writing about food and my journey to TV stardom.

I pitched my cooking show to the Food Network. They listened and nodded and said, "We are all about food, front and center. The human angle? Not really us. You know?"

It's true. Watch their network and it's food, food, food. Which, okay, if you're obese or have a fucked up relationship with food it's clearly gonna be your cup of fatty hot chocolate but after awhile I found myself asking, Is this it?

Where is the emotion? The people? The questions we all ask ourselves late at night - Where am I going? What is my life about? I had an idea of how my life would be - why is it nothing I imagined it would be? And is Paula Deen really a woman or a transvestite?

A long time ago I subtitled this blog "Food, Sex, Love, Life" And that is what this is going to become.

Think of this as a self-help blog which will sing about the meaty subjects in life...all to the tune that is sweet, snarky and funny.

My Mother - God bless her, she's dead and she was a pain in the ass when she was alive, but she did give me a grand sense of humor. It's who I am. I am outrageous, loud, sweet, caring, overly emotional, grand, very gay, cute, charming, insecure, concerned about how I appear, a bit overweight, overbearing and glaringly human.

Just like everyone else on the planet. Okay, I'm larger than life in many ways, but that is my specific charm. Everyone has their specific charm. They simply have to find it first!

Everyone tells me the only thing they want in life is to be happy. On this I'm gaining a deep sense of a undeniable truth:

You already are happy. You just don't know it.

I realize that sounds like what Anthony Robbins might put on a bumper sticker, but the annoying truth is it's the annoying truth.

There was a book years ago that was a huge self-help hit. Some of you may remember; some won't; some of you will groan because you have a copy in your closet:

The book sold in the millions. It took a few years for it to catch on, but by 1974, this book was The Secret of the 70's. It's all about "Transactional Analysis" which is, fundamentally, about searching your past to find out how your needs weren't meant and how you act out like a child now to get them met. I know, crude baseline summary, but this is a blog and not the New York Times Book Review.

My point is the title "I'm Okay; You're Okay" became a joke for every comedian on the planet and every post-modern book, film or TV show in the late 70's/early 80's. It lost it's power.

I think it's high time our incredibly cynical society had a taste of this basic principal.

I'm Okay. You're Okay. It's really not much more deep than that.

I'd rewrite it to "I'm Cool; You're Cool. Cool?"

What is my point?

Right now I'm facing the truth of my life: I'm 46 years old. I'm single for the first time in 13 years. I was single for 14 years before that. My ex (so odd to write 'ex') is a wonderful, sweet, caring man who kept saying for a long time 'We are going out separate ways; we want separate things'. I finally heard him. He was right. Still doesn't take away the tremendous sadness of it all.

Which is why I'm writing this now, right as I'm dealing with the ramifications of my life. Most self-books are written after the author has been through six months of therapy and four book editors and fallen in love again...

My thought has always been, Where is the book that tells me how to get through the shit I'm going through as I'm wading through the tit-deep shit?

So to any of you who are reading to this and coping with a broken heart or a loss you feel is too great for you to handle, I want you to listen to me: You are not alone. You are never alone. You are loved. You are needed and without you this world would be a much darker place.

And yes, sweetie - there is a reason for everything. There are no accidents. None. Nada. Nothing is random, Shirley. Need evidence? You one of those cynics, er, realists? Look at your life. Comb the past and see the results of major, traumatic events in your life. I dare you to tell me you didn't find a deeper truth in terms of your relationship to yourself after the dust or the cocaine settled.

Let's make it through the hard times together, but let's also keep one eye on the prize we already have: We are alive. We have a chance to make our lives anything we want it to be. In order to do that, we must help others make their lives what they want them to be.

More on that later as well.

Happy New Year. Blessings to all of you and for God's sake, go ahead and order Chinese tonight. You deserve one night of bad food.

Now I have to run and go listen to "Read 'Em And Weep" by Barry again. I hope my neighbors don't call the cops again.

In love and light and wearing male Spanx...

mb

Why I Haven't Posted...

2010-10-12T12:59:00.002-04:00

I haven't posted here in a very long time for a number of reasons. The primary reason is a bit embarrassing to write: it pissed me off this blog never got me a cooking TV show.

I know, I know. I should have blogged for the sheer joy of blogging. But I'm afraid to say part of my ego was hoping my witty and intelligent writing would be noticed like so many others and I'd be whisked away into a studio and taped for all prosperity and have my own talk show/variety show/cooking show, but as you can tell...

I had endless meetings with TV executives, psychics, friends, cooks, hookers, colleagues, producers - I work in cable TV so I know how to do this. But...it never happened. Even my friggin' BOSS told me it was a good idea.

It never happened.

So I am left now with this blog. A blog I spent countless hours writing.

My hubby of nearly 13 years told me he was concerned about me. He said I have not been cooking. He has been traveling a great deal and I haven't had him at the house as much to cook for. I told him I haven't been cooking for me because I always wanted to cook for US. He pooh-poohed me. Said I cooked for me. Said he never really needed the cooking. Said the cleaning and the fuss and the muss and the money annoyed him. I then rambled off his top ten meals and he retaliated, said yes, maybe I did like all the cooking you used to do.

So why don't I cook for myself with him traveling so much? Why have I lost the urge to cook? It's true, I'm preparing to put up a new one-man theater show, but it's not up yet. Directors are reading it, I'm not in rehearsal, I finished writing it and I've got evenings free to cook.

What is happening?

I was recently in an independent movie. I was the victim of an alien probing. Yes, I know. How very 'independent movie'. The filmmakers are two very very sweet straight boys in Long Island. I adore them. They are hysterical and committed to their art. They don't get weird with the gay thing and always have very good reefer. Nice boys all the way around.

After we finished a day of shooting, the producer took me to his family's house for dinner. He had asked me weeks before if I wanted to have dinner and I said no. I was content to be depressed in my Queens apartment with my lover traveling so much for work. But the day got away from us and we ended up at his parents house.

I met his mother and father. Both regarded me skeptically. They're from Long Island. Everyone from Long Island was born skeptical. Not the most embracing of cultures, but once you are in, you're in. After his mother and father seemed to like me, they proceed to feed me. Chicken breast in a white wine reduction; homemade pumpkin cheesecake; messy and tasty blueberry pie with a homemade crust; cheese and crackers with fresh pepper and marmalade -- all to the constant whirring and blending of mixers and blenders and an extremely noisy dishwasher.

I loved it. I loved every minute of it. I got lost for a bit in how the family I grew up in was never this accepting and loud. How my producer friend could smoke up in front of his parents and they didn't care. How the food was a community thing.

My lover is partially right. I do cook for me. To enjoy the undefinable rush of assembling ingredients and the process of cooking and mixing and tasting and coming to an end result that is wonderful and never the same. But food and cooking is a thing of family and people. It's a sharing. I miss that. Now that's he's gone so much, I miss the sharing of food.

I said over 8 years ago when I first had the idea for The Food Therapist show, I cook to give back to people and to make them feel good. That is the reason I cook. I don't care if anyone doesn't believe that anymore, but I know it's the truth.

Maybe it's time I started to cook for myself and to share with me. What an odd thing to consider.

In any case, we'll see how much longer I keep this blog alive. I am still heartbroken this never resulted in a cooking show. Something I would have been so fucking GOOD at.

Youtube. Everyone tells me to Youtube. I don't know.

I just don't know.

Me & Dinah Shore...

2010-04-23T17:56:00.005-04:00

Look at what I found at The Strand Bookshop downtown today...

Oh, my.

I am so cooking out of this next week.

Dinah Fucking Shore wrote a fucking cookbook. Unreal.

Just WAIT until I tell you what she wrote.

Happy Friday!

Walk In The Shadow Of Love!

2010-04-21T10:34:00.143-04:00

For many years now, I've dabbling in Buddhism and yoga and mediation as a way to cope with my unfettered anxiety. Why I came to Buddhism is beyond me. I'm a nice little white boy from Washington State who grew up on chewy, over-cooked hamburgers and canned green beans.

My mother's version of a side dish was a container of large-curd low-fat cottage cheese with a spoon jammed in the center. Or a can of beets opened and spilled, red juice and all, into a large bowl.

If she was feeling fancy, she's jab at the beets with the end of her fork, muttering how much she loathed cooking and then proceed to be hurt if we didn't eat the mangled mess of red looking flesh.

I've read so many stories in cookbooks how cooks were inspired by their mothers or their childhood to cook.

Martha Anal Stewart waxing poetically how her mother used to beam down at her when she was a little girl in their pretty white, green and anal-retentive kitchen. She says she remembers how the sunlight streamed in through the garden windows, a look of unfettered love in her mother's eyes as sprinkles of flour floated in the air as her mother cooed to her and lovingly showed her how to make homemade bread.

Afterwords, they would hold hands as they cut the freshly baked bread, love pouring out of every orifice. They would eat the bread snuggled together by the living room windows, gazing at the snow falling outside and feel all warm and fuzzy and entitled as they slurped their freshly brewed hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows bobbing on top, like miniature dreams floating atop a perfect cloud of hope.

I had a slightly different experience.

First of all, my mother used to fart when she cooked. Like, all the time. It wasn't the smell of yeast in the air I remember. It was sulfur. We used to walk into the kitchen, hear the tiny sound of my mother farting away and know that the food would be good. For some reason, her farting equated a good meal.

When I was 8 and finishing my 3rd year of intensive psychotherapy, I finally understood when my mother farted a lot when she cooked. The more she farted, the less anxious she felt. The less anxious she felt, the more she could enjoy cooking, resulting in a meal that was not only edible but tasty.

Just like Martha's Mom!

My mother never cooked because she liked to cook. She cooked because, like many, many women before her and many, many women after, she had no choice. Eating out wasn't an option. That option existed only for people who grew up in Connecticut.

And, plus, she was raised to cook at home, so as a wife, she felt it her moral obligation. It was in her blood. And, clearly, in some perverse way, she passed it along to me. It's neither right nor wrong, it just was the way it was and for some women, still is.

My mother was mentally ill and had horrid IBS. That's Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

I'm sorry, but it exists. Let me guess - some of you'd rather not hear about IBS.

You'd rather I talk about the new vodka drink or engage in the debate about weather or not Britney sings at her concerts.

Well, vodka is wonderful but a dull subject and as far as I'm concerned Britney Spears is a hypocrite who is filthy rich and does nothing useful with her money (like Madonna and Simon Cowell). I have a problem with rich people like her.

It's not right she can get her clit pierced with a diamond stud while 4 year old Joanna Muwabi in Africa has intestinal worms and will die in 2 days if her mother can't find her fresh water.

Buddha was right, life is suffering, but I don't think he ever imagined our society would become this indifferent. Do you?

My mother was always very ashamed about her need to constantly poop. Her poop smelled so bad we had to have a fan installed in the WALL of the bathroom as a direct line to the outside to shuffle the stench out.

And to think I wondered as a child why people kept moving out of our neighborhood. Would explain why they changed the flight patterns of the planes over our house.

They say poop smells worse when the pooper is in a state of distress. I myself am a smelly pooper and am a very anxious person. When I am extremely anxious and take a long, protracted crap, the tiles in the bathroom shrink. The medicine cabinet mirror cries. My boyfriend stares at me in awe and says in a hushed voice, "Wow. Now that's something special."

Anxiety makes poop smell like poop. Let's just agree no matter how bad the economy gets, one should never, ever accept a janitorial position at a Anxiety Disorders Convention. One may never recover. One will lose one's hair. One will descend into madness. If you need money that bad, come see me. I'll loan you a few bucks until you can find something better. I wish such a job on no one. Well, maybe George Bush. He deserves it.

My mother was very ashamed. I think she should have had more pride. She should have shoved it in people’s face. Figuratively, mind you.

She should have said, "Yes, the bathroom smells like a Roman battleground littered with thousands of dead and rotting bodies – jealous? I have a natural skill and you do not. Fuck you, you insecure gnat."

My mother's humor is what saved her from being committed to the local funny farm and what saved me and my two sisters from joining her.

So we joked.

If we heard my mother fart five times it meant we were in for a rare treat.

The main meal, which was anything from Stuffed Peppers to Hamburgers to Hot Dogs to Tuna Casserole to Baked Squash, would be tasty. No weird ingredients, no misplaced mousetraps or tampons, nothing surprising. Just good old comfort food.

Four farts meant the main dish would be good, but you had to be careful for the sides.

Four Fart Sides could be odd. Like Metamucil in the green beans or blueberries in the potatoes. When four farts were heard, you prodded those lumpy mashed potatoes very carefully.

Three farts were tricky.

Three farts meant anything that appeared to be one thing could, in all likelihood, be something else. So despite the fact it looked like carrots it could, in fact, be turnips died with orange die and then put into the toaster for no apparent reason.

Three farts usually meant this was when my mother's mediation was shifting from one to the next - we called these meals the Three Fart Bi-Polar Transitional Meals.

Two farts, well - only two farts meant it was best to have car keys in hand as it was a sure bet one of us was going to have to jump in the car and drive to KFC.

You didn't want to be in the dining room on two fart nights. Two farts meant a load of tension was building inside of her and what was inside of the meatloaf was best left unprobed by human hands.

Most often my father would check the shed to see if anything was missing from his tool box, or on the rare occasion, if the bird feed was still in the bird feeder.

One fart, well, one fart was Armageddon.

One fart meant she had tried to make the meal and had failed miserably and most often would stop cooking and start taking any one of her multitude of pills. My mother was fun on one fart. On one fart nights she'd eat anything on the planet as long as she didn't have to do anything but drink her wine, take her pills and watch TV.

One farts nights were our version of Sunday Night Disney TV.

No farts? Luckily, we never had a No Fart Dinner Night. Such a night would have resulted in our own little production of Long Day's Journey Into Night, a production I'm glad I missed thank you very much. My mother was always one moment away from hysterical Katherine Hepburn land and it was best to keep pulling her away from the ledge. Trust me.

Otherwise I can't have said what would have happened to our three legged dog with a leaky bladder, Sparkle.

That Shepard's Pie on No Fart Night could have tasted like mighty 'pooch-like.'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last night, I made a tremendous meal if I do say so myself.

I made:

Vegetable and Chicken Rogan Josh
Dum Aloo (Whole Potatoes in Spicy Yogurt Gravy)
Aloo Paratha (potato stuffed bread)
Spicy Mango Chutney
Spicy Basmati Rice

The key to planning an Indian meal is just that - planning.

We are going to start the Rogan Josh first, then make the Dum Aloo. They both cook in a Dutch oven for 45-60 minutes so as they simmer you can make the rice and get the rest ready.

I know, work, but it's WORTH IT.

I have no idea why Indian cuisine is so appealing to me. I was raised a big meat eater. But with Indian food, it's sorta amazing to me how you really, truly don't miss meat. And this is the funky part - I simply don't want meat in the meal.

It must be the spices and the colors of the food.

Homosexuals like things that are pretty and sparkle.

First thing is first - I don't trust Americans with Indian food. If you're not Indian or from the UK, it's best we don't discuss Indian recipes.

Two of my heroes: Jamie Oliver and Julie Sahni.

Julie who?

Here I am licking her cookbook. Don't have it? If you like Indian food, get off your butt and buy it. Amazing stuff. She teaches cooking in Brooklyn Heights. I may even take a class from her.

Indian food for many Americans is still a new cuisine. We don't trust it. Which is a shame. The basis for the compassionate and humanistic nature of vegetarian Indian food is pretty cool. Narcissistic and egocentric fucks could take a lesson from Indian food. The stuff tastes amazing and you don't have to harm anyone or anything to make it. I know, a foreign concept to selfish Americans (New Yorkers especially).

My hubby loves Indian food but didn't trust me making it home. He a very wary person in general, but the idea of me making Indian food didn't excite him...until he tasted it.

And let me tell you...this shit is good.

Homemade Indian food holds over very well. Since most of the recipes have half (or none) of the meat of most American cuisine, the taste becomes deeper and more flavorful over time.

Sure, some chili's and braises are better the 3rd and 4th day, but do you really want me to tell you want a diet of constant animal protein really does to you lower intestines?

Let's cook!

Jamie Oliver and Indian Food - is there anything better? Not only is Jamie passionate and aware, but he's got a big heart, takes action in life and makes KILLER Indian food.

Of course, he's from the UK and my secret lover. Don't tell my hubby...

I love Jamie. Why? He makes cooking fun. Martha makes me tense, Rachael Ray is falling apart before our eyes, Mario is fat and mean but getting thinner...but Jamie Oliver? Just a good bloke who can throw food together from his gut, not from a measuring cup.

What you need for Jamie's "Rogan Josh":

1 1/2 pounds chicken breast, cut into 1 inch dice
1/2 head cauliflower, cut into 1 inch dice
2 large yellow onions, or white onions
1-2 large red hot Italian pepper or jalapeno pepper, 2 if you like it hot
Thumb size piece of ginger, peeled and cut into tiny dice
Olive oil
A spoon of butter
4 Turkish bay leaves
Salt/pepper
2 glugs of balsamic vinegar
1 14.5 ounce can of no-salt, diced tomatoes
1 14.5 ounce can of no-salt chicken broth, plus up to 1/2 can of water for thinner sauce
1/2 cup mild Patak's curry paste, any style works with Biryani paste a lovely choice (see previous post about Patak's ready-made Indian PASTE...not sauce, but PASTE)
2 handfuls of red Turkish lentils, or 'dal' as its called...these are not french lentils or green lentils, but red Turkish or Middle-Eastern lentils
1 cup natural Middle-eastern yogurt

The cooking of this is fun but read this part carefully - it takes a full hour to cook with prep being a bit involved - a good 20 minutes of chopping and prepping for dinner, so plan carefully. But OH MY GOD. It's worth it.

I've taken liberties with Jamie's original recipe. I've added/deleted and modified based on making this countless times.

I still love you, Jamie boo. Sit on my face, er, LAP please.

Let's start the the chicken dish first, then we'll proceed to the potatoes.

Let's prep:

Cut up your chicken and put aside in a bowl.
Cut up cauliflower and put aside in a separate bowl.
Cut up onion, chile's, ginger and put into bowl. Add bay leaves. Put aside.
Get your balsamic vinegar nearby.
Open up the can of tomatoes and chicken broth. Put aside.
Get your Patak's and put aside.
Have your open container of red lentils nearby.

NOW you're ready.

Note: Purists say you must use peanut oil or ghee (Indian butter) or vegetable oil for these meals...personally, I taste no difference when I use Olive Oil, so I use Olive Oil since it's much better for you body...so there.

Heat up a few glugs of oil in a pan with a spoon full of UNSALTED butter over medium heat. Add the bowl of onions, chile's, ginger and bay leaves - add a splash of Kosher salt. Cook until onions slightly brown. Watch so it doesn't burn.
Add cauliflower. Mix well and get all the yummy veggies on there.
Add the chicken. Mix, mix, mix. Liberally add fresh pepper and a dash of Kosher salt.
Add a couple big old lugs of balsamic vinegar and turn up the heat to medium high. Cook for 2-3 minutes.
Add the tomatoes and the broth. Really mix that up well now.
Toss in your tasty Patak's. Mix the hell out of it so everything is evenly coated. Very important.
Gently toss in your lentils and stir well.
Bring to a boil, cover, and cook for one hour, checking often to make sure it's not drying out.

Now, Jamie Oliver, bless his little tasty bum, says to add 3 1/2 cups of water at this point. My advice? Don't do it. I'm not sure what his thinking is here, but it makes it so watery. Add what I indicated above and keep checking every 15 minutes and add a bit of water if you must, but only add 1/4 cup at a time. A little water goes a long way.

Keep checking the chicken and when it's cooked through and the cauliflower is tender, you are good go to!

Dear LORD it's good!

Now...onto...

DUM ALOO!

Cameroon!

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

And no, I'm not going to be a drag queen. My hubby seems to think so, but he's limited in seeing my future.

Let's agree to let that go, shall we?

Let's cook!

What'll you need:

2 pounds small red-bliss potatoes, don't go with Yukon Gold as they will fall apart in cooking
4 teaspoons extra virgin olive oil
2 large yellow onions, finely chopped
1 thumb side piece of ginger, peeled and finely chopped
2 teaspoons cumin
4 teaspoons coriander
1 teaspoon tumeric
2 teaspoons red pepper, 1 teaspoon if you like it mild
1 teaspoon garam masala
2 large ripe tomatoes, cut in half and purred in a blender
1 cup thick, Greek or Middle-Eastern plain low-fat yogurt
1/4 cup heavy cream, optional

All of the spices you can get nowadays at a nicer grocery store. Whole Paycheck, er, Whole FOODS is great but too bloody expensive.

Try a local Indian spice store if you have it. If you don't, one of the best places to go for these kinds of spices is Kalustyan's Indian Spice Shop in Manhattan.

Yes, they are in Manhattan but do excellent mail order.

Buy from them and you have great spices for a long, long time.

Take a gander: http://kalustyans.com/

Let's prep:

Wash red potatoes. Prick all over many times with a pairing knife. This is to aid in the cooking and to allow the sauce to penetrate the flesh (I love writing that - flesh). Put in a large bowl with cold water as you prep the rest.
Chop onions. Put in a side bowl.
Chop ginger. Put aside.
In a small bowl, mix your cumin, coriander, tumeric, red pepper and garam masala. (Note: I've erred way to many times on putting in too much cumin. Use cumin sparingly and with only a level measure. It can overwhelm a dish.)
Quarter your 2 large, ripe tomatoes. Puree in a blender until just liquefied. Put aside.
Measure out yogurt. Put aside.

Now...this is an easy and fun recipe. Here is what you do:

Heat up the oil in a large Dutch oven that is large enough to accomodate the potatoes in one layer. Very important.
As oil heats over medium heat, drain potatoes and dry with paper towel. Put dry potoes in one layer in Dutch oven. Cook, moving around for 10 minutes until they are spotted and brown all over. Remove with a slotted spoon; drain on papertowel lined plate. Nice!
Add onions, lower heat to medium low and cook, slowly until brown, about 10 min. Chill with the onions. Don't go crazy. They can burn. Watch them.
Now add ginger, cook a minute. Careful it doesn't burn.
Add spices. Ah...that smells LOVELY. Cook a minute. Must always toast spices, lovelies.
Toss in the tomatoes, mix.
Toss in the yogurt, mix.
Add a healthy dash of salt.
Put in the potatoes in an even layer, cover, cook for 30 minutes or so until tender.

Keep checking to make sure it's not dried out.

When the potatoes are tender, add the tiny bit of cream. I wrote this as optional. But don't be a butthead. 1/4 heavy cream spread over 6 meals won't kill you.

Love you!

If the sauce is too watery before you put in the cream, then remove the lid and reduce it down a bit. But be careful the potatoes don't cook to the point of mush.

Now for the rice, you can just go to an Indian restaurant and get pre-made Basmati rice. I mean, I get it. You did the goddamn chicken and the potatoes and you've got the bread...but to me, Indian food without good rice is a crime. Just a crime.

So here is the easy way to make it:

LET'S COOK!

What you'll need:

2 teaspoons olive oil
1/2 yellow onion, thinly sliced
1 3-inch piece of cinnamon
4 cloves
3 cardamon pods
1 cup REAL basmati rice
1 1/2 cup water
2 teaspoons Kosher salt

All of the recipe books say you must, must, MUST rinse your rice. Poppycock. I've been making it one way for years and it's taste and fluffy and doesn't stick together.

Not much prep to do here except make sure you slice your onion early and thin.

And make sure the pan you make this in has a tight fitting lid.

This is what you do:

Heat up the oil in the pan over medium heat.
Toss in the cinnamon, cloves, cardamon pods in and cook until the pop. (I used to think 'cloves' mean 'garlic cloves' and could never figure out why they didn't pop...took me awhile to realize cloves meant CLOVES, tiny dark spices you can get at any store.)
Add onion; cook 2 min or so. Careful as it can burn.
Throw in rice; cook 1 min.
Throw in water, bring to boil, over and SIMMER for NO MORE THAN 17 MIN.
Check at 12 minute mark to make sure rice is not burning.
After max of 17 min, move off burn and let it sit for 15 min. Very important.
Take lid off, fluff with fork, remove spices and throw out.

Now, this is fine as is. But if you want to add some SPICE, do this:

Chop up one or two red or green fresh pepper, two garlic cloves and a tiny bit of peeled ginger. Measure out one tablespoon of no-salt tomato paste.

Heat up 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil in a skillet, add the spices and the tomato paste, cook for a few minutes, throw in the plain rice and cook for a few minutes and voila! Spicy rice!

This is one of those dishes that is lovely the next day or the day after. It tastes amazing heated up.

I bought some lovely store bought Aloo Paratha for the meal and it was fantastic. All you have to do is heat it up in a large non-stick pan for 5 min. each side.

Add the Hot Mango Chutney on the side and you have a brilliant meal!

Enjoy this my darlings!

And next week - what happens when a gay man is contacted by old, straight and married High School male friends on Facebook and the gay man reminds them they used to have increadibly hot acrobatic sex under the bleachers and in the bathroom and in the locker room and the straight men deny it until the gay man has pictures to prove it! Oh, it's a hoot!

And food is involved!

Cheers!

A Cupcake

2010-04-14T10:26:00.015-04:00

It would be easier to roll up the entire sky into a small cloth than it would be to obtain true happiness without knowing the Self.

Upanishads

I was standing in line at Starbucks and saw the above cupcake in the case. I had seen it many times before (and it had seen me). It was beautiful. Deep chocolate covered in this dreamy pink frosting dotted with tiny silver pearls of spun silver confection.

Amazing!

For as long as I could remember I wanted to take one home with me and just look at it. But I didn't. I heard voices in my head.

"A cupcake? In the morning? Sure, but hope you have elastic in that waistband."

"Please. I'll have a scooped out bagel with fat-free cream cheese and a triple skim latte."

"Wait. You want to buy it and just look at it? What? I don't get it."

I decided to ignore all of those voices and bought it.

Oh, what a glorious trip we had back to my office.

I perched it on the edge of my coffee tray. As soon as I got into my office, I promptly put it on the window ledge in the sunshine and took the photo above.

It looks like a perfect rose shining in the new Spring air. I don't know about you, but gosh, this sure made me happy today!

Of course, as Fate would dictate, I didn't know why I bought it today but I knew, beyond my need for a lovely food infusion, there must be a reason.

And sure enough, it arose.

I ended up giving it to a co-worker, a perfectly wonderful woman who asked me today where I was originally from. I said Seattle. She said that made sense. I asked why. She said because I'm not like most New Yorkers. She said everyone thinks of me as balanced and centered.

Me? Balanced and centered?

I can't take it. A lovely cupcake, a lovely interaction AND someone telling me I am coming across in a way I've been consciously seeking for years.

Well...damn Sam.

This all makes sense. As I've hinted, big, big changes are around the corner in my life. This only affirms the changes are indeed happening. I'm so grateful I could do a jig at my desk right now.

Let's take another look at that cupcake, shall we?

Not sure if it's visible or not, but one side of the top is smudged. The woman who sold it to me, a tall, lanky and extremely sensitive and feeling musician, said she felt bad she smudged the top of the cupcake.

I told her it was perfect. It's exactly like life - both beautiful and flawed, all at the same time.

Enjoy your spring day everyone.

Buy a pretty cupcake. Pet a dog. Pay a genuine compliment from the heart to someone.

Be thankful for all you have. And stop frowning. You really have no reason to frown.

Namiste!

Mikey

Boogie Into Your Life

2010-04-08T15:57:00.022-04:00

I was going to get deep and write some truly profound insights into the human condition, when this song came on and and dammit - I couldn't stop dancing.

Give it up, people!

Through friends of friends I'm setting up a meeting with the GM of Comix, a comedy club in Manhattan. Thank God he's nicer than most corporate entertainment people. Jesus some of them are vile. This guy is super sweet. Gay. With a baby with his black lover. Can't get much better than that.

I'm going to convince him to allow me to do an open mike soon. For the hell of it. My hubby told me I should do stand-up in NYC at least once. I agree. I can always say I did it once in NYC.

He told me that it's hard to fill the club with gays who want to hear a gay comic. That shocked me. I was trying to think about what to do for the routine.

I'm not of the bitter George Carlin style. He was insightful and funny, but bitter and pissed. Like a cranky but very smart old guy. Pissed off hippy.

I like Richard Pryor a lot. He was very funny and was talking about race stuff long before a lot of comics ever did.

Lenny Bruce was tragic and profane.

Lots of great comics had endless rage in them. Anger, rage, disappointment, frustration....I'm not gonna put that out there. I get it, I can be very funny in my rage and my frustration having lived for years in the most chaotic city I can imagine, but I don't think that's the way to go.

Maybe I should talk about bowels. That's a good subject!

I have this very juvenile tendency in that I’m fascinated with the lower regions of a person, meaning, their bowels. I know, disgusting, but it’s a part of life, right? That’s not the worst part.

I’m disgusted when other people bring it up but then I laugh like a little school boy when I bring it up. It’s disturbing.

My mother had irritable bowel syndrome. I think that’s where it came from, along with most of my neurotic obsessions. Her shit smelled so bad we had to have a fan installed in the WALL of the bathroom as a direct line to the outside to shuffle the stench out.

She was very ashamed of this and I think she should have had more pride. She should have shoved it in people’s face. Figuratively, mind you.

She should have said:

"Yes, the bathroom smells like a Roman battleground littered with thousands of dead and rotting bodies – jealous? I have a natural skill and you do not. Fuck you, you insecure gnat."

Something like that.

My very successful one-man show was all angst and humor and it was hard and painful but necessary. I am now in the process of letting go of so much shit. So much shit. Useless shit.

I need to latch onto my humor. I am a very insightful man with a solid sense of humor.

I think I need to use that.

Speaking of humor, what I would have given to be one of the writers on this very fine film:

Ego Shit

2010-04-07T12:24:00.015-04:00

It's been almost two months since I last posted. Much has happened in that time.

The most important thing has been a shift within me. Yes, there have been projects I have been involved in (a one-man show, the cooking show, more written work) but the real work has taken place within me.

My way of living is changing. How I relate to myself and how I relate to my creative work is changing. How I relate to others is changing.

It's unfortunate I cannot be as open as I would like to be on this blog. I cannot divulge all that is happening. Others will use it against me in ways which are negative and hurtful. I can't go there anymore with those people. I am sick of those people. They make me itch with anxiety.

So for now...suffice to say change is taking place. It's all very good but very difficult.

It's very interesting -- I wrote and performed in a one-man show off-off-off-Broadway 2 weeks ago. It was called "Me & Julie Andrews". It was the story about what I cannot write about on this blog. The process of writing and performing in the show was very difficult but very necessary.

Everyone has within them their true, wonderful selves which are covered with layers of shit. Shit about how they need to act. Shit about how tough they need to be. Shit about how rich or famous they need to be. Ego shit.

Ego shit drives so many people. They base their entire lives on trying to achieve their ego's needs. I am not pleased with this, but I can see now how that is not the right way to go. Sigh. To go that way is to live a life for all the wrong reasons. What a pain in the ass to realize that.

There is a thing in Buddhism called 'Right Action'. We all know what the Right Action is to take (the one from our hearts) but most of us never do that, but instead, what the ego wants. I think...I'm not sure yet as I'm in the midst of this, but I think...I think that's the absolute wrong path in life.

Fuck. What a difficult yet liberating awareness.

I know the kind of people who will never, ever understand what I'm talking about. They would look at me as if I were a lunatic or flighty. But I know I'm not. Because I've walked in their shoes. I know how it is they view living life. Their view is a fallacy.

Fuck.

Change is coming. And it's time. Change in a way I never dreamed. I'm mired in the muck of accepting the truth but I see glimmers of what lies ahead and I see it's good. Very good.

Fuck.

I've said before the only reason I wanted to do a cooking show was because I like cooking as a way to create and as a way to give to people. Pure creating and pure giving. Right now, I don't give two shits about branding or media or advertising or demographics or ratings or research or mind and emotional games inherent in seeing a cooking show on the air.

I gave two shits and it put me right where I needed to be. At square one.

The food in my cooking show was only a metaphor and a tool for waking people up the reality of their lives and their relationship with themselves. I got lost in trying to give unnamed executives in television what they wanted.

I am entirely unsure what the next step will be. I know I have to have a plan, I know I have to strive towards a goal, a way to create a body of work...but right now with this big change it's all about listening for signs, seeing what is around me and being the best friend to myself I possibly can be.

To today...

Wonderful New York

2010-02-10T11:22:00.095-05:00

It's not that people in New York City are assholes.

It's simply that they have forgotten how to be polite.

Case(s) in point --

Yesterday the following took place during a normal day in the city:

I held the door open for an elderly woman at a bakery so she could enter before me. A young man rushed passed both of us and said 'thank you', despite the fact he clearly saw I was holding the door for the older woman.

Two children were standing at the top of a subway platform in Queens - one was 2 and one was 3 - and both were crying and shaking terribly. Throngs of people passed and no one said anything to the kids or asked if they were okay. I stopped, asked where their Mommy or Daddy were. The older boy pointed to his elderly Mother at the base of the stairs. She was struggling to lift her stroller. Throngs of people passed her and didn't stop. I ran downstairs, helped her with the stroller and made sure she was set and on her way.

At my job, someone forgot to confirm an appointment because their daughter broke their leg. A person who shall go unnamed at my office demanded I force them to come to the meeting despite what happened to their daughter. I told this unnamed executive I didn't want to be a jerk to this person whose daughter broke their leg. The executive replied, "You're losing your edge. I thought you were a New Yorker."

Three times I entered stores and all three times no one held the door open after them, but instead, rushed ahead, never once looking behind them.

And as I was about to publish this, this just happened to me:

I was standing on the E train, staring at a fantastic painting on the train wall. It was of silhouette figures in NYC inside of buildings. You had to look closely to figure out where they were, but if you did look, it was fascinating, because you could see a gym, a school, a restaurant, a massage parlor...it was a visual detective game. How fun! I was engrossed in the painting when I heard someone gasp behind me.

I turned around and this young girl had fainted!

Now, in other cities, I think the way most people would react to someone fainting ten feet away from them is to help them. Not in NYC. Everyone actually moved AWAY from the woman, except for one large older gal. She helped the girl up and asked her if she was okay. Clearly, the woman who fainted wasn't. She was a little thing, maybe 21, and her face was as white as the driven snow.

The woman gave her a piece of candy (I guess thinking she fainted because she was a diabetic). It was a lovely gesture, but please, you don't FAINT on a subway in NYC because you forgot to eat your Reese's before you left the house. The older woman then walked away from the girl and said she'd be fine.

Clearly, the young girl wasn't going to be fine. She was white as a ghost, her eyes kept lowering and she was nodding forward. We were coming to my stop in the city. Now, what went through my head was this: my boss is going to be annoyed if I'm not at my desk when he wants me to be at my desk. I should go to the office and let the girl do her own thing. But here is the rub: I knew that wasn't the right thing to do. I knew this was Life saying, Okay - what you gonna do, Son? You gonna step clear of her like everyone else is? Or you gonna step up?

I looked down at this little thing and knew what I had to do. I bent down and told her on the next stop I was going to get off with her and take her to the doctor. She mumbled something to me in Russian. I said I wasn't taking no for an answer. I looked behind me and asked if anyone would help me get her off the train and to a doctor.

Everyone said they had to go to work.

No one helped.

Matter of fact, they looked away. The women around me stared at me with wide, open and compassionate eyes but were unwilling to help.

I helped her off the train, rubbing her back the entire time. Poor thing. I got her to sit down and told her to sit still until I got back. She mumbled "Okay. Thank you..." and off I toddled and met an MTA employee, Dan Waldroff.

Dan came over and got her medical attention. I gave her my number and left. Before we parted I asked her name. "Tatiana" she replied, a smile on her face. Tears welled in her eyes. "Thank you very much. I must get my family members now," she said. I patted her on the back and left.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm no nun.

I don't write this to illustrated how loving and caring I am.

I write this to illustrated how people who live in New York City are conditioned to be tough, abrasive and self-absorbed.

If you were to stop any of the people in any of these situations and explain to them how they were being unaware, you would get one of two reactions:

A) Confusion - they would have no idea there were other people there besides themselves, or...

B) Defensiveness - they would say they were being nice enough but they have a job to keep and things to do and have to leave. NOW.

This is the great flaw of daily life in New York. It is a tough town and people lose their center and become tough to survive. It's very ego-driven at the cost of basic kindness.

To do the right thing means to be in touch with your mores, aka, what sociologists would define as the conventions that embody the fundamental values of a group.

Everyone on that train knew the socially correct thing to do was to help the girl. The values we embody support kindness and helping others. But for some reason we don't always act on those.

I feel we all have an obligation to ourselves but to others as well. That is the reason I write this blog. The cooking show idea is now non-existent, so this forum is simply my way of supporting and advocating the display of social mores, albeit with cooking or with art.

It's like RuPaul always -- "I like to be sassy, not bitchy." Couldn't agree more.

Sassy is fun. Bitchy is tired and annoying!

Can I get an amen?

AMEN!

Which is why yesterday I had to make a warm, comforting meal at home. It was so good, I had to blog about it.

Try this and you will be amazed. It's a long one - about 3 hours from start to finish - but the prep and cooking time are only about 45 minutes.

May I present...

Mikey's Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Pork Chile Verde!

Sometimes I make a meal that is so good Andy and I just stare at each other in amazement. This was one of those meals.

Come with me darlings as we COOK UP A STORM!

Prep time: 45 minutes to 1 hour

Cooking time: 2 - 3 hours (very little supervision required; it cooks in the oven in a covered pot)

Serving size: 6

WHAT Y'ALL ARE GONNA NEED:

3 pounds pork shoulder*, cut into golf ball size chunks
2 teaspoons Kosher salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1/2 cup unbleached flour
1-2 tablespoons of Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 large white onions, diced fine
2 red peppers, diced fine
2 fresh poblano peppers, diced fine
3 jalapeno peppers, diced fine
3 serrano peppers, diced fine
4 garlic cloves, sliced thin
1 pound roasted tomatillos, roughly chopped
2 teaspoons cumin
2 teaspoons Mexican oregano
2 teaspoons coriander
3 bay leaves
1 cup packaged Verde salsa
2 cups no-salt chicken broth
2 pounds Russian golden fingerling potatoes
Toasted flour tortillas
Sour cream
Freshly chopped tomatoes

----------------------------------------------------------------------
For the pork - it's very important what kind of cut you get. I go to an amazing butcher in Manhattan -- "L. Simchick" -- they are at 988 First Avenue in NYC (tel: 212-888-2299). Always try to get either the 'shoulder' cut of pork or a 'Boston Butt' cut.

They are both a bit more fatty and break down beautifully in a long roast. They taste like butter when they are cooked for long periods of time. The loin, a much more popular cut, is easier to find but very dry. It's worth the hunt to do this right and get the shoulder cut, or Boston Butt. Trust me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

HOW Y'ALL ARE GONNA COOK IT UP:

Preheat your oven to a nice, even 300 degrees. Make sure the oven rack is in the center of the oven. You want slow, even cooking. You are kinda making your own Crockpot in the oven.

Put your tomatillos in the oven to roast while you prep everything. Line a jelly roll baking sheet with aluminum foil. Remove the paper outside from your tomatillos (which are simply green tomatoes - the ones I buy are already shucked from their paper skins) and cut them lengthwise. Spray the aluminum foil with Pam Organic Olive Oil and then lay the tomatillos, cut side down, on the foil. Give a healthy spray over the tops and salt and pepper. Place in the oven and let roast as you prep the stew. Keep an eye on them. You want them to have a nice brown exterior. A lot of their moisture will leak out as they roast.

Have your bottle of liquid olive oil nearby. You may need it for the pork.

Cut up your pork, trimming off any excess fatback and saving a 2-inch piece to the side. Make sure your pieces are healthy looking 'golf-ball' size. Put aside in a bowl.

In a separate bowl, pour in your flow with 1/2 teaspoon Kosher salt and 1/2 teaspoon pepper. Mix it up.

Cut up your onions and all three varieties of peppers. Put aside in a large, separate bowl. I do not seed my peppers and I don't think you need to for this recipe. I find it to be a pleasant shade of 'hot'.

Measure out your cumin, oregano and coriander in a small bowl and set aside. Slice up your garlic and put it in the same little bowl with the spices.

If you have enough measuring cups, I recommend measuring out your canned Salsa Verde and your Chicken Broth. It's easier to enjoy cooking if you have them nearby.

There is no need to prep the potatoes in advance. You simply can wash them and have them nearby. Most Fingerling Potatoes cook very rapidly and don't need to be diced. I dice the large ones for easier and more enjoyable eating...entirely up to you.

Now - salt and pepper the pork pieces you cut and then roll in the flour. Shake off any excess but make sure all sides of the pieces are coated.

You work that Pork Verde!

Heat up a large Dutch oven. Make sure you have a tight fitting lid you can use later in the process.

Put in 1/2 of the 2 inch piece of fat back from the pork and render it (meaning, melt it until it's liquid). Add enough pork pieces to fill the bottom of the pan but DO NOT CROWD THEM. If you do, they will NOT brown. Better to go slow on the process. This is key to tasty pork.

Brown the pork on all sides, small batches at a time. Use a bit of your olive oil if it's too dry or if it's too smoky. There is no science to this part. You just gotta get a hankering for it.

Transfer the batches of browned pork to a large bowl.

Once the pork is done, if there is no fat in the Dutch oven, pour in 1 tablespoon of olive oil, heat it up for 2 minutes, then add your onions and peppers, with a dash of salt and cook for 5-6 minutes.

By now you should take your tomatillos out of the oven and let them cook a bit on the stove. When they are cool, you want to cut them up a bit, if they are not too hot too the touch. They will be very moist and mushy. Try to save the juice that comes out of them. I like to take them off of the aluminum foil and cut them on a cutting board with a little side 'alley' that catches the juice, or else you have warm tomato juice all OVER the place.

After the onions and peppers are nice and tender, add in your garlic and spices and cook for 2 minutes. Then add the roasted and diced tomatillos. Mix all of that up now. You want the veggies coated with those yummy spices.

Throw in the browned pork, your bay leaves, the salsa and the chicken broth and gently stir until it's all nice and covered. You want to make sure the meat/veggie mixture is covered by at least 1 inch of the chicken broth/packaged salsa Verde liquid.

Put on the lid and pop in the oven for AT LEAST 60 minutes. 90 minutes is best. Mix every 30 minutes or so.

BE CAREFUL AS THE POT IS HOT.
Andy always forgets and burns himself, silly man!

After 60-90 minutes, throw in your potatoes, mix it up and then put it back in the oven for 30 minutes.

You are now at the 2 hour mark. Take it out of the oven (USE OVEN MITTS) and put it on the stove top over medium heat and let it cook for 30 minutes with the top off. You want it at a healthy simmer.

When the mixture has reduced down and is thick, give it a taste for salt and pepper.

Serve with either toasted pita chips or tortilla's. Add some sour cream and/or fresh red tomatoes on the side and you are set.

Enjoy this amazing meal my little darlings!!!!

xoxo

Mikey Bryan
Your Sex, Food, Love Therapist...

Fantastic CHOPPED SALAD, how we're all Wonder Woman and a deep truth revealed...

2010-01-29T11:30:00.022-05:00

For those who love it, cooking is at once child's play and adult joy.

Craig Claiborne

I had an epiphany the other night.

It was while I was cooking a rather elaborate Mexican feast for myself and my husband. The TV was off. No music, no Internet, no nothing. Peace and quiet. I live in a very quiet part of Queens and in a very quiet building, which suits myself and my husband. We like a quiet home.

It was me in the kitchen. Andy was still teaching and I had the night to myself. I could feel a rather vile head cold coming on, but I refused to let it drag me under. I wanted to cook.

Since late November of last year I've had very little interest in this blog or this project. I felt I had been through the ringer.

4 years, countless producers, investors, TV executives and endless reams of writing had produced not one viable bite on this project DESPITE the fact everyone told me it was a good idea DESPITE the fact I was told COUNTLESS TIMES I'm meant to be on TV DESPITE the fact I know tons of people IN cable TV who could have made it happened IF they were a bit nicer or kinder or giving.

It never happened. I got sick in late November. I hardly got out of bed in December. My husband wanted me to take anti-depressants. I said, Fuck that - give me a Broadway show and I'll be fine.

Add onto that the endless discussions I've had with people about the cooking show and non-stop litany of people telling me why cooking at home is a foolish idea.

Here are the top ten reasons people tell me they don't cook at home:

"It's messy. Like you."

"Too expensive. I'd rather save my money for things that matter, like a new round of Botox or a hot hooker."

"So time consuming. Wouldn't you rather be shopping for clothes? Or watching TV? Or anything else besides cooking? Shopping and planning and reading the recipes...please. What kind of a gay man are you anyway?"

"I can't be bothered. All of that chopping and mixing? And carrying groceries? No thank YOU."

"Who has the friggin' time? I sure as hell don't. You try to balance a career, husband and two needy teenagers. I'm a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Put a knife in my hand and violent things are bound to happen."

"Food? Please. I eat pills. I don't eat food."

"I eat to live, not live to eat. There is a difference. Which is why I only eat bagged lettuce and pre-cooked chicken with low-fat dressing and NO CARBS. Ever. Ruin this waistline? Get a grip."

"Lean Cuisine. Mix two of those up, zap them and dinner is on the table in 8 minutes and only 500 calories. Throw it away...no mess, no fuss and you're done."

"It takes patience and skill to learn to cook, neither of which I am interested in."

"I'm too busy. No one cooks at home anymore. Only bored housewives in South Dakota have the time. There is a reason God created take-out. Hello?!"

I have no interest anymore in trying to convince people who don't like to cook why cooking at home is such a fun, enjoyable and loving thing to do.

I'm done.

Let them have the same thing every day, let them eat take-out every night, let them be either too skinny or too fat - I am no longer carrying the flag to increase awareness for those who find endless reasons not to cook.

It feels good to write that!

I realized there was a problem in December when I became resentful of people approaching me and suddenly, without any provocation, talking to me about food.

It happens all the time.

I'll be in the supermarket and women will come up to me and ask me to help them pick produce or how to cook a meal...soon we'll get to talking and I'll have a whole bevvy or cooking broads chatting up food and recipes. It's a gas!

I became angry in December because I was hurt at being dismissed so often about The Food Therapist cooking show. I felt bad it never became a reality so I divorced myself from cooking. I found myself listening and actually agreeing with the people who said those classic I Hate Cooking lines above.

Agreeing.

Yikes.

So a new, much more realistic day is dawning with my cooking. I am a good cook. I gravitate to food, I know how to cook and I am meant to eat. It is a strong part of who I am.

THUS...this blog and all of my food-related stuff will be directed only to those who love to cook. While I respect all of those who uttered and continue to utter those lines above, suffice to say on food and cooking we will never bond unless they come to their sense because I, for one, LIVE for my senses.

For the REST of you lovely home cooks out there...

LET'S COOK!!

Chopped Salads

I've resisted making chopped salads at home for years. I am not a salad fan. My husband loves salads because they are so healthy, but for me, they never, ever taste very GOOD or are very interesting.

I'm not sure if this is big in other parts of the country, but in New York City people are really, really, REALLY into chopped salads. I never understood the thing with chopped salads.

Well! I've certainly changed my mind.

For years now I've made salad by tearing up lettuce, chopping some chicken breast, serving with a healthy dressing and a bit of bread on the side and each time I come away - YUCK.

I watched a recent chef make a chopped salad and realized that he did exactly as the name implies - chopped all of the ingredients to DEATH and then mixed them all together. Now, to be fair, he did have a giant commercial chopping device that looked like this:

You don't need this at home. What this does in a commercial setting is chop the hell out of anything laid in front of it. And I realized that is what lies at the heart of why chopped salads are so good. There is a seamless mix of textures and tastes here that make these very tasty salads.

BUT...and this is a big but (which could result you getting a big 'butt') you still need to watch what you put into these salads. It's very easy to hide fat and calories in this dish. So watch your intake.

I made one the other night and this is what I did.

I got 4 large bone-in, skin-on chicken breasts. If you have an aversion to bone-in, skin-on, get over it. Roasting these breasts results in extremely tender chicken that chops beautifully and tastes great in a salad.

Heat your oven to 450 degrees. Line a jelly-roll pain with heavy duty aluminum foil. Wash and pat dry your breasts. Ha...'it rubs the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again!'. Sorry...I digressed.

Rub a tiny bit of olive oil on the breasts and salt and pepper them.

I think now is a great time for a little Martha giggle:

Back to the food...

Bake the breasts until the juices run clear and the skin is lightly browned, 35 to 40 minutes. Take out of oven, let cool. Carefully shred the meat from the skin and bones (checking thoroughly for bones or skin).

You can make this up to 2-3 days in advance of assembling the salad.

Cut the chicken into tiny dice, set aside.

For the lettuce, I like Romaine for a chopped salad, but Boston lettuce is a nice change of pace (a rather meaty lettuce) or Iceberg (which I find reliable but a tad dull).

Chop the the lettuce very fine and put in a large bowl. Lightly salt and pepper.

Put in the chopped chicken and toss.

I like the chop very fine and add the following:

Bunch of fresh radishes
2 bunches of scallion, washed thoroughly; chop green and white portions
2 large carrots, skins removed, cut length wise and into small matchsticks
1 large red bell pepper
1 large yellow pepper
1 large hothouse cucumber (seedless), sliced lengthwise and dice small

I also like to add parboiled asparagus or broccoli or hard boiled egg to this...the possibilities are endless!

For cheese, I like to add maximum flavor with minimum calories. For me, I like to add either Authentic Stilton Crumbly Blue Cheese or Aged Parmesan Reggiano cheese. Both require very little but impart a very strong flavor. 1/4 cup of Blue Cheese or 4 tablespoons of the Parmesan Reggiano.

For dressings, I forgo the usual bottled dressings. They are filled with sodium and making your own at home is ridiculously simple. All you need do is mix 1/4 cup olive oil with a teaspoon or two of lemon juice and perhaps a teaspoon of creamy or grainy Dijon mustard and 2 cloves minced garlic. You can also add fresh herbs, such as basil or thyme or sage. Mix up and put on a bowl on the side so guests can pour over at their leisure.

I always serve this with a French baguette. To not do so would be a crime. Stop by any local boulangerie or, if you must, get one at the supermarket.

The trick is to enjoy making the salad and make sure it tastes good to you. As those who cook now, the joy you can have in the kitchen is endless...not matter what the food haters or the world say. Celebrate the Wonder Woman in all of you!

Bon appetit!

I'm Mad As Hell! I'm Not Taking It Anymore!

2010-01-07T16:53:00.023-05:00

I've been hearing a word tossed around a lot lately.

"Gaystream."

According to the often insulting but vaguely interesting website Urban Dictionary, this is the definition of the word Gaystream: "...popular culture marketed to queers. Vaguely liberal and often conciliatory to white hetero standards."

There are two words in this sentence which should bother you, gay and straight: "Vaguely" and "Conciliatory." Why?

Because on it's own, conciliatory means, of course, to make concessions. However, when it comes to publishing literature, or making movies or developing TV shows that are created with this dogma in place, what will be done is the work will be 'vaguely' liberal and muddled and perhaps a bit open minded, but in the end, 'conciliatory' to heterosexual standards (read: conservative heterosexual standards of those living in states like Texas and South Dakota) because publishers and executives and those in power want to have their queer cake and eat it to, they want money, gads and gads of money, and in the end, we all know this will result in very sour cake indeed.

We have taken a giant step back in the progression of a society as a whole. Gone is the celebration of individuality, gay or straight, and in it's place is a homogenized sensibility lacking any viewpoint and passive aggressively intent on squashing anything which causes us to feel any sense of unease or challenges us.

We are tired, we are broke, we want to do nothing but sit in our chair and watch TV and be left alone. We want to make our salaries and make our car payments and mortgage payments, and go out to dinner on Friday night and be left alone.

Now is the time where the rally cry of Howard Beale of Network needs to be heard. "I'm not going to leave you alone," he feverishly said into America's television sets in 1976. "I want you to get mad!" he bellowed. "I want you to say, I'm a human being, goddammit! My life has value!"

We need to get mad. We need to feel something more than this complacent ambivalence everyone is so fucking proud of. As a gay man, I feel a certain fury knowing movies, TV and popular 'gay' fiction will not challenge mass culture with showing new ideas and open sexuality, but will, instead, give me the same old package but in a new ribbon.

But the part which is the most offensive is they will tell us this is a NEW way of thinking and this is PROGRESSIVE and we are now seeing other people for who they really are...when we are not seeing them at all.

Queer culture, alternative culture, any culture truly outside of a white heterosexual nuclear conservative family unit will never be fully revealed in mass media and this is 2010. It feels like it's 1955 and it's 2010 and the most disturbing part of this is people think this is what they want and it is the exact opposite of what they need.

Of course, Bush is to blame for having set this agenda in place and hammering it home. Of course, the Conservative agenda is strong and in place. It is taking over parts of the black community and the Spanish communities. God plays a huge role in certain parts of society and God does not like man to bed with man or woman or bed with women and He CERTAINLY does not like transgender to bed with anyone.

I am worried and disturbed more people are not worried and disturbed that we have regressed to a time of invisibility for the true individual. I blame gays for sitting back and not taking any action and they should be ashamed.

I loathe gay men who tell me they are looking for 'straight acting' men to have sex with. Why on EARTH would they want to have sex with a 'straight acting' man? That is a man who is perpetuating the worst parts of being straight! And what IS a 'straight acting' man? Why don't you want to be with a gay man? Leave the straight men to their wives or girlfriends. Why do you chase after what you can't have?

I know countless straight men who would find that term absurd, yet gay men use it constantly to denote their desire to be with the dark man, the real man, the all powerful 'masculine' man who will deliver them from their own disgust with their own homosexuality.

The reason gays are still unaccepted in this society and the reason we will never be accepted in this society and the reason people of all shapes and colors and sizes will say God does not love us or God had decided we are not due the same legal rights as heterosexuals is because gay men (and, to a lesser degree, gay women) don't feel they deserve these basic human rights and feel they have the right to fight for them.

Gay men hate the fact they are gay.

They hate their sexuality and queer spirit.

Being gay is not all I am or all anyone who is gay is, but it's a very large part, just as being straight it.

Until this ends, the hate for us will never, ever end. And as a result, racism will continue to silently grow as it does and no one will ever realize we are all one giant 'thing' and not these separate pockets of futile lives. It will never change.

Of course, most of this thinking is by people over the age of 40. This sort of talk about internal homophobia and sexuality and racism confuses the hell out of younger people. They don't get what it's all about. They may not agree everyone has the same rights as everyone (it's the old God thing, they were raised to think God love selectively) but they wouldn't consider taking action to stop others from living the lives they want to live...not so the case with the Old Guard.

Now go eat a donut with someone who doesn't have the same color skin as you or doesn't sleep with the same gender as you.

It's time we all evolved.

The New Homosexual

2010-01-06T10:33:00.025-05:00

Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly
as an account of misfortunes
at which the hearer is permitted to laugh.
Quentin Crisp

In the summer of 1990, I went to The Angelica movie theater in downtown Manhattan and saw a movie about the personality/author/all around fabulous queer Quentin Crisp. It was called Resident Alien.

The Angelica is a horrid little theater, with tiny spaces crammed full of mostly pretentious Manhattan moviegoers who have nothing but black clothes and snobbery in their closets. Most of the films which play their are alternative and rarely shown outside of the four biggest cities in the country. While I always will applaud alternative independent movie theaters, I don't applaud the fact most of the movies there are depressing, dull and lack any enthusiasm for life.

It was a hot summer and I hated life in NYC. I was working for a banking firm in midtown Manhattan. Most of the men I worked for were married and all were cheating on their wives. They would have me call their mistresses and arrange for car services and plane tickets for their inclandestine meetings.

It was all very sordid and vile.

During the day they fired people left and right and 'invested' the funds from the firings into other companies to make their portfolio of rich clients even richer. All of them wore designer suits, complained if their coffee was cold and never, ever considered for one second how fortunate they were to be making the kind of money they did. The entitled rarely realize the price they are paying to be entitled.

The surprise will come to them on their death bed when they will see, in stark relief, the error of their ways. But by then it will be too late, won't it?

I went to Resident Alien because it was about the life and times of Quentin Crisp. Quentin, for those too young to remember (or those too self involved to care) was a startling breath of fresh, gay air in a city filled with gym-obsessed men who wore dark leather and prowled the late night streets of Manhattan looking for their next dark man to take their minds away from how meaningless their lives were.

Of course, like drugs, it never worked.

The high of instant sex with a 'real man' faded as fast as it had begun and they were left, the next day, with the truth of their lives - a truth Quentin spent his life discussing.

I adored what Quentin was about. I was one of those gay men in his 20's in Manhattan who read all the time, smoked cigarettes constantly and was always on the outside of gay New York looking in. I wasn't obsessed with the gym, I didn't have any interest in cocaine or K or heroine and I wasn't obsessed with finding a masculine man to fulfill my sexual and emotional fantasies. I was effeminate, openly gay and seeing shows with drag queens on most weekends. Despite the ravages of AIDS gay men were, at the time, obsessed with their bodily image. They needed to feel and look 'healthy' to stave off the fact they were aging and dying.

It's even worse today.

Gay men are divided into two camps: the Bears and the Others.

The Bears are the men who are not interested in going to the gym to look like the Perfect Man and are, instead, either rebellious to the point of being fat or ridiculously muscular. The Bears believe in the cliche idea of the masculine male. They are the ones who write on their Internet sex profiles "masculine seeking masculine" or the favorite "no fat, no fems". They intensely dislike and openly loathe sissy men.

Bears only accept feminine men if they are in full dress and on a stage lyp-syncing to a song by the newest one-name dance queen wonder. If you were to ask a gay man who identities as a Bear why he only wants to be with other similar masculine men who dress in leather, show off their various hairy body parts and refuse to wear cologne or deodorant, he will tell you (in a defensive tone) "I dunno. It's just what I want. I'm a man so I'm attracted to other men. Real men".

Or, he may even say, "I'm attracted to men, not faggots".

The Others are the main majority. They are the most visible portion of gay society. They are the twinks, the muscle jocks, the preppies and the other various subcategories I'm not interesting in naming or dissecting. They are obsessed with bodily image. They are shoppers, integrators but not innovators or thinkers.

They are dissatisfied with how fractured gay men are with one another but will never do anything to challenge or change this issue. They are akin to the senseless, floating majority of heterosexual America...they want cultural junk food and don't want to press the envelope.

The Others and The Bears openly dislike gay stereotypes. They dislike gay sexuality which is not expressed in hyper masculine terms. They support effeminate gay men only if they are part of a parody or on a stage in a costume. They don't understand and are disgusted by transgender people. You either have a dick or you don't. There is no in between.

The fluid sexuality of the mass of gay culture and it's effect on creating a more open and receptive gay man which began in the 60's, exploded in the 70's and shrank back in terror in the 80's when the Plague descended has become a tiny blip of a fading star against the black canvas of all gay culture.

Quentin, weather he intended too or not, set out to bring this fading star out of obscurity and bring it to light. It was his insight into the act of being a fully open and aware and receptive GAY MAN with a GAY STYLE and FLUIDITY which attracted me in the late 80's like a gay, fluttering moth to a mother shining ship and why I went to see Resident Alien when it opened in 1990.

Mr. Crisp was to be at the screening. I desperately wanted to meet him. I had bought a flimsy poster of the movie the day before and was hoping he'd humor me and sign it. I carried it with me to the film and afterwards, approached him at a tiny table set out next to the screening.

Mr. Crisp wore a striking blue velvet blazer with a bright red scarf about his neck. He had on blush and a thin line of pink lipstick. Blue eyeshadow graced his eyelids and his hands were covered in various rings of deep green and purple. His infamous grey hair was swept up into a giant cone on his head and was streaked on one side with purple dye.

I was in love.

He smiled at me as I came up to him. I had worn my favorite crushed red jacket and tight black pants. I had my green sneakers on and had applied a thin line of mascara to my eyes. I handed him the movie poster. He took it and looked it over.

This is what it was:

"I look hideous", he said to me as he raised a black marker in his hand. I smiled at him and touched his hand as I said, "Not to me you don't."

He shook his head but didn't move his hand away from mine. "I'm constantly amazed by people, I truly am."

With his free hand he signed the poster To a clearly divine and inspired man, Quentin Crisp.

He rolled up the poster and handed it to me. I thanked him and held his eyes as I left. He stared at me as I walked away and in his eyes I saw such life and beauty it took my breath away. I will never forget that moment.

My friend Kim Jackson has asked me to write a show which I am to perform at The Duplex on Christopher Street in the West Village section of Manhattan. I'm not sure what Kim will get out of this since it will be so gay in content. I think she's doing this because she loves me and is desperately hoping this will shine some light on my withered creative life. I am a tad concerned for our friendship in the collaboration, so I must be frank with her on my concerns.

The Duplex is a hop, skip and a jump from the infamous Stonewall Tavern where many believe the gay movement in America truly began. It's not where it began, but it is where the gay movement became visible to people who lived in South Dakota and Florida.

I have agreed to do the show. I am going to draw on the inspiration of Quentin Crisp. Of Harvey Fierstein and his early plays. I am going to press my hand to my heart and my ear to the ground and listen to the words of Larry Kramer. I am going to ask for those gay men of the past to inspire me to write a show about the truth of my life as a gay man who has spent over half of his life living on the fringes of gay life and has watched his brethren fall apart and fractured.

The gay heart of our day is gone. It needs to be revived and I, for one, am going to create a show with this in mind.

As a small boy, I dreamed of living in New York City and creating theater that would be about being a gay man in the dirtiest and most amazing city on the planet. I have to live out that dream.

The cooking show was an excuse to perform and I see that now. I love to cook, don't get me wrong, but the thing I'm truly meant to do is perform. And since for now TV does not want me and the writing world doesn't know I exist, I shall perform in the theater. Lords knows this will a labor of love. But I know not what else to do, so here we go.

Maybe this time the Gods will shine down on me.

For all those fighting for their place in this life...never, ever give up...

2009-12-02T20:16:00.000-05:00

Hot-Ass KY Jelly, Mexican Food Sex, Lovin' You and only You...

2009-12-02T11:13:00.059-05:00

The shit I've had to deal with trying to get this idea off of the ground is unreal.

I've realized something -- cooking shows are DULL.

So I'm mixing it up.

It's true what Tina Howe, the great American playwright once told me -- she said you have to look people in the eye and see if you can really trust them before you work with them.

I've had two producers over 5 years for one aborted TV show idea. And I thought selling screenplays was hard!

Endless emails. Years in editing rooms working on two promos which fell short. The world needs my talent!

The first promo had energy but was sloppy, stilted and weird. The second promo made by former Fucker Producer was sweet but boring as hell. It was like pulling teeth to get it made.

Now I am (hopefully) working with a new director and a new crew and writing a new script for the show - the working title is "Sex, Food, Love".

I feel like a spastic salmon determined to swim upstream when all of the other fish around me are yelling, "Give it up, Sally Salmon. It ain't gonna happen!".

The part that kills me is I talk to successful people and talented people and I can tell I'm smarter and more insightful than them. Sure, most of their work is vapid and of little significance, but still - they are getting shit made.

The show is now a variety style show. It's about the relationship between Sex, Food and Love.

Speaking of SEX...I got the most interesting email from US Magazine (and what a shining example of journalist it is).

It was for a new product.

Intensive K-Y. INTENSIVE K-Y.

From the website. Oh my:

"K-Y® Brand INTENSE™ is formulated with a proprietary combination of niacin and sensory ingredients. Massaging K-Y® INTENSE™ directly onto the clitoris, as directed, stimulates sensitivity and creates a gentle warming sensation increasing female pleasure during intimacy."

So essentially, it's Ben Gay for your clit. Okay...

And then there is this:

"Have you (or your partner) gently massage a drop (2-4 pumps) of K-Y® Brand INTENSE™ onto your clitoris."

Okay, that turns me on.

But here are the tastiest bits:

"The #1 doctor-recommended K-Y® Brand has more than 80 years of experience speaking with consumers around the world to better understand their needs and desires."

I can see the booth now at the local Piggy Wiggly. "Free Clit Stimulus Testing with purchase of two boxes of Low-Fat Trisket Crackers!"

"A recent K-Y® Brand study of unmet consumer desires with regard to intimacy identified a need and an opportunity to create a high-quality product targeted specifically toward female satisfaction."

No comment.

"The K-Y® Brand's market research team understood the link between a woman's physical pleasure from intimacy and her overall intimate satisfaction. This insight led K-Y® scientists to explore ways to increase clitoral sensitivity."

The research team...hm...I wonder how many of them were women? And how many identified as gay or bisexual?

And did they include shrinks in this study? Because all of the bullshit aside, we all know the reason women are not satisfied in bed is because their husbands or lovers are emotionally in la-la land during the act.

I'd love to see KY gear their brand to the gay market. Do they have ANY idea how POPULAR they'd be?

The science and market research teams needed a method to increase sensitivity in a way that both made the feeling last and resulted in a good consumer experience."

Good consumer experience - gosh, do I go for five drops of K-Y on my clit or the new Bisol?!

"To test their formulations, K-Y® researchers utilized Doppler imaging technology to measure the effect their prototype had on human skin. The result, as hoped for, was localized and lasting. Subsequent testing with couples confirmed that the K-Y® team had developed the consumer delighting experience they had been striving for."

We know why consumers found it a 'delighting experience'. It took the responsibility of off the women's partner to fulfill his/her/their emotional obligation to bring the woman to climax. Don't get me wrong, but I'm all for sex toys to ENHANCE sex and the resulting deeper emotional bond between partners, but not as a way to REPLACE emotional connection.

Sex is great for sex's sake. I'm a guy. I get it. Guys are all about doing it and going to sleep.

Women are wired differently. They like more emotion with their sex. Funny, huh?

Us gay guys are in the middle of that - we like a lot more emotion than our heterosexual buds but not as much as many women.

But there are tremendous gray areas here.

Gay guys are going through a huge shift right now. Gays hate gays for being gay, hence, the whole hype-masculinity crap. It's called 'internalized homophobia'. I used to laugh when my Ph.D. social work husband said that about gays, BUT HE'S RIGHT.

Straight guys feel much more than they let on, but they don't show it because it's not socially acceptable and they are taught, from an early age, to be stoic and withheld -- women don't help this much either by always saying 'oh, you know Charlie, still waters run deep', thus wanting their cake and eating it too by justifying that Charlie won't say how he feels, but loving the fact Charlie is such a 'man'. They want him sensitive when they want him sensitive and a Cowboy to make them feel save and protected -- can you say Daddy Complex?

Gay guys feel a lot more than they let on. But they don't show it. Why? Because gays are uncomfortable being gay.

Lesbians - sorry, but you got me there.

Straight women are, to me, the most highly evolved of the different categories. They do show how they feel and they are often right. They have an awareness most men simply will not fathom.

'nuff said. Let's cook up some Mexican, shall we?

I made this one up last night. As always, it was brilliant. I should change my name of Michael Rodriguez, I swear.

SPICY CHICKEN, POTATO AND POBLANO ENCHILADAS with HOMEMADE LOW-FAT SPICY TOMATO AND POBLANO CREAM SAUCE

This one rocked my world. I made it rather spicy, so if you are a wimp with hot Mexican food cut down a few peppers. Or man up and eat it with sour cream. Just kidding (on the man up part; not on the sour cream).

Here is what you'll need:

Enchiladas:

3 skinless, boneless chicken breasts, diced into cubes
4 medium sized Yukon gold potatoes, partially boiled and diced into cubes
5 tablespoon medium-hot chili powder (NOT made with cocoa...read the label...cocoa is not good in Mexican and I don't care what anyone says)
3 large white onions, chopped
8 cloves garlic, chopped/sliced fine
2 fresh jalapenos, chopped with seeds
4 dried arbol chili's, soaked in hot water for 15 minutes and chopped fine
2 teaspoons Mexican oregano
5 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup Manchego cheese, shredded

6 medium-sized tortillas

Poblano sauce:

2 large fresh Poblano chilies, chopped medium
3 large fresh ripe tomatoes, chopped medium
1 large white onion, chopped medium
2 jalapenos, chopped medium seeds and all
3 cloves of garlic, chopped medium
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
1/2 teaspoon sugar

Sour cream for serving on the side

Here is what you do...

Arbol chilies are tiny red chili's normally sold in the ethnic section of the supermarket. You normally get a big ass bag for, like, $2 dollars. All you do is soak the dry chilies in boiling hot water for 15 minutes and chop them up and put them in the meal. Very simple. BUT...these are hot, so be careful with them.

Put the chilies in a bowl, cover with water and soak as you prepare the rest of the meal.

Put on a pot of water on the stove that can easily accommodate the lovely 4 Yukon Gold potatoes. Heat up the water until boiling and then throw in the potatoes, unpeeled.

As the potatoes cook, cut up the chicken. Pour a few glugs of olive oil in a 12 inch non-stick pan and heat up for a minute or so. Throw the chicken and 2 tablespoons chili powder along with some salt and pepper in the pan. Cook until chicken is just done, about 8 minutes. Transfer to a plate.

The potatoes are still probably cooking, so make up the spicy base. Heat up another tablespoon of olive oil in the clean skillet. Add 2 chopped onions, 6 cloves of garlic and the jalapenos as well as 2 tablespoon chili powder. Cook for about 6 minutes. Add the chopped arbol chilies, cook 4 minutes and then set aside.

Do not wipe out the pan UNLESS it's a tad burnt. Otherwise, leave all the good tasting spices in there for the potatoes.

The potatoes are probably done now. Poke them with a fork. If they offer a bit of resistance but are still a bit firm, that is what you want. You are going to cook them a bit more. Take them out of the water, and slice them into quarter-sized slices.

Heat up the last of the oil. Throw in the potatoes and the last chopped onion as well as the last of the chili powder and salt and pepper. Cook about ten minutes on medium heat, or until the potatoes are cooked but have a tiny bit of resistance to them.

Put them aside.

Heat up your oven to 375 degrees.

Get out a casserole dish big enough to hold 6 large enchiladas. Spray with Pam (olive oil).

Wipe out the skillet you've been using and heat up over medium heat for a minute or two. Add in all of the Poblano sauce ingredients and cook for 10 minutes. Transfer to a blender and blend until mixed and thick, about a minute on medium setting. Taste and adjust with salt and pepper.

Set up a little Enchilada Station.

You should have four bowls: Chicken, Potatoes, Onion Mixture, Poblano Sauce.

Lay a tortilla in the casserole dish and sprinkle a bit of each Onion Mixture then Chicken then Potatoes and top with 2 tablespoon of the sauce and roll up so the are tight.

Once all six are rolled, pour a thick line of Poblano sauce down the middle of the Enchiladas and then sprinkle with the cheese. Bake for 25 minutes (or until a bit crispy) and here you go:

Kick ass food and kick ass advice...

Now...let's party!!!!

Sex...Food...and Rock and Roll...

2009-11-23T13:34:00.013-05:00

Let go of my producer a week ago.

Met a new producer Friday. And another producer today. And another producer tomorrow.

Talking with Logo, A&E, Food Network, MTV, PBS (they won't like me; too R-rated), Bravo.

Downing lots of wine at night before bed.

Meeting a show director tonight. Same guy from last week; we'll see what he's made of. Meeting another director tomorrow; another after National Turkey Day.

Obsessed to find out if there is anything on record, ever, of Martha Stewart talking about The Anus or Anal Beads. Must be in show.

Drinking lots of wine at night before bed.

Happy the show is becoming a variety show about food and love and living and sex and relationships and music, music, music.

Am I to only do a gay promo? A straight-friendly promo?

Working on getting a star to be in the promo. A big star. Sex may be involved. Forgive me, Andy.

Sick and tired of waiting for everyone to get their shit together and just shooting a new promo myself.

Wishing (with my dead mother's cross in hand) I'll get a break. A big break with this. Or else...

NEW POSSIBLE TITLES:

Food, Sex and Rock and Roll

OR

Sex, Food and Rock and Roll

OR

Shopping, Fucking, Rock and Roll and Food...

OR

Food and Sex and Love and Rock and Roll...

Tone of show is irony, satire, indirect sarcasm...

DEFINITION: Irony, sarcasm, satire indicate mockery of something or someone. One thing is said and its opposite implied, as in the comment, “Beautiful weather, isn't it?” made when it is raining or nasty.

Irony differs from sarcasm in greater subtlety and wit. In sarcasm ridicule or mockery is used harshly, often crudely and contemptuously, for destructive purposes. It may be used in an indirect manner, and have the form of irony, as in “What a fine musician you turned out to be!” or it may be used in the form of a direct statement, “You couldn't play one piece correctly if you had two assistants.”

The distinctive quality of sarcasm is present in the spoken word and manifested chiefly by vocal inflection, whereas satire and irony, arising originally as literary and rhetorical forms, are exhibited in the organization or structuring of either language or literary material. Satire usually implies the use of irony or sarcasm for censorious or critical purposes and is often directed at public figures or institutions, conventional behavior, political situations, etc.

Soon, all will be revealed...soon...

Mikey Bryan
Your 'New' Food and Sex and Love and Rock and Roll Therapist...

Friday Take-Out - DEFYING GRAVITY and how GLEE makes the world a better place

2009-11-12T14:41:00.054-05:00

I first heard the song "Defying Gravity" from the Broadway musical Wicked 2 days ago.

I know, I know. I heard it on the new Glee soundtrack. It's pretty amazing.

Give it a listen:

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And never bring me down!
bring me down!
ohh ohhh ohhhh!

Glee recently starred the amazing Kristin Chenoweth. Whenever I get down (which is often on a Friday), I pull up a picture of Ms. Chenowth and am happy again.

Isn't she lovely? And let me tell you, this woman can SING. O.M.G. She was so fantastic in Charlie Brown on Broadway and amazing in Pushing Daisies (a cancellation which still haunts me).

If really want to hear her in force, listen to this fantastic rendition of "Maybe This Time" from Cabaret. It just builds and builds and builds to a blinding finale...all the while giving the original a run for it's money.

I used to work for the agent to Kander and Ebb, the guys who wrote Cabaret. Her name was Bridget Ashenberg and she was such a bitchhhhhhhhh. I mean, bitch, bitch, bitch. Across the hall from us was Binky Urban, a famous agent in the city. All of them were fuckers who were so mean and manipulative it was unreal. Binky wore tight black skirts which showed off her scrawny legs and Bridget was a mammoth thing of flesh and hair. Scary. Very scary.

Oh, the stories I could tell from the jobs I've worked in New York City, children. The horror. The horror.

It's Friday. For me, it's the same as Monday. Hard to do what is expected from me. I get down, a bit depressed. I imagine what my life could have been.

The refrain from this song and the sweeping, soaring feeling is the perfect anecdote for melancholy feelings. So latch onto this feeling as we dive into one hell of a good meal.

It's time for:

Tortilla de patatas

or
Really, REALLY Awesome Spanish Eggs
with Fried Potatoes and lots of amazing tastes

My system for new recipes is always this - I wade through my countless recipe books and magazines and read recipes similar to the one I want to make. I let it sit with me for a day, then I plan the cooking night and I wing it.

I defy gravity.

And it always works out.

Tortilla de patatas, or, Spanish Tortilla, is one of those dishes limited only by your imagination. Frankly, I had never wanted to try it. The only reason I did was because my husband wouldn't stop asking for eggs for dinner. I was like, "Eggs? Only the French eat eggs for dinner."

Oh, how wrong I was.

It seems EVERYONE except me eats eggs for dinner. I was foolish, I'll admit it, so I decided to give a famous egg dish a go, hence, this amazingly good meal.

This was great. I mean, really, really great. I made lots of my own changes and they all worked beautifully. Except for a few aesthetic choices, I stand by this original recipe.

Let's cook!

Start to finish - 45 minutes (or, the streamlined method of 25 minutes)

Serving size - 4 (if served with a fresh side salad)

Ingredients:

1/2 pound turkey Chorzio sausage, diced into bite size pieces
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
2 large yellow onions, sliced thin
2 large russet potatoes, peeled and sliced crosswise into bite size pieces
6 garlic cloves, diced small
2 jalapeno peppers, diced small
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt

8 large, organic eggs
1/4 cup shredded Manchego cheese
1/4 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 tablespoon pepper

Fixings for a simple side salad

I also served this with and garlic, cheese and egg aioli, but it was fairly unspectacular. It worked, but not amazing. I'll play with different aioli's and report back here later on what's really great.

Let's cook!

First thing is first. If you want to make this during the week and do it much faster than the 45 minute method, do this - toss your potatoes in a bowl with a tablespoon of water and salt. Cover and microwave for 8 minutes, tossing them around a bit after 4 minutes. This will cut the cooking time by half.

Personally, I prefer the slightly meatier taste of the potatoes if they've been cooking in the pan versus the microwave and the slightly tasty brown edges.

Heat up a 12 inch pan. Throw in the diced sausage. You want to render the fat just a bit, so only cook for 5 minutes. Don't add oil! Let them cook in their own fat. After they have a nice bit of brown on them, remove and drain on a paper towel lined plate.

As the sausages cook a tad, throw in your potatoes, onions, garlic and jalapenos in a large bowl with two big chugs of olive oil and a dash of salt. Mix it all up a bit, making sure the potatoes are all shiny and nice with the oil.

Yum!

After you're removed the sausage, throw in the potatoes and veggies into the pan, toss a bit, then cover and cook over very low for 25 minutes, mixing them up ever 5-7 minutes. Ideally, you don't want to brown them so much as you want the potatoes to cook so they are tender to the touch.

Heat up your oven to a hot 475 degrees. Put the oven rack in the center.

As that all cooks you want to mix up your 8 eggs, cheese, cayenne pepper and milk. Don't over mix - just a bit to get it all mixed up.

When the potatoes are done, GENTLY mix the egg mixture into the pan. It will looks messy but yummy:

Run a spatula around the outside edge until it becomes a bit loose, about a minute. Then pop it in the oven (make sure you have an oven proof skillet).

After 10 minutes, remove it (handle is hot!) and it looks like this:

Nice, huh?!

Cut a slice and serve with your aioli of choice!

Enjoy!!!!

xo

Mikey Bryan
Your Food Therapist

Untitled Thursdays - Meryl, Sally, Pam and Joy...and a VINDALOO RECIPE to make you sing JAI HO!

2009-11-11T11:25:00.067-05:00

I was watching TV the other night had a few epiphanies:

1) The name for Thursday isn't right. Sure, "Take It Up The _____, Thursday" makes me giggle, but it's not accurate, so it has to change.

2) Desperate Housewives isn't good TV but when Felicity I'm-Slumming-On-A-TV-Show-When-I-Can-Act-Circles-Around-The-Entire-Cast-So-My-Husband-Bill-Macy-And-I-Can-Afford-To-Go-To-Europe-Every-Month-And-Live-In-A-Nice-House-Until-We-Die-Despite-The-Fact-I'm-Wasting-My-Talent-On-A-Nighttime-Soap Huffman hugged Teri I-Can't-Act-To-Save-My-Life-But-I'm-Harmless-And-Probably-Suck-Off-The-Producers-To-Stay-On-TV Hatcher's daughter, agreeing to cover for an affair she had, my eyes grazed across the four movie posters framed and on my living room wall.

They are:

And this...

And this...

And this...

And that brought me to point #3:

#3) I love the texture and the style of how women relate and create. Oh, that rhymes.

Many of my favorite movies are about women. I love seeing young women holding the hand of their grandmothers. I love the way women are strong yet deeply in touch with their emotions. I love how conflicted women in the workforce feel - how do you gain respect from men who don't understand you can rule with a velvet lined fist?

I attribute my clear respect and love for women to being gay and relating to the outsider. Please, let's be honest. Women are still considered less than men. Less capable in work, less capable in business, less capable in being decisive and strong.

Mind you, I may be gay but I'm still a guy, a DUDE...there are only so many things I can relate to from a women's perspective. I have a penis; most women do not. I live in a male body; most women do not. I am a guy; most are not.

Thursday is now gal's day - in what form, I'm not sure. But Thursday is dedicated to all the women in my life and the women I will surely meet.

I had an abusive mother. Clearly, my connection with women is very deep and old and emotional and fated. It was destined to have many, many women in my life.

It makes sense today's posting would be dedicated to the one person who saved me from the ravishes of my poor mother's devastating childhood, my sister Joy Lyn Bryan Markely.

To anyone reading this, you'll notice the one person who always writes supportive and inquisitive comments is my sister, Joy. She has always been there for me and she always will be. Above is a photo of her and my wonderful sister Pam.

Joy is beautiful, flawed, human, emotional, an artist who has something legitimate to say, giving to a fault, dynamic, compassionate, strikingly intelligent, driven and above all, a very, very good person I love with every fiber of my being.

She is the kind of person other people model themselves after.

She loves carrot cake, she loves meat loaf. She lives for apple pie and she can make a mean macaroni and cheese. She knows how to make a super soup and get her around a blender and she'll make a protein shake to make you cry. She is, like me, a person at home at home and a person fiercely dedicated to her husband and her marriage. She is the glue that holds together our family and her own extended family.

She is a blessing from God.

My sister Pam also saved me. Don't get me wrong. Pam in Boise Idaho who is made of rock and roll and passion and sweet kisses. Talk about a volcano of emotion. Pam is nothing at all as she appears. She doesn't know how strong she is. She's beautiful and so giving I imagine it fills out Mother in Heaven with such happiness.

Soon, my beautiful sisters and I will begin posting some winter recipes on this blog (they doesn't know this yet, but they'll join in, trust me, they're very gifted artist).

But until then, I am starting off Thursday with them in my heart and thoughts. I write this sending blessings to our poor tortured mother. I hope you are now in peace, Mom, and see the great work you did with us.

We're doing pretty damn good, aren't we?

Let's cook!

Last time I was in London, the most surprising thing I came across was the sheer volume of good Indian restaurants. Despite a shocking amount of soggy Fish and Chips (which made this Irish boy very unhappy), there was no shortage of great Indian food.

I tend to distrust many Indian recipes from the States. One of my favorite go-to guys for great Indian meals is the impossibly adorable Jamie Oliver. How can you not love this guy?

Not only is he down-to-earth, a devoted father and obsessed with food, he can throw down an amazing Indian recipe like no other popular cook I know.

He takes all of the pretense out of food and just cooks. Cooking for him is active and PRIMAL. When he's in the kitchen, he's in the kitchen. My kinda cook!

He came out with wonderful new cookbook - JAMIE'S FOOD REVOLUTION. For goodness sake, buy the book. The photos are bloody brilliant and the recipe writing, as usual, is void of jargon and confusing terminology. He just writes.

He's an artist, darling, an artist!

I took one of his curry recipes from the new book for a spin - his VINDALOO DINNER.

For the most part, it was spellbinding. But there are some changes which must be made for us silly non-curry cooking people.

I followed his recipe but I did mix it up a bit. I can't claim this as my own but I can say this is the American test kitchen version of Mr. Oliver's work.

This is the kind of meal I'd serve to my sisters. It's super spicy, rich, deep and full of amazing flavor which fill the house.

To my sisters Joy and Pam and all of the women out there in my life (and those I have yet to meet and befriend) - this meal is a toast to you!

TONIGHT:

Spicy, Yummy and Authentic Curry Chicken Vindaloo with
Cinnamon and Cardamon Pod Basamati Rice

Total time: 1 hour 15 min.

Serving size: 4 adults

The few changes I made:

I added more protein and greatly reducing the amount of water he said you need to thicken the broth. There was way too much broth at the end.

I cooked the tomatoes much earlier then he recommended for a less chunky sauce.

He uses cilantro. Cilantro is Satan's herb so I don't use it. I omitted it.

He advocates using fresh red peppers and I find those difficult to find. So I use jalapeno which are more readily available and they work fine. Don't substitute Italian fresh red peppers as those are sweet. You want fire here.

I used Olive Oil and not peanut oil. Olive Oil a much healthier choice. Tasted just fine. I also omitted the butter he added. You don't need the extra fat and calories.

I doubled the balsamic vinegar and used Fig Balsamic which was great.

Finally, Jamie does offer one great short-cut. Pre-made curry paste. While they are very, very good they are sodium bombs. I only added half of what he suggested and it was super duper. Make sure you get PASTE and not SAUCE. Very important. I tried both versions - the one with the pre-made curry paste and the one where I made the curry paste myself. Frankly, they were both dynamite. If you have the time, make the curry paste by hand. It's very simple. If you can't then use the pre-made brand he uses (it's one I've been using for years). Their name is Patak. And they are heaven.

http://www.pataksusa.com/

Now - on the MOOD/FOOD relationship:

Did you know?! Chili Peppers increase endorphin production – this is the stuff that makes you feel SO good after you exercise. Think of chile's as natural little hits of happy opiates!

Did you know?! Eating hot peppers can reduce the discomfort of the flu (in part, by promoting sweating). It also opens clogged breathing passages, and functions as an effective expectorant.

Did you know?! Eating peppers decreases our feeling of pain and muscle hurt!

Did you know?! If you were a real freak, you could snort chili peppers through the nose to relieve headaches brought on by tension or sinus problems (capsaicin turns off the nerve release fibre that triggers sinus and tension headaches). I don't recommend it, love.

The great thing about spicy food is it makes you feel GOOD. You feel it in your body and then in your gut and then in your head...it's fantastic.

This is definatley a FEEL GOOD MOOD FOOD!!

Let's cook Vindaloo!!

Ingredients:

1 large onion, sliced thin
8 cloves garlic
2 jalapeno chili's, diced with seeds
2 inch piece of ginger
4 large ripe tomatoes
olive oil
2 1/2 pounds chicken breast diced into 1 inch cubes, you can use lamb or boneless pork shoulder roast diced
1/3 cup hot curry paste from Patak's or homemade curry paste (see recipe below)
1 cup water
Salt/pepper
1/2 cup Fig Balsamic vinegar
1 teaspoon honey

Yogurt for serving
Fresh lemon atop if desired

HOMEMADE HOT VINDALOO CURRY PASTE

Ingredients:

2 cloves garlic; 2 inch piece of ginger; 4 dried red chiles; 1 tablespoon turmeric; 1/2 teaspoon salt; 3 tablespoons olive oil; 2 tablespoons tomato paste; 2 fresh chiles.

Spices for toasting: 1 teaspoon black peppercorns; 4 whole cloves; 2 teaspoons coriander seeds; 2 teaspoons fennel seeds; 1 teaspoon fenugreek seeds

To cook:

Peel garlic and ginger; heat a large skillet over medium heat for 2 minutes; toast spices in skillet for 2 minutes until smell delicious and are lightly brown; remove from pan. Grind the toasted spices and mix with the fresh ingredients.

LET'S COOK VINDALOO!

Before cooking, prep the following:

Slice onion, peppers, garlic and ginger and put in a large bowl. Cut tomatoes into quarters, throw into large Dutch oven.

Look at these bad boys:
Heat up olive oil for 2 minutes on medium high heat.

Throw in the above mixture and cook for 10 minutes or until onions are soft. Taste a bit of onion to make sure it's soft.

As it cooks, dice up the chicken. Measure your your curry paste.

After 10 minutes, throw in the curry paste and chicken. Mix very well so all is coated. Add the balsamic vinegar, honey and the water.

Here is the big difference - Delightful Jamie adds 1 2/3 cup of water at this point and the end result is a VERY soupy meal. I like a thicker Vindaloo stew. So only add 1 cup of water but you need to watch as you cook it.

Cover and put on a low simmer for 45 minutes, checking to make sure it's not too dry. As it nears the 45 minute mark, taste to check for balance (make sure the chicken is cooked).

FOR THE RICE:

As the dish cooks covered, make your rice. This is my favorite recipe for Indian rice. A sure-fire hit.

Ingredients:

2 tablespoons Olive Oil
5 cardamon pods
1 5 inch stick cinnamon, halved
5 cloves
1 large yellow onion, sliced thin
1 cup pure Indian Basamiti rice
1 teaspoon salt
1 2/3 cup water

Get out a pot with a tight fitting lid. Throw in the Olive Oil and heat over a medium flame until you hear the spices pop. Add the onions, cook for 3 minutes. Add the rice, cook for 1 minute to taste a bit and separate the little grains so they don't stick.

Add the salt and the water. Bring to a boil, cover tightly, cook over low heat for 15 minutes.

Turn off heat, put on the back burner, KEEP THE LID ON, remove the lid in 20 minutes, fluff with a fork and take out the cardamon pods and cinnamon and cloves before serving.

Serve the Vindaloo with yogurt and a squirt of lemon.

Brilliant.

Before eating, rejoice in life by watching THIS BRILLIANT CLIP - JAI HO!!!!

Jas and Caitlin @ Yahoo! Video

What The F**K, Wednesday! The Food for Mood Primal Revolution...

2009-11-10T12:23:00.030-05:00

PRIMAL

1. first; original; primeval: before the appearance of life on earth.
2. of first importance; fundamental: the primal resources of a nation.

Word Origin & History

primal
1602, "belonging to the earliest age," from M.L. primalis "primary" (1485), from L. primus "first" (see prime (adj.)). Psychological sense, in ref. to Freud's theory of behaviors springing from the earliest stage of emotional development, is attested from 1918.

Primal:

Primal:

WARNING...VERY GRAPHIC

Primal:

This morning I was thinking what to post.

I thought of all the people I know in life who need a 'Scrooge Intervention', meaning, they need to be thrust into their own Christmas Carol so they are forced to see the errors of their ways and realize how grateful and lucky they truly should fucking be.

But this won't happen. The only way real changes happens is when it is primal. When we feel it with our entire being. When it is the first and only emotion.

Only when greedy and nasty Scrooge is faced with the inevitability of his own DEATH does he change.

Why is the story so moving?

Because it's primal.

Making us feel primal emotions is the goal of all great art.

It is the same with food and our pathological eating disorders.

No one will ever change their food behaviors unless it becomes a primal necessity. The only time we every truly change is when the need to change is fueled by a primal emotion. You can't logic this out, you can't read a book to figure this out, you can't will yourself to not pick up the KFC for dinner tonight.

You will only stop eating bad food and eat good food when the will to do so is fueled by a primal emotion.

It's why I point out The Biggest Loser and Scared Straight and show clips of extremely emotional scenes from famous movies. These cause us to feel and the sensation of feeling is what makes us change.

Biggest Loser is very emotional. So is Scared Straight. But it makes people change. For good.

Our favorite movies are all primal. Our favorites works of art are primal. We go to sporting events because the celebration and sheer fun of being in a stadium with thousands of other people is primal. Rock concerts. Live theater. Listening to your iPod.

Primal.

So the answer to a true food revolution in this country isn't based on this diet or that diet or logically considering the pros and cons of calories in/calories out.

The true Mood and Food Revolution will take place only when we feel we must change or else we are doomed.

This is why I love all of the shit Scrooge is put through in A Christmas Carol. He doesn't want to change, there is no endless talking about him needing to change, he doesn't talk about wanting to change, yet of course we know he must change because he's a miserable asshole, so the change is brought to him in primal way and bingo!

He changes for good.

No recipe for today, no boring food witticisms, no funny quotes from funny chefs...

Just take this feeling and remember what it feels to feel because I'll return to the act of feeling often on this blog.

Feel:

Tranny-Dip Tuesday! Don't become a dangerously unbalance woman! Make this tonight!

2009-11-09T16:15:00.018-05:00

Make this tonight and avoid a Eunice Burns Tranny-Dip!

It's Tuesday. Classic Tranny-Dip day. It's only one day into the work week. You want to make a fast dinner but Lord KNOWS it's hard when all you want to do is Dip!

One of my favorite go-to meals on a Tuesday is a fast burrito paired with a green salad. And there is a way to make it taste deep-fried without making it deep-fried.

You know my blog is about Food and Mood...and one of the ways we are influenced by the foods we eat are by eating foods which makes up physically feel GOOD.

This meal has a nice bit of cayenne, red pepper flakes and garlic in it. Cayenne gets its heat from capsaicin, a compound linked to killing cancer cells and may help fight cancer in the brain, liver, prostate and the skin. Can't beat that!

And garlic has a sulfurous compound called allicin. This compound is known for reducing cancer risk and lowering blood pressure. It's a fact, baby!

We also use olive oil in this recipe which is great for your body. Olive oil contains monounsaturated fat which lowers the good cholesterol.

On the fats!

Here is your handy-dandy fats/oil eating guide!

STAY AWAY FROM:

TRANNY TRANS FATS - Found in margarine and processed foods. Baked goods have them as well as deep-fried foods. This shit actually REDUCES good cholesterol in your body. Get this - eat just four grams of this crap and you increase your risk for heart disease. McDonalds fries have FIVE grams of this stuff in it.
Read labels - any foods that contain vegetable shortening, hydrogenated fats or ESPECIALLY hydrogenated fats are to be avoided at all costs.

SATURATED FAT - Again - eat this and you increase your risk for HEART DISEASE. Cut back on butter, cream, whole milk (who drinks whole milk anymore?), fatty meats and unskinned chicken.

EAT ONLY A LITTLE:

OMEGA-6 FATTY ACIDS: Here is the low down - we get to many omega-6's, not enough omega-3's. Avoid vegetable oils, sunflower, safflower, corn and soy oils they are high in omega-6's and make us get all inflamed.

CHOW DOWN, BABY:

MONOUNSATURATED FAT: Olive oil lowers LDL cholesterol. Canola is a good bet as well.

Print this up/save this/put it up nearby - you don't need more info. than this to eat the right oils.

Now, today's quick meal:

SPICY CHICKEN UN-FRIED CHIMICHANGA!

This one is so easy it will knock your socks off.

This will make two UN-FRIED CHIMICHANGA'S which translates into FOUR MEALS. Why four?

You want to serve half of a Chimichanga with a side salad to each person and trust me...you will be full.

You will be using store bought tortillas which are never the healthiest choice, but eating half of one per meal isn't bad.

We are also going to add extra beans and lean chicken to this so you'll get loads of protein.

Here is your ingredient list:

4 large burrito size Misson tortillas
1 yellow onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, chopped
2 jalapenos, chopped
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon hot red pepper flakes
2 cans no-salt black beans OR pinto beans - drained and juice from one can saved
1 rotisserie chicken, shredded with all skin removed
1 package Uncle Ben's ready-made brown rice
1/2 cup 2% sharp cheddar cheese
Freshly ground pepper
1/2 cup low-fat sour cream

2 heads Romaine lettuce, shredded
2 plumb tomatoes, chopped
1 bunch radishes, sliced
1 bunch carrots, sliced
Balsamic/olive oil dressing for drizzling

Let's cook!

Heat your oven to 425 degrees. Oven wrack in the middle of oven.

Chop up your onion and garlic. Put the garlic aside. Pour a dab of olive oil in a 12 inch non-stick pan and heat for 2 minutes. Add onion, tiny dash of salt. Cook for 4 minutes. It's okay if the onions brown a bit.

Throw in the garlic, cook 30 seconds, throw in the jalapenos and the spices. Cook for 1 minute, or until very fragrant.

Throw in the beans, cook for 3 minutes. Throw in the RESERVED JUICE and cook and reduce for 2 minutes until a little thick. Throw in your shredded chicken and mix.

Transfer entire mixture to a large bowl.

Zap your Uncle Ben's Brown Rice; add to the bowl. Mix. Add the cheese, a healthy toss of pepper and mix a few rounds. Wait a moment, then add the sour cream, mix and taste. Salt and pepper as needed. Don't over salt!

Get out a baking pan big enough to contain four large burritos. Spray with Pam.

Fill 4 separate tortillas with the mixture and roll so they are tight and place in the dish.

Spray well with Pam Olive Oil spray all over the tortillas. This is what will change your tortillas to a fake Chimicanga...as they bake they crisp in the oven.

Pop in the oven for ten minutes and then take a look - if they are browning too quickly, take them out of the oven, spray again with a bit of spray and put them back in the oven 5-10 minutes more.

As they bake, cut up the lettuce, throw with the tomatoes, radishes and carrots, serve with the dressing and a half of the finished and browned burrito.

BRILLIANT!

Time for a little old dress up and celebration!

MANIC MONDAY: Just a LITTLE Lasagna please...not the whole damn plate!

2009-11-08T14:38:00.048-05:00

This video is the perfect way for a foodie to start their Monday.

Go ahead...his PLAY:

My sister and were talking about food and love and desire and emotion again today. It's a constant discussion with us.

Here is the Big Questions I'm obsessed with and why I take so much time to write on this blog:

What is the drive in us to eat when we aren't hungry?

What emotional needs are we secret fulfilling when we either eat too little or too much?

Why do we feel we have no control when we over eat?

Why do some people starve themselves and look sickly and undernourished?

More disturbing, why do we find the starved look attractive and the obese look disgusting?

I can't tell you how many people have told me they cannot stop eating bad food even when they know the food is bad.

Even when they have been told my doctors they are going to die if they don't stop. Even when lovers have left them, even when they feel like shit about themselves as they shove bite after bite in their mouth or shove their fingers down their throat or refuse to eat more than a tiny plate of veggies and steamed rice.

What kinda fucking truck has to slam into them to make them WAKE UP?

It's a self-hate.

It's most evident with celebrities.

Look at Madonna or poor Maria Cross of Desperate Housewives. Madonna is a nasty, hedonistic hag so it makes sense she'd eat too little, but Maria Cross? It saddens me to see how awful she looks on Desperate Housewives. I really like Ms. Cross. She's a smart, intelligent woman who is in a spiral. My guess?

She got pregnant, gained a little weight, and desperate to be a hot Desperate Housewife again (she never wasn't; the woman is striking), she forced herself to train endlessly and eat less to look 'good'.

MEMO TO MS. CROSS: EAT. PLEASE. You look like shit. I mean that with all due love and respect, sweetie.

Like Madonna, Ms. Cross is starving herself and lifting too many weights. Both women are grotesque; they look like emaciated middle-aged Lithuanian female boxers training for a prize fight.

Don't think the irony the actress playing Bree Van de Kamp has an eating disorder escapes me. Unlike Madonna (whom I do enjoy seeing suffer - if one more gay man tells me she moved the gay movement forward I'm gonna fucking scream - Madonna is all about making money people, plain and simple), I have nothing but empathy for Ms. Cross. She needs help. Now.

Look at poor Kevin Federline. Oh dear. He was a trim dancer, cute and dumb and white trash and now he's obese, former Mr. Britney Spears and is going on a reality TV show to lose the weight.

People all over America are like this. They either eat too little and looks angry and hard (probably because they're so fucking hungry), or they eat too much and lose their sense of self-respect and hide in shame from those who love them.

Both extremes are desperate cries for help. How do we heal this in this country?

Why DO we eat at night when we're not hungry? Do we feel our lives are unfulfilled and we crave feeling and sensation, so we dive into food which feeds this craving?

Do we need the tastes to feel we're living?

Why DO we eat chips at night when we know a healthy, trim weight is the key to feeling GOOD as we age? Do we want to use a cane by the time we're 50?

Why DO we obsess over needing people's approval and praise to 'look good' and thus eat too little and deny ourselves the pleasures food inherently has?

I am mixed on how to answer and deal with some of these questions. There was a documentary in the 70's that had everyone talking. It was violent, in-your-face and shocking. And it changed people's lives.

It was called Scared Straight.

Now, am I saying we need to get obese people or anorexics in danger of killing themselves into a room with other formerly nearly-deceased obese and anorexic people and have them scare them scare the living shit out of them so they change?

No, I don't think that's the answer. But I think the movement behind the intention of this action is something a growing population of this country needs.

Let's get real - isn't that partially what Jillian on The Biggest Loser is doing? Giving Tough Love to the most desperate kind of overweight person in this country?

Isn't she saying YOU ARE GOING TO DIE IF YOU DON'T WAKE UP TO HOW YOU ARE EATING?

Think about how much more powerful that would be if SHE were on the verge of death because SHE used to be obese but changed.

Don't you just wanna do this sometimes?

According to the latest edition of Business Week, over 40 billion dollars was spent last year in the diet industry but people keep getting fatter and they keep starving themselves to death.

Endless books on how to cook right, endless data, endless options to exercise, endless TV shows on the issues of being overweight and underweight and yet, portions of people in this country to not change not matter what is told to them or what they read.

Why?

WHY?

I don't have the answers. Clearly, very few of us do.

But I can tell you this - there is not one person I know who does not have at least a slightly complicated relationship to food and how they eat; over half of those people have a VERY complicated relationship to food and how they eat.

Shit - I know I do. I always feel fat. I always feel I must lose weight. I feel like I want to reward myself with a burger and fries after doing something well. Or when I have a terrible day. I don't do it, but I feel like I deserve to.

Why?

WHY?

Fascinating stuff which consumes this country. We have to keep this discussion alive. It's not about removing the food we love; it's about finding balance.

And speaking of balance, today is MANIC MONDAY! And one of the sure fire ways to make your Monday is LESS Manic is to make a great Sunday night meal you can eat Sunday night, at work Monday for lunch and then, if you want, for Monday dinner.

The trick is balance. B.A.L.A.N.C.E.

Here was Sunday's meal:

SLAM BAM REDUCED CALORIE AMAZING HOMEMADE MEAT LASAGNA
with
FRESH HARLOT BEANS IN OLIVE OIL AND SHALLOTS
with
MEATY BUTTER LETTUCE SALAD
served with
HOMEMADE SPICY ITALIAN CROUTONS, CARROTS, RADISHES AND TANGY BALSAMIC VINEGAR TOPPED WITH SHAVED PARMESAN.

This is who I always listen to when I cook on Sunday:

I've posted my lasagna recipe before, but I've learned to streamline this one, to reduce the calories and truly amp up the flavor...my hardcore part-Italian husband swears by this meal and he's one tough critic when it comes to lasagna.

And you can eat this over three meals if you wish by adding DIFFERENT sides to the lasagna and mixing up the salad...and plus, we all know homemade lasagna tastes better over time, right?

Let's cook!

For the sauce you'll need toss 1 tablespoon olive oil into a large dutch oven. Add 2 finely chopped yellow onions and cook for 2-3 minutes. Now add 10 cloves of diced garlic and let cook for a minute or two.

See?Now add 3/4 hot sausage and 1/2 pound ground sirloin with 1 teaspoon salt and 1 teaspoon pepper. Cook until the raw red color is gone, about 10 minutes.

Now add 1/8 cup heavy cream and 1/8 cup 2% milk. Let the meat absorb the cream and milk until it's mostly gone, anywhere from 5-15 minutes.

Add 1/2 cup red wine (preferably Merlot) and let the meat absorb again.

Now add 1 28-ounce can of tomato puree and 2 15 ounce cans of no-salt diced tomatoes. Stir. Add 2 teaspoons dried oregano and one teaspoon granulated sugar.

Turn on low and let it simmer as you work on the cheese mixture. Make sure and mix the tomato mixture from the bottom up.

In a large bowl, add one 15-ounce container of part-skim ricotta cheese, 1/2 cup of freshly shaved Parmesan cheese, 1 large bunch of basil diced very small (take a tiny handful and throw in the sauce on the stove behind you), 1 large organic egg beaten, 1 teaspoon salt and 1 teaspoon black pepper. Mix just until mix. Don't overmix.

Open your box of no-boil lasagna noodles. If you haven't used these, you must. They are fantastic. They cook in the sauce. Great stuff. Buy Barilla brand. Most authentic on the market and everywhere. There will be three noodles left from the package from this recipe.

Pre-heat your oven to 375 degrees. Put your oven rack in the center.

Get out a baking dish which comfortably fits three noodles with a little room to breath. Taste your sauce. Add salt and pepper as needed.

Remove the sauce from the stove and put on the counter next to pan you'll cook the lasagna in. Have the ricotta mixture on the side. You are creating a little 'lasagna station.'

Now, pour a small spoonful or two of the sauce on the bottom of the pan. Lay down three noodles, side by side. Scoop three teaspoons of the ricotta mixture down the center of each noodle. Pour 1 cup of the sauce over the noodle/cheese mixture.

Sprinkle 1/2 cup of 2% mozzarella cheese over the noodles.

Repeat this twice and when you get to the TOP layer, lay down the noodles, the ricotta mixture of the noodles, pour the rest of the sauce over the top so all layers of the noodles are covered, sprinkle 1/2 cup 2% mozzarella over the lasagna and then sprinkle the top with 1/4 cup shredded Parmesan.

Parmesan goes a long way, so you never, ever need as much as most recipes indicate. I've seen recipes saying I should add up to 2 cups of Parmesan to this. What?! You really, REALLY don't taste the difference with more Parmesan in this dish. Trust me, my husband would bitch and moan if it didn't taste cheesy, so when I say this hits all the lasagna marks, it hits all the lasagna marks.Bada Bing!

Spray a large piece of aluminum foil with Pam olive oil spray, cover the lasagna, bake for 20 minutes, remove the foil, bake anywhere from 15 to 25 minutes longer, until it's to your liking in terms of top browning.

As the lasagna bakes, let's prep our French Harlot green beans with shallots, butter and olive oil and the salad.

I grew up on green beans. I love green beans. My parents has a really cool mini farm in the back of the house where we grew beans and I loved them.

I am a firm believer in tasting the vegetable and not bathing it in cheese sauce or butter. What's the point? As a kid, sure, give me cheese on cauliflower or give me death, but not as an adult. This is why I made these with a classic French/Italian twist.

It's very simple. And fast.

Snip off the end of the green beans. Contrary to popular conception, there is no 'string' inside of string beans. You simply need to snap off the ends, rinse and put in a large bowl. The snapping of the ends is the hardest part.

Boil a scant about of water in a stainless steel skillet. Throw in 1 1/2 pounds beans. Cover and boil about 5 minutes. As they boil, chop up 2 large shallots.

Take off the lid, remove the beans to a separate bowl. Most of the water in the pan should be evaporated. Toss in a bit of unsalted butter, a tiny chug of olive oil and the shallots. Cook 1 minute. Throw in the beans. Cook 2 minutes, add a dash of salt and pepper, a tiny shaving of parmesan and you're done.

Serve with a side salad of 2 heads of meaty and tasty Butter lettuce, diced radishes, slices carrots, freshly baked spicy black pepper and onion powder croutons. Add a homemade dressing by mixing 6 tablespoons olive oil, 2 tablespoons fig balsamic vinegar and mix it up in a jar.

Sprinkle over and here she is:

Enjoy!!

Friday Movie Food Night! The ULTIMATE BURGER!

2009-11-05T11:17:00.052-05:00

In a restaurant I order everything I don't want,
so I have a lot to play around with while everyone else is eating.

Andy Warhol

Now here is how to have a meal:

Burger, burgers, burgers and more burgers! Seems everyone is eating burgers now!

Growing up I ate at Dick's Burgers (how appropriate) and at In-N-Out in California. McDonald is crap and we all know it, so I'm even going there. McDonalds is about real estate, not food.

Now there are so many burger places in New York it's mind-boggling. Lots of people are raving about these guys in town:

People from Jersey swear they are the most amazing burgers they've ever had. I'm excited. I want to try one but then...I don't.

Don't get me wrong - I love burgers. I was raised on beef. Beef and burgers. I'm all-American. But let's get really real, shall we?

Do you have any idea what is in most hamburgers you order in a restaurant? There is a reason, honey, those burgers are so moist.

Two words: FAT ASS.

Well, one word 'fat' but put it next to your 'ass' and that's what you'll get if you eat takeout burgers more than once a month. You know I'm right. That shit is awful for you. So what is the solution?

Make them at home!

Check out these easy homemade burger tricks. You'll love me for them...

First, all of the hardcore cooks will only eat burgers if they grind their own meat. Okay, you know what? That' s fabulous, it really is fabulous, but if you think anyone is going to the butcher on a Friday and standing over the food processor grinding sirloin so they have a great burger, then you are way too obsessed over food.

Not realistic.

Sure, grinding your own meat makes for a moist burger, but no one working a 40-60 hour week is going to do that on a Friday. I know I won't and I cook all the time.

In a screenwriting class I took with a famous teacher (who, turns out, was bipolar, which is why his lectures were so interesting), a student asked how they should choose which of their many stories to flesh out into full-length screenplays.

Mind you, this was for commercial studio films, so the idea was driven to mass interest, and this blog is for the average American, so it all applies...

The teacher said, "Imagine a married couple standing outside of a theater where ten movies are playing. They have been working all week. Managed the kids. Dealt with bosses, long days, a recession, depression, anxiety and all of the shit we have to deal with on every day...and when they look at the marquee, you want your movie to be the one they want to see over everyone else. Your want to write a Friday Night Movie."

That's what this meal and all others following are. The kind of ones you make on a tired Friday because you want to.

There are plenty of tricks you can use to make a great burger. The first trick it's not what goes on the burger but what goes in burger.

There is no need to get into the whole Cooks Illustrated science here (God, can they take the fun out of cooking or what?!). I know everyone wants a secret to cooking burgers and the exact measurements but it doesn't work that way.

BUT...there are guidelines.

Buy organic ground CHUCK. 85% lean is the best. Yes, it's fattier but that results in a better burger. You can always drain the fat as you cook. You can go with the leaner sirloin or ground turkey, but it will result in a less tasty burger. And again, you can drain and pat dry the fat off of the burger.

If you do go with ground turkey (I'll do a posting soon on the major benefits and pitfalls ground turkey) you must always buy 93/7 turkey (which means 7% fat). You are an idiot if you buy the 1% fat turkey. Dry as a bone.

I find one pound of meat for four people is fine. That means you are getting a 'quarter pounder' at home. You really don't need more meat than that, dear Lord.

Now you can add all sorts of stuff into the meat. This is one of my favorite combinations per 1 pound of meat:

1 large egg, beaten
2 slices of whole wheat soaked in 1% milk for 10 minutes
1-2 teaspoons of Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon of dried rosemary and thyme
1 small red onion, diced very small
2 shakes Worcester sauce
2 cloves garlic, minced very small
2 teaspoons Parmesan cheese
Tiny, TINY pinch of nutmeg
3 teaspoons pickled jalapenos, chopped
Pinch of salt
Healthy pinch of pepper

Neat, huh? Add very few extra calories but loads of taste.

Put the ground meat into a bowl. Very gently add the ingredients above. One of the biggest mistakes when making burgers is over-handling the meat. Treat the meat gently. Very gently.

Treat The Meat Gently. That could be the title of my bio.

You just want to mix until it all comes together. Making good, moist burgers reminds me of baking. Slow and easy does it.

Put the four burgers on a plate and put them in the freezer for 30 minutes.

Make your toppings. The logical route is to match what is INSIDE the burger with what is ON TOP of the burger.

Since I add jalapenos, I sometimes slice up Monterey Jack cheese...or will add more sliced jalapenos atop...of fresh, sliced white onions.

Here are my favorite toppings...you will want to get these ready before you cook the burgers:

Romaine hearts, chopped
Fresh Beefsteak tomatoes, sliced
Slices/grated cheese (more salty the better, you got the great taste of Parmesan in this) - Bleu is a great choice as a tiny bit goes a long way
White onions, sliced
Jalapenos, picked or fresh
Gherkins
KETCHUP
Dijon mustard
Sliced cucumbers
2 slices cooked turkey bacon per burger, great place to save calories

ROLLS - I am not a fan of the ordinary hamburger rolls in the supermarkets. Not soft, not big enough for a 'meal'. My favorite, by far, are ciabatta rolls. They are in most supermarkets and all bakeries.

Just as you won't buy cheap meat for the burger, you CANNOT get a cheap bun. It will ruin the experience.

Now, when you cook them, there are a few tricks I always use and it results in a moist burger.

Take the burgers out of the freezer. Get out a large 12 inch skillet with a secure fitting lid.

Heat up 2 teaspoons olive oil in the pan for a full 2 minutes over medium high heat. You want it very hot. Gently lay the patties in the pan and let them cook until they are seared on one side for 2 minutes.

Gently flip them over, cook another 2 minutes, then move the pan to the back burner, cover, cook on medium-low for 5-8 minutes, depending on how rare you like your burger.

How can you tell when a burger is done? Well, the facts are the FDA says it must have an internal temperature of 160 degrees it's good to go. I think that's a bit much.

As you cook more, you can tell by touch. If you press down on the top of the meat and it's got a bit of give, it's medium. A bit less give, medium-well. No matter how many times I try to teach people how to check temperatures of a burger, they invariably cut a slit in the side of the burger to check for the level of pink they like, which is fine.

When they are done, gently remove them from the skillet and put them on your ciabatta rolls (you either toast or not; up to you).

Fabulous burger!

For sides you can do just about anything. Go healthy, make a side salad with my favorite fig balsamic and croutons with sliced onion.

Fries are an option - as are my white trash favorite everyone loves to make fun of:

I know, I know. Shoot me but I do love me some Tater Tots. I had them as a kid, love them as an adult. It's what I wrote before. A lot of our food tastes come from our childhood, don't kid yourself.

I try to limit my side dish to a healthier option when making them at home. Too many carbs and too fattening.

I'm Irish, so when it comes to making potatoes, God blessed me. Soon I'll post a potato cooking day that will knock your socks off.
Enjoy your burgers, darlings!

xo

Mikey Bryan
Your Food Therapist

It's 'Take It Up The _______, Thursday!' AMAZING CRAB CAKES!

2009-11-04T09:37:00.034-05:00

Late last night I found out the major TV network known for airing the biggest cooking shows in the world passed on my show idea and me as the talent.

I know why they passed. My promo wasn't fast enough. It wasn't ME enough. How to get them to realize I am that true undiscovered talent they will kick themselves if they don't do SOMETHING with me.

I. Am. Meant. To. Be. On TV.

Like BORN to be on TV.

I think it's the gay thing, maybe, and the fact they are very G-rated. My charm is I bake pies on the weekends, always am polite in public, do the right moral thing and am consumed with the idea of kindness but then I also like to talk like a white-trash sailor about sex and relationships.

And who can wear a pair of Prada heels like no one.

I will say this - there is one woman I met there, (I'll call her G. K.) who was so sweet and lovely and charming...she was like the perfect gal pal and business woman I'd work with and who would watch the show.

She made the process so delightful. Thanks darling G. K.

Onward. Onward, onward, onward.

Let's set the mood, shall we?

Watch...

I decided on a recent trip to up my efforts to get people to read my blog. I've been relying on others to help get my TV project off the ground and that's been a mistake. I mean, it's a nice idea, others helping you with a creative career, but I find it's really up to me to be a One Man Band...once again.

I gorged on the most popular food bloggers. And after just a few days, I started to feel like I had taken way too much Immodium. I felt there was no way I could compete with them.

There were reams upon reams of arguments about the lack of culinary taste and education bloggers have; pages upon pages of bloggers saying how blasphemous and infuriating it is regular Joe's and Jane's think they have the audacity to write about food without having studied in Europe or at LEAST Le Cordon Bleu in the states.

Then I heard a voice. A tiny little bearded voice named Sean.

No, it wasn't my therapist.

Come with me to 1997. NYU. School of snotty, over-entitled girls with Prada bags and white yuppy boys who are dumb as a post.

My teacher had finished reading a story of mine and proceeded to tear it to shreds. He said I didn't get this voice, I didn't get that voice, I didn't know how to say this, how to say that -- on and on he went, quoting Faulkner, Hemingway, Tolstoy, saying I needed to know all of that work before I could possibly try to write.

He told me I wasn't a writer and that I should quit writing. Now.

He said only a very precious few are born writers - the rest of us are squatting in their Kingdom of Creativity and we need get out. He said Ed Albee agreed with him. He said a whole slew of famous writers agreed with him.

I wanted to die.

Out of the back of the class came the voice of Sean, one of my fellow students. He looked right at the teacher and said, "Who the fuck died and made you the God of the writing world? I mean, really man. Who the FUCK?"

God bless tiny, hairy and cute straight boy Sean - he was right. Everyone has right to do anything they want if they feel it is something they must do.

If you feel you must write, write.

If you feel you must dance, dance.

If you feel you must cook, cook.

You may not, in the end, be Barishnikov or Hemingway or Pepin, but don't let anyone tell you to stop because, in their view, you are not 'born' to do it or because you are not doing it the right way.

Fuck 'em.

Remember...that tells you more about their insecurities than yours. Trust me.

Which is why I am not stopping on this blog or with this project.

Is The Food Therapist a variety show? A cooking show? A show with a musical number at the beginning? Is it three shows in one?

Yes. It's all of them. Deal.

Born cooks, writers and dancers indeed.

Who DID make you God?

Onward!

Now, why is Thursday called "Take It Up The ______, Thursday?" Because I want to be an equal opportunity gay blogger. Wherever you DO take it 'up', this is your foodie day!

All meals on Thursday will be about sex and romance.

See...I love everyone for who they are.

This first 'ketchup' first recipe is from the amazing Jacques Pepin.

The second 'ketchup' recipe will be for tomorrow's special Friday Take-Out Edition.

He wrote a great book a few years back, Fast Food My Way, and it's a dream. I'm sure the snobby food bloggers are yawning over this, but I ain't writing for you, honey! I'm writing for you home cooks who are looking for something a bit off of the beaten path.

He wrote a follow-up to this book I'm not a crazy about. This first edition is the real deal.

One of my favorite recipes is his Zesty Crab Cakes. They are sublime. I made a few tweaks and moved a few things around, but it's 70% Jacques so I can't claim it. Some of Jacques recipes are a bit more difficult than they appear because he's so damn good at what he does he forgets most home cooks are not as good with cutting or assembling as he is.

But I can't fault the man. He is so generous in his TV shows and has been an inspiration to so many cooks for so many years, I adore him, I just adore him.

Try this meal with a nice side salad of mesculin greens and fresh croutons with olive oil and fig balsamic vinegar and you simply cannot go wrong! Better yet, this pairs well with a variety of tomatoes and vinegar. You don't need much more than that.

Well, I wouldn't turn down torn pieces of a baguette but that's simply ME, darling.

And this meal is a great one for "Take It Up The ________, Thursday!" Sure, it's fish, but it's light, very tasty, not heavy and won't make you feel bloated either during of after, well - you get the idea, girl.

ZESTY CRAB CAKES
w/ ZESTY RED SAUCE!

Let's cook!

Total cooking time: 20 minutes

Serving size: 4

INGREDIENTS:

8 ounces crab meat
1 and 1/2 cup bread crumbs DIVIDED
3 large scallions, minced
3 teaspoons garlic, chopped or pressed through a garlic press
3 tablespoons low-fat mayonnaise
1-3 teaspoons Tabasco sauce

1/3 cup sliced almonds, chopped
2 tablespoons peanut or canola oil

2 egg whites

On crabmeat. Varies widely. Your handy-dandy guide:

Lump or Lump Crab Meat

Jumbo Lump comes from the pair of large muscles that drive the crab's swimming legs. Grades identified simply as Lump are from smaller crab varieties. Use Jumbo Lump when you want to display beautiful white meat...that's right, I wrote 'display white beautiful white meat.'

I need a drink.

Jumbo Lump Crab Meat

This a lovely type for crab cakes, if you can find it and afford it. Girls in the ghetto will have a problem affording this one.

Lump or Backfin Lump Crab Meat

Lump or Backfin is the preferred grade for many traditional crab dishes. It has the same fine flavor and texture of Jumbo Lump, but is in slightly smaller pieces. It has the same caloric value as Jumbo Lump. Some companies call this grade Lump, some Backfin, and some Backfin Lump. The reason is that many packers include a large percentage of White Crab Meat (body meat—see below) in cans labeled Backfin. If you purchase a can labeled Lump, it will be all lump meat—just not Jumbo Lump.

White Crab Meat

Canned white crab meat is popular and good for crab cakes

Let's cook!

Mix the first six ingredients together LIGHTLY (use only 1 cup of breadcrumbs).

Don't manhandle the crab. Be gentle you big brute.

Crush the remaining breadcrumbs with the almonds. The yuppie method is to use a food processor. My white trash way is to put the crumbs and almonds in a plastic bag and smashing it with the edge of a frying pan. Laugh, but it works bitch.

Form the crab mixture into 4 patties.

Mix up the egg whites in a separate bowl.

Gently dip the crab cakes into the egg, then dip into the crumb/almond mixture until it is coated on all sides. You have to be patient and press.

Heat the oil in a nonstick skillet over medium heat and arrange the patties next to one another in the pan, handling them very gently because they are very, very soft.

Cook for about 3 minutes on each side. Keep warm in the oven.

SAUCE:

Mix 1/3 cup mayonnaise, 2 tablespoons ketchup, 1 teaspoon wasabi paste or wasabi powder, 2 teaspoons fresh lime juice, and 1 tablespoon water.

Don't skip the wasabi paste. That is the trick. I have been using wasabi paste for along time and I love it.

I normally double the sauce for the crab cakes, as this tends to be a slight amount for the meal.

And after this recipe, you know what you'll be singing?

WHAT THE F*** WEDNESDAY - The wonders of ketchup and childhood!

2009-11-03T12:41:00.021-05:00

American's will eat garbage provided
you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup.

Arthur Miller

-----------------------------------------------------------

Before I get into the wisdom and American obsession with the condiment ketchup, may I point out today is Wednesday.

Hump Day.

Horrid mid-week day.

What I crassly call What The F*** Wednesday. Every Wednesday is a gamble and on this blog, anything goes on Wednesday.

In the immortal words of the classic Risky Business (which played a huge role in my youth), these are words to cherish:

Whatever gets you through the day is all good! And clearly one of the things that got many of us through childhood was ketchup.

But before we go there, let's have a little Xanadu for our morning, shall we?

There. Wasn't that fun?

Okay...KETCHUP!

35.8 million tons of ketchup were consumed worldwide in 2008. That's a lot of ketchup. We are obsessed with it. The most popular by far is Heinz.

Despite the plethora of mustard's and mayonnaise and other condiments on the market, there are none which surpass Heinz and there has never been. Malcolm Gladwell wrote a great article in 2004 on the conundrum.

If you have the interest, the article is worth the time to read:

http://www.gladwell.com/2004/2004_09_06_a_ketchup.html

When I began reading about ketchup I had no idea the reams upon reams of scholarly research there was on the subject.

I mean, why?

Why so much time and effort to dissect the reason why so many people have devoted so much time, effort and money to only one brand of ketchup.

I figured it had to be money. Why else? It's a billion dollar industry Heinz has cornered. I've always been perplexed by the national obsession with ketchup. So I did a bit of reading.

It all comes down to 'umami.'

There are five known fundamental tastes in the human palate: salty, sweet, sour, bitter, and umami. Umami is the proteiny, full-bodied taste of chicken soup, or cured meat, or fish stock, or aged cheese, or soy sauce, or mushrooms, or seaweed, or cooked tomato, like the cooked tomato which Heinz perfected with their thick and rich tomato ketchup product.

On Monday I wrote about the nice gay couple in Florida I met. One of them had memories of ketchup and breakfast and since then always has to have breakfast with loads of ketchup in an effort to psychologically squash his dark childhood.

The other one told me developmentally our tastes stop at age 3 or so. I thought that was a bit absurd.

Seems he may have had a point.

Gladwell wrote in his article the truth little kids are neophobie. By age 3, they shy away from new tastes.

He wrote, "that makes sense since throughout much of human history that is the age at which children would have first begun to gather and forage for themselves, and those who strayed from what was known and trusted would never have survived. There the three-year-old was, confronted with something strange on his plate—tuna fish, perhaps, or Brussels sprouts—and he wanted to alter his food in some way that made the unfamiliar familiar. He wanted to subdue the contents of his plate. And so he turned to ketchup, because, alone among the condiments on the table, ketchup could deliver sweet and sour and salty and bitter and umami, all at once. "

Ascribe it to the sensation and taste of umami or to the memories of childhood, but ketchup is, like soy sauce and tomatoes and cheese rinds and cooking stock an elemental and basic component to all foods which many home cooks dismiss but shouldn't.

There is a deep pathological and psychological pull to and with these foods which both remind us of our childhood and fulfill out taste buds with a sensation few other foods can.

Tomorrow, I'm going to detail two fantastic recipes using ketchup as either a binder or a star condiment.

Heinz ketchup isn't going anywhere anytime soon. Neither are memories of your childhood.

Time to embrace both.

Mikey Bryan Your Food Therapist

TRANNY-DIP TUESDAYS: First - Dance! Then - AMAZING CHICKEN POT PIE!

2009-11-03T09:30:00.021-05:00

Welcome to Tranny-Dip Tuesday's!

I know I am always one to dip down into the slums on Tuesday. It's only Tuesday...you still have four days of a regular job to wade through...the gym sucked, you co-workers are needy and you have to cook tonight.

DON'T TRANNY-DIP. Let's start the day off with a bang.

WATCH THIS:

There! Don't you feel a little better.

Okay - yesterday I wrote about people and their childhood memories. I can always get depressed when I compare myself to my mother. I loved her but she was a major psychological mess.

But one thing we did do together well was make CHICKEN POT PIE!

Come with me...
A few years ago, she passed. She and I were always at odds with each other, but if there was one thing we had in common, it was our unfailing sense of humor and ability to see the irony in life.

In the end, she gave into the darker side of her own private demons, but a few months before she passed away, she called me in New York (she lived in Boise, Idaho at the time, in a smallish trailer park - yea, honey, I'm white trash raised) and asked me if I remembered when she and I used to make her famous Chicken Pot Pie together.

I told her I did. I told her I remembered them as the best times we had together. I also told her how big our asses got after we ate it. She dismissed me on the phone and asked me, “Yea, yea, but didn’t it taste great?” and I replied, “It sure as hell did.”

My mother was a difficult woman but the days we spent in the kitchen making her famous Chicken Pot Pie are some of the best days I can remember. And since it's getting colder in the country it's time to reinvent this famous pie.

She was an intelligent and compassionate woman who was also a skilled homemaker and, in the last third of her life, a nursing student who worked in the field as an RN for several doctors in the Seattle area.

As I write this I can see her weathered and gentle hands as she would roll out the dough for the pie and stir the pot with the filling. Today, I still make her Chicken Pot Pie recipe but I’ve lightened it up. Let’s be honest. Chicken Pot Pie is never a light meal. But over the years I’ve experimented and learned to lighten it up.

The classic Chicken Pot Pie recipe is made with heavy cream and loads of butter so you have a thick, creamy sauce to nestle the tender chicken, taste onions and peas and carrots inside. Add to it a homemade buttery crust and you are in heaven! Yum!

But all that butter and cream makes you fat and clogs your arteries so how to make this a tasty treat and not kill yourself in the process?The following is my mother’s recipe and my own recipes. Because I make it thinking of the best times we ever had, it always tastes homey and comforting without all the fat and calories.

Here is the famous recipe for

MAMA BRYAN'S *LIGHTER* CHICKEN POT PIE!

Ingredients:

☺ 2 bone-in, skin-on chicken breasts (don’t fight me here…you shred the meat later but you need the bone and the skin so the meat is tender).
☺ Salt* and pepper to taste
☺ 4 medium carrots, sliced ¼ thin
☺ 1 large onion, chopped fine
☺ ½ teaspoon dried thyme leaves
☺ ¼ cup all-purpose flour
☺ 2 ½ cups 1% low-fat milk
☺ ½ package baby frozen peas, thawed (10 ounce box)
☺ ½ package of frozen corn, thawed (10 ounce box)
☺ 1 lemon, halved and juice squeezed
☺ 6 phyllo sheets or 1 sheet of Pillsbury Pie Crust

Let’s cook!

1. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees (is your oven unpredictable? Then you must get an oven thermometer. These two are cheap and very reliable: Taylor Classic Oven Guide Thermometer @ Model # 5921 at $14.95 and Component Design Magnet Mounted Thermometer Model MTOI @ $6.99 – both are available at Amazon.com…beware though – you cannot wipe the front of the Taylor thermometer after it’s dirty or you will wipe off the #’s.)

2. Put your chicken on a rimmed baking sheet (no need to oil) and salt and pepper them well. Roast them until a thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the breast (watch out for the bone!) reads 160 degrees**, which will take 25-30 minutes.

3. When the chicken is cool, take off the skin and gently shred the skin into bite-size pieces. If it’s too hot, you can always use two forks to pull apart the flesh (flesh…so gross). Set all that flesh aside. Ew, ew and ew.

4. About ten minutes into the chicken roasting, heat two tablespoons oil in a 10 inch saucepan, season with a dash of salt and pepper and cook on medium heat until carrots are crisp-tender, around 8 minutes (please don’t omit the salt at this point…adding a pinch of salt to onion helps to draw out moisture and resulting in the onions cooking evenly and not burning).

5. Add flour and cook, 1 minute, mixing constantly.

6. Gradually add milk (gradually add…do not rush this or you will ruin the dish) and cook – the mixture will go from a thick paste to a slightly thick cream sauce. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the mixture thickens, about 10 minutes or so.

7. Remove the mixture from the stove, stir in your peas, corn, lemon juice and chicken. Pour the filling gently into a 9-inch pie pan***.

8. Now you have one of two choices – if you want to go ‘healthy’ and less fat, use the phyllo dough. If you want to go traditional, then use pie crust on the top.

9. For the phyllo dough: this will sound confusing, but it’s really not. Phyllo comes in stacks of pieces. Phyllo dough is paper-thin sheets of raw, unleavened flour dough. Cut out an 11-inch circle from the stack; working with 2 pieces of phyllo at a time, gently brush them with oil and place phyllo over the pie (watching so you are 2 inches from the edge of the pie plate). When you have the stack over the pie press down gently until it fits inside of the rim. Bake 20-25 minutes and you are golden!

10. For the pie crush, simply unroll the Pillsbury dough, place gently over the pie and gently crimp along the sides. Cut two four inch slits in the top of the crush. In a small, separate bowl mix an egg yolk and 2 tablespoons of heavy cream. Gently brush this over the pie crust (making sure it doesn’t pool in the corners), and bake for 20-25 minutes until its bubbly.
Enjoy!

CHICKEN POT PIE WISDOM

*SALT: The skinny on salt is for most receipts Morton’s table salt is just fine. I tend to prefer the meatier taste of kosher salt but any salt will ultimately do. The TRICK is to always err on the side of LESS salt and taste as you cook.

** I learned a valuable lesson years ago from Chef Jacques Pepin when cooking meat. In America, we love to cook meat to the point where it almost dries up and flies away. The cooking of meat (especially chicken) is a true art. You always want to cook chicken to the point where it just turns white…and that point is right when it hits 160 degrees not 165 as most recipes books will tell you.

This means you need to get used to using a good, reliable instant-read thermometer or live with cutting the damn thing open and seeing if it’s still pink or not.

When you cook chicken to 160 degrees, take it out of the oven and let it sit on the counter. As it sits on the counter it continues to cook and will reach 165 degrees slowly and thus result in a moist, tender chicken breast. Nothing worse than dry chicken. *gag*.

*** Martha Stewart and Pyrex make great, cheap glass pie plates which are perfect for this. Around $8. Martha has a nice line of green ones at K-mart we like a lot. I have ten of them!

Kisses to you on a Tuesday! Remember...don't Tranny-Dip!

Celebrate your life and make Mama Bryan's Chicken Pot Pie tonight!

xo

Mikey Bryan Your Food Therapist

MANIC MONDAY: Glories of Fort Lauderdale...

2009-11-02T11:29:00.032-05:00

Ahhh...Florida.

Look at these two gals. I found them in the produce aisle of the Whole Foods in Fort Lauderdale (which is FAB, just FAB). We had a ball helping a hunky gaggle of gays choose produce to take back to their B&B before a night of drinking and dancing.

I jest (kinda).

I just came back from Fort Lauderdale where the weather is fabulous and the people are so damn nice. What was especially nice was spending time with my wonderful partner and our friends. You realize how blessed you are in this life to have people who love you for who you truly are. But as I always say - they can only love you if you love yourself.

Truly, they read my blog so I have to tell each one of them, I adore you beyond all reason Joe, Greg, Will and Andy. You are truly the best gal pals a gay guy could ever have.

And my partner, Andy, is the biggest blessing in my life. You are everything to me.

Now...onto the FOOD.

Being the big gay man that I am (big in waist, heart and personality), I am always on the hunt for food in Fort Lauderdale. For breakfast, the place to go is a fabulous, down-to-earth joint Egg and You. Big plates of tasty and fluffy pancakes, truly light omelette's and amazing eggs. Wonderful and real food for those who MUST have a tasty breakfast.

Egg and You is @ 2621 N Federal Hwy in Fort Lauderdale and their telephone is (954) 564-2045‎.

Egg and You do serve burgers, but for a burger everyone in Wilton Manors knows the place to go is Rosie's. Dear Lord. Have a margarita and a burger there you'll never want to leave. Even for those of you who are worried about your waistlines, you can relax - this is the kind of place where a burger in the early afternoon will hold you ALL day long. The wine and beer list is shockingly extensive and and the burgers...well...as I said before, unreal.

They have two star burgers: Rancho Burger and Rodeo Burger. The Rancho is very simple - sharp Wisconsin cheddar, crispy bacon and BBQ...I had this one day and added sauteed onions and it was great. The Rodeo is a very nice, subtle blue cheese and crispy bacon burger.

The fries are nice, but their potato salad is very fresh and tangy.

The rest of the food is very standard fair. I tried a taste of the crab cakes and they were so-s0...the chicken burger is bland and the salads uninspired. This is the place for burgers, plain and simple.

Rosie's is @ 2449 Wilton drive in the Wilton Manors section of Fort Lauderdale and their # is 954-563-0123.

One of the biggest surprises to me was the Thai food in Fort Lauderdale.

Now, I'm not a New York City snob. I'm not one of those who thinks Florida is a wasteland of nothing but strip malls and vapid culture. I mean, sure, some in Florida are a bit uneducated and could benefit from a visit to the orthodontist, but we can't all be rocket scientists.

One thing they do have is GREAT Thai food.

The first is where all the snobby residents go - it's called Galanga and it's pretty damn good but it's not THAT good.

On the other side of the street is a very simple and less elegant but good Thai restaurant called Tasty Thai. Tasty Thai lacks ambiance but the noodles and meat dishes were fresh and bright, and very inexpensive.

Galanga is at 2389 Wilton Drive in Wilton Manors and their # is 954.202.0000.

Tasty Thai is at 2254 Wilton Drive in Wilton Manors and their # is 954.396.3177

And despite my New York snobbery over pizza, the local pizza joint, Humpy's was very good. I had a sliced meatball slice that was spicy and had just the right amount of red sauce on it.

My friends had the spicy sausage and the white pie which was very tasty. Of course, Humpy's may be good but their crust lacked an authentic NYC bite to it, but it does the job if you have a hankering for pizza.

Gosh, wonder if they cater to The Gays.

Whenever I meet people the conversation inevitably goes to my feverish search for a home for my cooking show. It was no different in Fort Lauderdale.

After they all assured me I'd be a TV star soon, very soon, they would then spill all their food stories.

The most interesting one was from a sweet New England couple who told me one of the two always had to have a big breakfast with ketchup on just about everything. Apparently, the person who was ketchup happy was so because eating it reminded him of happier times.

He has, like all of us, a dark shadow to his childhood. He never knew his father. Still doesn't. The reasons why he doesn't is much too personal for me to write about them on a public blog, but suffice to say it's a mind fuck.

But one of the memories he does have during his childhood is when his mother would make him breakfast and he'd have ketchup over everything. Like...everything. So everyday he likes to have a big breakfast with (you guessed it) ketchup.

His partner (a very sweet man who reminds me of my husband in 20 years) said he read once we develop all of our food desires by the age of 3. After that, our cognitive process halts. Sure, we continue to learn, but by 3 our deepest food desires are hardwired.

He said he felt the show needs to be more about a focus on childhood. I agree. So I am going to add the idea of our needing to examine our childhood experiences with food to our relationship to food. The idea isn't really new as my entire show is about people and relationships, but it did dare me to everyone to ask themselves:

What are your earliest
childhood food memories?

Tell me...I'd love to hear...

Mikey Bryan Your Food Therapist

Rage and The Biggest Loser

2009-10-21T13:01:00.043-04:00

Some very interesting news the other day regarding Jillian Michaels and the juggernaut which is known as The Biggest Loser. Seems Ms. Michaels is going to have a new show called Losing It With Jullian.

She will follow families in their homes and help change their diet and exercise habits.

Reveille and Empowered Media are producing. Giants in reality TV.

NBC has ordered eight segments of the series. Major money.

In the press release, this is what Ms. Michaels had to say about the show: "I hear all the time from people about 'Oh, it'd be so easy to do if I was on the ranch, if I had a personal gym. I got sick of hearing it. So we're telling people, we'll come to you and teach you how to be healthy."

The idea is each week she will work with a different family to help them make changes in their diet and exercise plans (or create ones, if there is a lack of).

Michaels is serving as executive producer (means she's one the big bosses), along with some of Oprah's team.

Joining Michaels will be the sweet and pretty (yet oddly uninteresting) chef Curtis Stone. Cutie Curtis will help guests make healthy meals and teach them how to cook healthier.

I love the idea. I do. I think a show about helping people become healthier is only a good thing. But I can't say I'm a total fan of Jillian's style of empowering.

It's odd -- she clearly knows people. I wouldn't be surprised if she has a degree in social work or if she's had some sort of training outside of her abrasive TV persona or been in therapy or read books on therapy...she's knows the deeper stuff of what makes people tick. She's smart, aware.

But she can be a bitch, can't she?

Nice rage issues for a show that featured Long Island-based physical trainer Anthony Badalamenti. Remember Sweet Tony? He was convicted last August of (according to police) allegedly inflicting multiple lacerations and bruises on the right hand, right leg and buttocks of his girlfriend's 6 year old child for 20 non-stop minutes.

The boy screamed so loud for help it caused the neighbors to call the police.

Am I making a connection between Tony and Jillian style of training? Absolutely not. Am I saying they advocated his methods? Absolutely not. Where they horrified he was a child beater? Of course. Please.

But...unleashing and promoting a hard-ass attitude in this life as the primary motivator to help people change is not, in my view, the best motivator to be rewarded or encouraged.

I see this attitude in New York City all the time. Be tough, be hard, be firm and take no prisoners. Sure, some people respond to that, but I don't think the majority of people DO. It scares people, it doesn't motivate them.

It's like pulling out a rotten tooth and leaving the festering nerve behind. Sure, the tooth is gone, but what about the nerve?

Don't get me wrong. The Biggest Loser is fantastic reality TV. A model all others contestant-driven reality shows must model themselves after.

Despite the fact it's showing its fake 'reality TV' seams too often (please, the product placement and the scripted moments are downright painful), you can't fake weight loss and the emotional stakes are engrossing.

While I can't deny she gets results, she doesn't need to be so nasty. Caring works wonders.

In this country, we feel caring and supportive behavior is weak and ineffective. We reward abrasive and caustic behavior. It's active, it has movement to it, it's something we can latch onto and it's something which plays well on TV.

I think the trick is to be a balance of the strong, diligent person and the patient, caring person. Which is why The Biggest Loser has both Bob and Jillian. Very logical.

Right, like Bob isn't gay...

Which brings me to today's blog.

The Biggest Loser is all about horribly obese people losing tremendous amounts of weight. If they don't, most will die a premature death. It's truly life or death.

None of the contestants are the 'average Joe and Jane' in American who must lose somewhere between 10-20 pounds to be in a much healthier weight bracket.

Yet I'm one of those people.

For years, I've carried around 10-20 pounds of extra weight. I've been teetering towards the extra 20 pounds as I reach my mid-40-'s.

The effects of such weight gain for a man of my age and size is not as immediately life threatening as the people on The Biggest Loser, but it IS shortening my life span and reducing the quality of my life.

I have to lose it to have a longer and better life.

I know so many people who are up to 20 pounds overweight. Some up to 40 pounds, but the magic number for most people seems to be around 20 pounds.

I have always envisioned The Food Therapist being about the effects of food and mood, but I've always wanted it to be about AFFORDABLE HEALTH.

How can the average middle-class American eat well and lose weight and not go broke in the process?

Most people who are terribly overweight are so because they eat the wrong foods which are fattening and CHEAP. Organic food is expensive. Health food is expensive.

McDonald isn't.

So I am putting my money where my mouth is. Every week, I am going to weight myself and I am going to lose the 10-20 pounds I have had around my gut for so many years.

And the way to do that is the combination of two things they always show on The Biggest Loser but they are the secret key:

Food
Exercise

We'll call this Biggest Loser-American Style.

I work out 6 times a week. So I know this is the tried and true 'calories in/calories out' system. I am putting in too many calories. It's that simple.

Years ago, when I taught aerobics, I knew teachers who taught all the time but couldn't get their ass to shrink down. They worked out everyday. Hard. 2 hours of 80's style aerobics. And they didn't lose weight. Why?

Food.

It all comes down to the food.

But not only the food -- the emotional process which gets in the way of us eating the wrong foods and the right foods.

I am going to make part of the focus of this blog about my own emotional journey to lose my bit of a gut by watching everything I'm eating and making smart food choices and dealing with the emotions behind these choices.

I feel bad I still have a bit of a gut. I feel like I'm fat and I hate I now wear a size 34 waist jean. I used to wear 29. I've gone up 5 sizes and I'm only in my mid-40's.

The madness must stop.

So part of this blog will by my own personal journey to lose my extra weight by creating healthier foods at home and honestly taking a look at what is in the foods I create at home.

Oprah may not be able to tame her inner demons making her eat her dreaded blue corn chips at night, but I sure as hell am going to try and tame my own.

For me...for my family...for my life.

They always say a therapist can't help the patient until they help themselves. And this is one of the few areas in my life I need to manage. Of course, it makes sense I'm trying to get a handle on my gut while I try to push a cooking show.

Life is one ironic journey, isn't it?

Mikey Bryan
Your Food Therapist

Brisket makes you happy!

2009-10-12T11:44:00.127-04:00

Meat.

Potatoes.

Ugh (as in a caveman grunt).

I used to think I could eat meat and potatoes all day, but I've come to realize my Irish roots have resulted in my needing to eat potatoes every day but my slightly sophisticated tastes need meat well seasoned and tasty. (Andy swears by my potatoes - he says I could cook a potato blindfolded and he's right).

I'm not a fan of the meaty taste of meat. Gamey meat scares me. I've eaten it all: venison, lamb, goat, every part of the cow, ostrich, buffalo, alligator...loads of loads and loads of different red meats .

Wow. I'm salivating as I write this.

But I digress!

Meaty tasting meat scares me.

Problem is most of the tasty meat you have in restaurants is full of fat, calories, sodium and sugar. That is one of the primary reasons I cook so much at home. I control what myself and my husband put in our bodies. I know exactly what we are eating. And our energy levels and consistent health has proven to me we are doing the right thing.

If you eat right for most of the time, you feel right both physically and emotionally. Throw in 5-6 days a week of physical activity and I'm telling you, you are unstoppable.

You feel simply...here. Present. Aware.

I've written about this before, but you know that funky slump you feel around 2PM or so? Maybe 3PM? You feel a bit depressed, lethargic and plain 'down'?

You're irritable because you are not making smart choice in your diet.

It's the truth!

Our neurotransmitter production is regulated by what we eat. What the hell is a neurotransmitter?

They are brain chemicals which are made from amino acids, the building blocks of proteins.

Study after study shows if you limit the amount and types of protein, sweets or simple carbs in yoru diet, your neurotransmitters are throw off!

Which makes you wacky.

You get pissy, annoyed, short tempered (normal behavior for New Yorkers; not so normal for the rest of the world), feel up and down; manic one moment, depressed the next. It also affects your sex drive AND your sleeping patterns.

Hello?!

The most famous neurotransmitter - serotonin - drops even if you have only been dieting for three weeks! Serotonin is known as the “feel good” neurotransmitter. It allows the body and mind to stay focused and relaxed.

You can easily imagine what can happen with frequent dieting… fatigue, lack of focus, bad moods, cravings and an overall lower level of willpower.

For women, hormone imbalances or PMS can also increase one’s probability of depleting serotonin levels.

Serotonin levels can be elevated by antidepressant medications. Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft and others.

I've written this until I'm blue in the face (fingers; face?) but if the type and timing of a person’s food intake were optimized for serotonin production, can we treat depression without medication?

I know it's absurd to think we can across the board, but research has shown it is a PROBABLE.

The link between this neurotransmitter and diet is really damn obvious.

Serotonin is made from tryptophan, an amino acid, along with B vitamins.

Tryptophan is found in protein-rich foods, however, in order for it to have access to and work in the brain, a carbohydrate source is needed as well.

When serotonin levels drop too low, the body attempts to remedy the situation by increasing serotonin production. How does it do this?

The brain produces cravings for sugary, sweet refined-carbohydrate foods such as candies, cookies, jams, icing and other desserts.

Why?

This is the answer - and God, I wish it could be a mandate all New Yorkers would be forced to memorize so they'd get in a BETTER MOOD (can you tell I'm in an 'I hate mean New Yorkers mood'?):

1. Carbs increase serotonin levels on their own, without protein.

2. These carbs are highly refined. They take relatively short amounts of time for the body to digest them. Their effect on serotonin production is thus quite rapid.

3. Cravings are satisfied because these simple carbohydrate foods also tend to cause a rapid rise in blood glucose, followed by a large drop - sort of the crash and burn effect. This is due to the fact that simple sugars require little digestion to be converted to glucose, the form of energy our bodies use. A quick lift followed by the crash and burn effect can result in an ongoing cycle that doesn’t get the chance to smooth out unless food choices change.

4. To prevent this from happening, carbohydrates that are nutrient- and fiber-rich are much preferable. Known as complex carbohydrates, these carbohydrates do not cause the immediate, drastic increase in blood sugar followed by a sharp crash, thereby keeping blood sugar at a more stable, even keel over time.

This results in improved mood!

That’s why eating the right foods at the right times of the day is vitally important to feeling great and staying energized throughout the day.

Whole grains and low-sugar cereals, most fresh and frozen vegetables and fruits without added sugar, lentils, peas, beans, brown rice, oat and rice bran, seeds and nuts.

You’ll also want to include protein-laden foods for steady and consistent serotonin production...hence today's recipe:

SPICY AND HEARTY HOMEMADE BBQ SLOW-COOKER BEEF BRISKET

with

SPICY AND CREAMY COLESLAW

with

CRISPY YUKON GOLD POTATO MEDALLIONS

Managing your blood sugar will assist in maintaining adequate levels of serotonin which results in an enhanced mood and an improved sense of well-being.

This meal at will provide you with the ideal combination to take you through a large span of time feeling calm, level and aware - and it tastes DAMN GOOD.

Here we go!

Let's cook!

COOK TIME FROM START TO FINISH: 24 hours

Active physical cooking time: 1 hour

Will serve as 8 generous portions

What you'll need for the BRISKET:

4-5 pound FLAT CUT Beef Brisket*

Spice rub:

1/8 cup light brown sugar
1/4 cup plain, non-Hungarian paprika
2 teaspoons cayenne pepper
2 teaspoons hot chili powder
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon coriander
2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons cracked pepper

1 bottle BULLS-EYE BBQ SAUCE, or (the preferred method), homemade BBQ Sauce.

HOMEMADE BBQ Sauce:

Ingredients:

1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
2 large yellow onions, chopped fine
5 cloves garlic, chopped fine
1 cup salt-free ketchup
½ cup water
4 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper

What'll you need for the COLESLAW:

Dole ready-made bag of coleslaw (in the fridge section)
2 tablespoons low-fat mayo
3-5 teaspoons cider vinegar
1/4 cup low-fat Buttermilk, 1% milk fat
1 teaspoons salt
Loads of fresh pepper

What you'll need for the YUKON POTATO MEDALLIONS:

5-6 medium to large Yukon gold potatoes, sliced into 1/2 rounds
3 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
Pam extra-virgin olive oil spray
2 teaspoons salt
Fresh cracked pepper to taste

ON BEEF BRISKET:

*I learned about Beef Brisket from my dad and his brothers. They told me the cut of meat is located in the carcass between the fore shank and the plate. The actual meat is removed and trimmed into two distinct cuts, the Flat Cut (first cut) and the Point Cut (second cut). Due to the size of the full Brisket, which may weight between 8 to 12 pounds, it is cut in half by the butcher.

The Flat Cut, which is the piece typically cut by your local butcher, is a leaner and thinner cut of meat. A full layer of fat should be present on one side of the meat surface enabling the Flat Cut to remain moist and flavorful when cooked, but the fat should only be over 1/2 of one side of the meat.

The second cut is the Point Cut, or as my Dad called it, the Deckle. Avoid this cut. It's thicker and fattier.

The fat in both cuts of Beef Brisket help to moisten the meat when the cuts are slow cooked.

Brisket is great for our leaner economic times. I bought a 5 pound piece at Whole Foods in the Chelsea neighborhood of Manhattan and paid $4.99 a pound which is a great price, even at Whole Paycheck, er, WHOLE FOODS.

Here is what it should look like.

This side is the side with fat. See how it's a nice, thin layer over most of one side of the meat?

And here is the other side which I had the butcher cut so it's very lean.

You need fat on this meat so it tenderizes as it cooks, but to reduce fat and calories, you need only one side to have fat and only part of that one side.

The idea with tougher cuts of meat is you have to cook them longer to break down the muscle tissue and fiber. So, while Brisket is super cheap, it takes time but it DOESN'T take energy.

Here is what you do:

The night prior to putting in the slow-cooker but if all over with the spice rub (detailed above). Really massage the meat with the spices. I know, so gross, but it's so essential.

Wrap it up very, very tightly with Saran Wrap and refrigerate and put in the fridge for up to 24 hours.

What I did was wrap it up tight Saturday night @ 10PM then on Sunday morning @ 7:30AM I put it in the slow cooker. Yea, I know, my husband and I are clearly major party boys.

Put it in the slow cooker and set it on low for 10-12 hours, or, high for 5-6 hours. I personally like the taste of longer cooking, but both are fine.

After you have put the brisket in the cooker, either make the Homemade BBQ Sauce or use Bulls eye Brand BBQ (just about the best on the market).

Clearly, homemade is much better for you and has a stronger flavor, but if you simply don't have the energy or the time, I understand.

Make the Homemade Sauce by doing the following:

Heat up the oil in a 12 inch non-stick skillet

After 1 minute, add the onion and cook until clear, about 5 minutes

Add garlic, cook 30 seconds

Add the remaining ingredients and cook until thick, about 5-10 minutes

Pour the entire sauce over the brisket OR the entire bottle and cook until the meat offers very little resistance when the tines of a fork are pressed into the thickest center section.

Take the meat out of the cooker (careful; it's very heavy), put in a large casserole dish and loosely cover with aluminum foil. Now, tip the edge of the slow cooker insert up one one side so the sauce gathers on one end. Don't take the insert OUT just tip it so the sauce can gather at one end.

Let the sauce sit in the slow cooker for 10 or 15 minutes, then skim the surface of the sauce with a big spoon to remove some of the fat.

Now - stab the brisket all over with a fork and pour half of the sauce the cooker over it and then cover and let the meat sit for at least 30 minutes, preferably one hour.

Pour our the remaining sauce into a 2-cup glass measuring cup and let it sit to the side.

As the meat rests, occasionally skim the top of the thin layer of fat off of the sauce in the measuring cup until it's mostly fat free. Taste the sauce.

You WILL be amazed. YUM.

Now, as the meat is resting and allowed to soak up those amazing BBQ flavors, you can work on your coleslaw and potatoes which are an essential part of ANY brisket meal!

Get the above item - Dole's Classic Cole Slaw mix. So simple to use. It's great for all kinds of diets. I use it on tacos and burgers - but for a quick coleslaw for brisket it can't be beat.

As the brisket is resting, mix the entire bag with the mayo, the buttermilk, the salt and pepper and vinegar and taste. If you like a bit of spice, you can add up to 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper or a bit more vinegar. Adds hardly any calories.

Let the coleslaw sit and rest as you work on the potatoes.

Put your oven rack on the bottom run. Make sure it's a jelly-roll pan which can take intense heat and not warp.

Heat oven (with jelly-roll pan IN the oven) to 450 degrees.

Slice your potatoes so they are 1/2 inch wide. Very important they are the same width. Measure if you need to. No shame in measuring. Oh, I could write something nasty here but I shall refrain.

Now, this system I got from reading a newer Cooks Illustrated recipe, but, despite their audacious claim, not all of their recipes always 'work'...so I tweaked this a bit.

Put the slices potatoes in cold water in a pot over a high flame. When it reaches a boil (hint: you can make the water boil faster by covering with a lid - thank to my science hubby for this factoid!), reduce to a simmer for only five minutes.

Rinse the potatoes thoroughly and then put into a large bowl. Pour in 1 tablespoon oil and 1 tablespoon salt. Mix.

Now comes the important part. Add another tablespoon oil and another teaspoon salt and mix, mix, mix with a rubber spatula for 2 minutes until the surface of the potatoes are covered with a thin coating of 'starch'. According to CI, this will cause the potatoes to be crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside which sorta works.

'Sorta' in the sense they are not as crispy as I would have liked BUT they do end up being very, VERY good and tender on the inside...a bit bite of tender and tasty potato. it's a very clever recipe.

Carefully remove the hot baking sheet out of the oven - pour the final bit of oil on the hot pan and roll it around so the surface is coated.

Gently place the potato medallions on the baking sheet (try not to have them touch; they will brown more evenly if they are not touching) and throw in the oven for 15 minutes.

After 15 minutes, turn the pan around and check to see how they are browning. You must NOT turn them until they are super brown on the first side...very important.

After up to 15 more minutes on the first side, flip them over and crisp them for another 10 minutes or so. Put them on a paper-towel lined plate and cover with salt and pepper and serve.

As you can see, instead of a bun, we torn up a freshly baked Parisian-style Baguette with a bit of the brisket, four potato medallions and a big serving of slaw.

Yum! Perfect for the colder days of Fall!

Enjoy!

Kisses!

Mikey Bryan

Your Food Therapist!

Chill, baby, chill...STRESS MOOD FOODS for you, just you and only you...

2009-10-09T09:25:00.034-04:00

Today everyone is go, go, go.

When I was tell people I wrote a cookbook, their eyes glaze over. "A cookbook? Uh, that's nice, Mike."

Even after I tell them it's called FOOD FOR MOOD and it's all about recipes that fit certain moods and the connection between mood and food and how it can improve relationships, I still get blank stares.

We are an emotionally disconnected culture and it's not good.

Particularly from guys in my life. And not just my straight male friends, but the gay dudes as well. A cookbook? They could care less.

Of course, that is until I make it real personal.

Me:

"Yea, okay, you could care less I wrote a cookbook. I see what this is about. You're amazing and your male ego makes you think you know everything."

Buddy:

"It's true, it's true. Thank you for acknowledging my power."

Me:

"You got that direct report meeting with your boss today, right?"

Buddy:

"She hates me. I swear she hates me."

Me:

"You're stressed."

Buddy:

"Hell, no. I'm good."

(After I give him a knowing look...)

Buddy:

"Okay, okay. I'm tense. Whatever."

Me:

"I've got something for that."

Buddy:

"Really?" (long pause) "Is it legal?"

Yea, it's called Stress Foods.

Have a major meeting coming up? Need to chill out and need more help than a 2- minute audio tape on mindfulness meditation?

Too busy last night to cook? Too uninterested? Too tired?

Need to get food fast at the deli counter or store before the meeting? Your assistant about to order and asks you what you want?

Don't order the chicken cutlet sandwich.

Ignore the same old roasted turkey sandwich on toasted whole wheat with lettuce, mustard and roasted red peppers (and baked Lays). Sound familiar?

Here is what you need to eat for STRESS FOOD FOR MOOD:

FISH

I'm not a big fish eater. I know, everyone on the planet is. I'm a meat and potatoes guy. Which confuses the hell out of everyone I meet, being the foodie (hate that word) that I am. But I've changed my tune. I eat loads more fish.

Why?Fish is full of B vitamins. Especially the famous stress fighters of B6 and B12. In fact, B12 creates the "happy" brain chemical serotonin. Get a slab of roasted salmon for lunch. Salmon contains tyrosine, an amino acid that your brain uses to make dopamine and norepinephrine neurochemicals that keep you ALERT for that all-important meeting and kiss-ass session.

Try a tuna salad or sandwich (with light mayo, of course). Grilled mackerel with a side of leafy greens and whole-grain rice. Better yet, add spinach to the meal. You get the B vitamins in the spinach and you spike up the seratonin, dopamine and norepinephrine.

And this is cool - add carrots if you want. Roasted carrots, not the buttery ones. Calories! Loads of preliminary research has shown beta-carotine may help reduce the effects of oxidative stress on the old memory.

But hear me on this - don't down the Starbucks Venti before the meeting. Strong research has shown caffeine is linked to headaches before and after stressful events. The old wives tale it takes away headaches is just that...an old wives tale.

Not a fish guy or gal? I feel your pain.

BEEF

Try some BEEF for lunch. I know, beef has fallen out of favor BUT you need to consider it for your next meal.

Beef chills you out. Seriously. Why? It's got loads of iron, B vitamins and zinc. Like, LOADS. Of course, you must eat LEAN BEEF to avoid the unhealthy saturated fat, which increases your risk of coronary heart disease and other illnesses.

Key words for beef? Look for packages with the words loin or round on them...also, tenderloin is cool, as is top round.

If you get beef for lunch, ask them what kind of cut they make in the meal. A decent place will know and they will tell yo.

A great snack too is cantaloupe and cottage cheese.

Cantaloupe is an amazing source of vitamin C, which is crucial in combating stress. We all know stress deplete vitamin C in the adrenal glands, so you must replenish when you can.

And cottage cheese is a good source of vitamins B2 and B12. Mix it up with the cantaloupe for breakfast or a midday snack will help with your feelings of anxiety...totally not kidding. It works!

A lot of people tell me they don't have time to cook or they don't have the interest. I get that, I do, I tell them. Then I tell them to get a friggin' grip. Seriously.

I agree with Jillian on The Biggest Loser (though she could be a bit nicer, geeze). You feel like crap because you eat crap.

Eat right, feel right.

You eat the right foods, watch what you put into your body and you can live the kind of life at the kind of pace you want.

And despite what some may think, the food is never only about food. That's boring. Food is always about your relationship with yourself and others in your life.

I have done my work for today. Now...got get that grilled salmon before the big meeting and chill, baby, chill...

Your Groovy Food for Mood Gay Dude...

mb

Shaking Jamie

2009-10-02T16:32:00.019-04:00

I love Jamie Oliver.

And it's not just because he's adorable and has a wonderful wife and babies he clearly adores and has a great collection of mostly easy-to-make European-style recipes...

I love the guy because he's lovingly reckless in cooking and would make Martha Stewart so freak out by forcing her to shelf her OCD and just go for it.

Just like the delightful TV series with Jacques Pepin and Julie Childs (Jacques and Julia Cooking At Home), Jamie Oliver cooks with his entire body.

He uses his senses, he lifts pans into the air and tears basil and lettuce, he tosses cheese on fresh pasta and digs into his food -- and it's not done in the annoyingly arrogant style of someone like the pissy Gordon Ramsay...he does it because cooking is a physical act.

He is freeing because he loves the act of cooking. He taught me you work with food and you cook with your senses, not only by what is always printed on a recipe card.

I was watching Jacques and Julia make omelette's the other day and they were shaking pans and rattling dishes and having a grand old time. When people tell me cooking is a bitch, I'm gonna pull them into the kitchen and make them make an omelet the old fashioned way.

It's a blast!

I love the physicality of cooking. And one thing I've always loved is the way Jamie Oliver shakes the shit of this odd looking thing in his hand to mix spices. I always thought, Damn, that looks like fun. If only I had one of those.

Well...now I do.

And you must as well.

Check it out: http://www.flavourshaker.co.uk/

Now this is cool looking.

I don't want to hear anymore about Rachael Ray's EVOO or see Martha hawking her stuff at Macy's or Emeril and his damn watered down and sodium filled spices...this is interactive cookware!

And did I mention it's cool looking?

What exactly is it? It's like a portable, rock and roll mortar and pestle. You know, this old thing:

I mean, look at this clunky thing. Christ - stone age anyone?

The new Jamie Oliver device is dishwasher safe and allows you to shake the shit out of anything and crush and grind and mix up all sorts of spices, garlic cloves and such. It's got a ping-pong sized ball that rolls around on the inside, causing the contents to break down inside.

I crushed lots of pepper and mustard seeds without much effort.

And man, can this make salad dressing.

It's a great, fun device for dressings and for grinding spices. I bought mine for $24.95 on sale and it's worth every penny. Doesn't take up much space and it's a kick to use.

A new, fun kitchen tool from a cook who is not afraid to wing it in the kitchen and HAVE FUN!

Boost Your Mood!

2009-09-30T15:31:00.017-04:00

I'm all about food and mood.

That is my deal and that is the goal of my little blog.

Research and science shows when you eat certain foods you feel certain moods.

It's scientific FACT.

I cook keeping one eye on how nutrition affects the body and the other on how it affects a person's mood. I try to eat at much positive-inducing food and snacks as I can to feel better. And I have to tell you...it works.

I see so many magazines starting to understand the correlation between mood and food. Here is your little tidbit for today.

As I listed in a previous posting, B12 is a great source of what I call a 'feel good' food. How? Well...a lack of B12 can result in loss of appetite, sleep and a steep dive into depression.

To increase B12 in your diet, have low-fat yogurt for breakfast and add a few bits of fresh raspberries or a tablespoon of your favorite low-sugar jam.

Yum!

One serving of 8 ounces of low-fat yogurt with one tablespoon of jam and a handful of berries tops out at a mere 180 calories.

Yes!

I've posted before how a lack of folate-enriched foods in your system can result in an unstable and erratic mood. Raw edamame is very rich in folate. Have a handful as a snack between meals! Only 100 calories per 3/4 cup!

Toss a cup of fresh broccoli on your lunchtime salad and get a double dose of folate!

Yes! Yes!

I posted a long time ago about the rewards of carbs. Yes, we all feel they are evil, but we know they are not! Whole grains have loads of fiber. If we eat carbs with whole grains then we feel full longer and the effects of carbs - that delightful, soothing calm they give us (science has proven this!) - it last much, much longer with whole grains!

Don't get a white bread bagel in the AM - get a whole grain bagel (Starbucks sells them all the time now and so do most delis and bakeries) - add a tablespoon of peanut butter or have with 1/2 cup of low-fat and low-sat cottage cheese and you are only eating 275 calories and getting your daily dose of a carb 'high.'

Yes! Yes! And...

YES!

You are in control of the food you put into your body.

Eat the right foods and you will feel the 'right' moods!

I'm Mikey! And I'm your emotional FOOD THERAPIST!

Amazing Croque Monsieur that won't make your ass bigger than the Eiffel Tower.

2009-09-29T11:03:00.032-04:00

Today's post is dedicated to an absolutely amazing woman,
my dear, darling friend Vicky Kahn.

You have the heart of an angel, my love.

Je t'aime encore plus...

It's all true. The best bread in the world is in Paris.

For those who have been, you know I speak the truth. For those who have not been, you don't know what you're missing.

In New York, there is a chain of cafe's - Le Pain Quotidien. The bread in each of their five or six city stores is the closest to Parisian style bread I've found yet in NYC.

At least twice a week I swing by the local bakery and get a baguette. I shred it up and put it on salads, cut up and make homemade croutons or simply tear off a piece and add a piece cheese with wine and grapes. Ah...it instantly transports me to Paris.

It's no secret one of the most popular quick meals in Paris is the famed croque monsieur. There are many version of the 100-year old recipe.

A croque monsieur served with a fried egg or poached egg on top is known as a croque-madame (or croque cheval). A version of this sandwich in Spain replaces the ham with sobrassada, a soft sausage from the Balearic Islands that can be easily spread.

Here are a few other variations:

* croque provençal (with tomato)
* croque auvergnat (with bleu d'Auvergne cheese)
* croque gagnet (with gouda cheese and andouille sausage)
* croque norvégien (with smoked salmon instead of ham)
* croque tartiflette (with sliced potatoes and Reblochon cheese)
* croque bolognese (with Bolognese sauce)
* croque señor (with tomato salsa)
* Croque McDo sandwich at McDonald's locations in France

As you can see, the variations are the sandwich are many and endless. While in Paris, we ate one nearly every other day and the results were always sublime.

So why don't I make this more and why shouldn't you?

Because most of the recipes are chocked full of fat and calories AND I always refused to make this without the benefit of Parisian bread. But the other day I realized such thinking is very dull.

Why not make croque monsieur at home?

Right?

RIGHT!

My goal was to make one with half as much fat and calories as most of the original recipes using (mostly) ingredients you can get at the supermarket and making it on the cheap.

I read a number of recipes but the smartest one (shock, shock) was from Cooks Country for a 30 minute recipe. Despite the fact they are super anal retentive and have the unique New England ability to take the fun out of cooking, they are OCD in the kitchen and most of the time their audacious claim of only publishing 'recipes that work' is pretty spot on.

But like most of their recipes (and others) the end result was simply too rich and gooey for most people's taste.

Here is my slimmed down and very tasty version. Talk about a perfect meal on a chilly Autumn day...

SAVORY HOMEMADE CROQUE MONSIEUR
WITH FRESH GARDEN GREENS

Let's cook!!

This meal serves four. The sandwiches are so rich, simply cut them in half and serve them with a nice side salad of homemade croutons, freshly shaved Gruyère cheese and a light sprinkling of pure, fresh balsamic vinegar. We eat too much in America, so eating a full sandwich is (say it with me) over eating!

Start to finish is 25 minutes.

What you'll need:

1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1 tablespoon flour
1/2 cup 1% milk
Pepper and salt
1 1/2 cups shredded Gruyère cheese, or Swiss cheese, commonly listed as Emmental cheese*
4 slices of Country Wheat bread (Arnold makes a great one), or any other tender wheat bread
3 tablespoons Dijon mustard, no you can't use yellow mustard you silly American
8 ounces thinly sliced sliced Ham*

*Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT be a schmuck and substitute any other cheese. To do so would be to insult to the entire French culture and every single meal ever created on this planet. And I will hunt you down if you make any substitutions. Hunt. You. Down.

**Use a cheap ham, you'll have a cheap tasting sandwich. If this sandwich is all about the cheese and the ham, then it makes sense you need to be very picky about both, right? Right. I used Niman Ranch's Jambon Royale ham for this. An extremely tender and mouth-watering ham which was the perfect blend of spices and salt and flavor. Here is their website: http://www.nimanranch.com/index.aspx. Try to find them. Amazing.

Let's cook!In a medium sauce pan, heat your little pat of butter over medium heat until it's melted and bubbling lightly. Whisk in the flour. Cook for a minute. It will be very gloopy. This is good, this is what you want. Cook for no more than a minute.

SLOWLY pour in your milk, just a bit at a time, stirring like a mad fiend. The gloop of butter and flour will soak it up like a sponge for the first bit, but as you pour it in it will turn more into a creamy sauce.

Cook the sauce for a scant 3 minutes until it's a bit thick, then take off the flame and add 1/4 cup shredded cheese, and salt and loads of pepper to taste. Put aside and cover.

Heat up your broiler. Make sure the rack is 4 inches from the flame.

Place two slices of bread on the counter. Spread your Dijon mustard evenly on the bread, then top with ham, followed by 3 tablespoons of the flour/butter/cheese mixture on EACH sandwich, followed by 1/2 cup of the cheese over both sandwiches. Top with the remaining bread.

Heat up a 12-inch non-stick oven-proof skillet over a medium flame. Spray with butter flavored Pam (hey, we gotta cut the calories somewhere). When it is hot (about 1 minute), place each sandwich gently in the skillet, making sure they are not touching so they brown properly.

After a minute or two, check to make sure they are not browning too much.

Remove the skillet from the stove and spray the tops of the sandwich (away from the flame!) with the Pam butter spray and then flip them and cook 2 more minutes.

Turn the flame off. Now, gently spread the flour/butter/cheese mixture over the TOPS of the sandwiches, and gently layer the rest of the shredded cheese over the sandwich and put in the broiler (skillet and all) for 2 minutes, checking constantly.

If you prefer, you can remove the sandwiches and put on a foil-lined broiler pan - I use the skillet to cut down on dishes.

USING AN OVEN MIT (the handle is hot, hot, hot) remove the skillet from the broiler when the to is slightly brown. You don't want to overly crisp the sandwich.

Set aside to cool. Cut each sandwich in halves and serve each half as on portion. ONE PORTION, AMERICA.

Serve with a nice large, side salad of torn baguette and freshly ground pepper and cheese.

Bonne et longue vie fructueuse... aimez vous pour qui vous etes vraiment et mangez beaucoup de pain !

bon appetit mes cheris!

B12 - The FOOD Vitamin That Could...

2009-09-25T10:51:00.024-04:00

Have you seen the ads out there for this brand of vitamins called Stresstabs?

They go under other names as well - Super Heart and Stress and Mood Pills...all by different manufacturers. I saw TWO commercials for such pills early this morning on CNN as I was sweating my ass off hitting the 60 minute mark on my third cardio machine (sweating at the gym on a Friday is a rather unpleasant site).

I bring this up because one of the ideas for The Food Therapist TV show is to discuss how certain foods, when eaten, cause certain chemical reactions in the body which changes our MOODS.

I like this part of the show but not at the expense of first emphasizing people must deal with their emotional issues first, in therapy, before supplementing such work with foods causing certain chemical reactions in the body AND, possibly, medication.

Let me be very clear - I'm not a therapist, I've never been a therapist, I have no desire (as of yet) to go to school to become a therapist BUT...I am surrounded by therapists. My father was a therapist, my sister is one, so is my hubby and his best friend as well as four of our closets friends.

I've always said my childhood was odd. But mine really was out there. When other kids were going to Star Wars and Alien, I was home reading Carl Jung's, Man And His Symbols and Desmond Morris's The Naked Ape.

Enough said.

So I am very well versed in how the human psyche works. I get people and I see the real reason behind most people's behavior. It's rare I can't figure out what is really the case when people get wacko or overly reactionary, hence the reason for most of my life I'm always the one who manages people and helps out. It's what I do all day at my current job, and what the cooking show, The Food Therapist, will be about.

For years, I've said taking pills for anxiety or depression of any other various mental illness was the easy way out. I've said the way to find balance in life is to face your emotional demons and either embrace them or wrestle them to the ground. Any other system is false and cowardly.

I've changed my mind. Let's just say, I've become enlightened. Some people must take meds to get past terrible humps in their life. I see the error of my judgement and agree some people in extreme cases must take pills to get by.

HOWEVER...I do think the first and best line of defense is intensive therapy and then other methods to help someone's mood.

Which brings me to The Food Therapist TV show...

One of the healthiest ways to increase mood is to look at how certain foods we eat affect certain moods we may have. Part of the show will be doing just that. And one of the biggest trends I'm seeing right now is the news on how B12 can have tremendous effects on a person's mood.

Here is partial list of how a deficiency of B12 can make you feel, both physically and emotionally:

* Chronic fatigue - macrocytic / megaloblastic anemia
* Unexplained numbness or tingling of arms or legs
* Anxiety and irritability
* Depression
* Digestive problems like a sore tongue, loss of appetite, and constipation
* Poor hair

And those are just a few. The research clearly shows a deficiency in this vitamin can be disastrous to a persons emotional and physical well being.

These new lines of vitamins on the market have a large amount of B12 in them. They are designed to fill in the gaps you may have in terms of a B12 deficiency.

But this is my argument and this is one component of the show - why take a supplement to reap the benefits of this super vitamin when all you need to do is change your diet just a bit and then have this in your body in it's purest and strongest source?

It's very well known many cereals now contain B12 and are common. While that is one source, it is not one of the cleanest and as we all know, cereal has tons of sugar and shit in it. Not a good option.

The daily recommended allowance of B12 adults 19 years and old need is 2.4 mcg per day.

The natural source for foods high in vitamin B12 is meat, fish, diary products, cheese, eggs, specifically:

The following is based on a 3 ounce serving

Mollusks or clams (84.1 mcg per serving)
Liver, beef, barised (47.9 mcg)
Fortified breakfast cereal (6.0 mcg)
Wild Salmon (3.0 mcg)
Beef, top sirloin, lean (4.5 mcg)
Yogurt (1.4 mcg)
Haddock (1.2 mcg)

Turkey, cheese, chicken and eggs do NOT have very quantities of B12 in them to the point where you'd have to eat at least 2-3 portions per day to get the allowance your body needs.

For vegetarians, the issue becomes a bit thorny.

I found a great answer on Yahoo Answers on B12 in terms of a vegetarian diet. It said:

"B12 is made by bacteria and fungi, but not by yeasts or higher plants. Friendly bacteria resides in large quantities in the gastrointestinal tract of animals and humans. Since the manufacturing site of B12 in humans is not located where absorption occurs, humans can not rely on its availability.

The total vegetarian must find vitamin B12 from other reliable sources. For the lacto-ovo-vegetarian, reliable sources would include dairy products and eggs which can supply substantial amounts of B12. For example, one cup of milk contains 0.9 micrograms of vitamin B12 while 8 ounces of yogurt has 1.5 micrograms. Sterilized, boiled, or canned milk destroys about one-half of the vitamin B12.

Since most of the vitamin B12 resides within the cholesterol-laden yolk, it would be better for the lacto-ovo-vegetarian to rely on low-fat dairy products for their source of B12. Vegetarians who use a B12 supplement should ensure that it contains an active form of the vitamin-namely, cyanocobalamin or hydroxocobalamin.

Fermented soy products, such as miso and tempeh, shiitake (dried mushrooms) and algae such as spirulina and nori contain practically no vitamin B12. While these foods are often sold in health food stores as "excellent souces of B12" and are widely used by the macrobiotic community, they actually contain little, if any active B12 (cobalamin). Instead they contain analogs of B12 that are not active and may actually block the absoprtion of true vitamin B12."

There was a widely published article in the New England Journal of Medicine 2 years ago. It detailed how those who adopted a strict vegan diet for 13 years or more showed eyesight loss and tested below normal blood levels of thiamin, vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin D, vitamin E, zinc, selenium and vitamin B12.

The patient was given large doses of vitamins that quickly raised his blood vitamin levels. However, the damage to his eyesight was permanent.

Vitamin B12 is one vitamin that vegetarians should be very aware of, since the long term damage from vitamin B12 deficiency may not be reversible.

For vegans this is important nutritional breakdowns:

Fortified breakfast cereals, (100%) fortified), ¾ cup 6.0
Fortified breakfast cereals (25% fortified), ¾ cup 1.5 25
Yogurt, plain, skim, with 13 grams protein per cup, 1 cup 1.4
Milk, 1 cup 0.9 15
Egg, whole, hard boiled, 1 0.6
American pasteurized cheese food, 1 ounces 0.3

In the coming weeks, part of the focus of the blog will be to insert nutritional data in the meals and I will be focusing on B12 and how eating it is essential for our emotional well-being.

Until the next super-duper B12 recipe, this is Mikey Bryan, Your Food Therapist, signing off...

Now what the hell can I make with calves liver...

Biopolar Weeknight Jambalaya!

2009-09-24T15:24:00.042-04:00

Ah, my mother.

The 2 year anniversary of her death was the other day. I told myself it would be appropriate on the night after her death anniversary to make something with a kick. My mom was always full of spit and fire (and it wasn't just the Valium talking). She was feisty.

I didn't know what to make, then it hit me -- Andy told me a few nights ago he wanted shrimp for dinner. My first reaction was, "ew".

I know, I know, I know.

Here I am, a home cook on the cusp of pitching his own cooking show the Food Network and I am freely admitting I don't like seafood.

SO SHOOT ME.

I was raised by Midwestern parents. My Mom and Dad are both from Idaho and Montana. They both knew each other as kids growing up in the same town. Up until 2 years ago when my mother died, they had been married 64 years.

Normal Rockwell! Calling Norman Rockwell!

Yea, sure, my childhood was real Normal Rockwell. If Mr. Rockwell had painted portraits of women who were biopolar manic depressives who secretly drank scotch in the dry pantry of their country home then it would be have been just like a scene from my childhood.

Is this getting depressing?

Forgive me, but I'm reading Carrie Fishers new memoir Wishful Drinking (is that a great title, or what?) and it has me both howling and cringing at how similar her battle with mental illness is to the ones certain members of my family cope still cope with.

I'm obsessed with the book and movie Postcards From The Edge. It all makes sense. Sure, it's a great book and very good movie, but it's no Citizen Kane. So why am I so obsessed with it?

I'm obsessed with it because I am consumed with mother angst and will devour anything mother/daughter or son/mother related. I am ashamed to type this, but I take perverse solace knowing Carrie Fisher had to get electro-shock therapy to exorcise her mother. I realize that's not really funny but I have a sneaking suspicion if I were having a cocktail with Ms. Fisher she would find it very amusing and probably knowingly cackle along with me as we shared mother horror stories. What other choice do we have?

My mom (and her Mom) were mentally unstable for years. I grew up around lots of wacky behavior so I get mental illness. I also get how one can develop a lacerating in the face of such misery. It's what made me the man I am today. No matter how awful things become or how dark the days are, I can see the irony in anything.

So don't think it doesn't escape me the smell of fish and the feel of fish just makes me ill. I am about to pitch a cooking show to the biggest food TV network in America and I swear I'll yak if they serve scallops or (God help me) octopus or (deliver me Lord) calamari at the meeting.

I'm a wreck.

But I think a lot of American's feel this way. Look - here is the upside of my aversion of slimy food that smells like the inside of my jock after a 2 hour spin class or has eyes that are glassy and look like they're judging me, I can tell they're judging me...if I can make a meal and use seafood in it and actually like it, then I can assure other seafood-phobic American's (and Europeans - god the BEEF they eat in Prague is unreal), they'll LOVE it.

I got high standards when it comes to good tasting seafood. Like, give me three glasses of wine beforehand and a side of corned beef hash, if you don't mind.

And last night, I made my own version of Jambalaya and let me tell you - the shrimp was good. I know! Sure, it had sausage and ham in it, but the shrimp stood out as the star of the show and it mixed perfectly with the rest of the dish.

I was shocked.

So, without further ado, may I present:

Biopolar Spicy Weeknight Turkey Andouille Sausage,
Cajun Tasso Ham and Wild Maine Shrimp Jambalaya
with Cayenne, Red and Yellow Pepper Rice

Now THAT'S a recipe title.

I read a lot of recipes before I did my own version. My starting point was my spiritual mentor, the wonderful Mr. James Beard (I love you James - you better have a tender beef brisket and boiled potatoes with sweet cream ready for me when we meet in the afterlife).

Mr. Beard wrote a book given to me by a jerk of a former friend, Angela F. (I'll try to be polite and not type out her last name, but she was mean, really mean, she dumped me as a friend a year ago, no call, no email, what is that about?, but ironically, she introduced me to James Beard so GO FIGURE)...the book he wrote is a little paperback:

Fish Cookery. Isn't that a great title? It's a small little book with the most practical and useful advice you can imagine. In my mind, if there is one person who can give me a fish recipe I'd like, it would be my spiritual mentor, Mr. Beard. And he gave me a perfect starting point.

Mr. Beard was famously called, by Julia Child, un serieux, or, someone serious about cooking. And he was.

He was practical, down-to-earth and serious about his food. But he was also very funny. The writing in his books, particularly Beard on Bread, is smart, funny and slightly odd.

He was very much an actor and performer, so he and I have much in common. He deserves more of a place in American cooking. Tell Martha to share the spotlight. God, now she's a ham!

Beard recommended sausage and the shrimp, as the other ten recipes I read recommended, but his was the only one which recommended butter instead of oil and which recommended ham instead of chicken or other meats.

Most older Jambalaya recipes require cooking in separate pots and not combined into one. Very tedious. I mixed and matched and came up with this.

Note: a few people have wrinkled their nose when I mentioned I put in tomatoes. They said authentic Jambalaya doesn't have tomatoes, but the canned tomatoes, drained, were a very nice addition, so I recommend using them.

To cut down on fat I used half butter and then olive oil. Butter has gone out of style with cooking nowadays. All anyone says is olive oil, olive oil, olive oil. But if you use only one tablespoon of butter and add a bit of oil, you get a truly rich flavor to the dish which, when spread over many servings, is a small amount of calories.

This dish can be heavy, so I cut down on the calories and fat by using turkey sausage, less oil, less chicken broth and used the hot sauce sparingly to cut down on sodium and added loads of veggies to give it super taste.

This dish heats up very well and will last up to 2 full days after cooking. After that, the rice may become soggy. NOT for freezing. God, I'm yelling. I sound like Martha. Shoot me.

Let's cook!

Prep time: 20 minutes (10 minutes for speedy home cooks)

Cook time: 25 minutes

Serving size: 6 nice sized portion bowls of steamy, spicy Jambalaya

Note: If you have a food processor, throw in the veggies (the first four ingredients) and pulse 5-6 times. Will save you cutting time.

What you'll need:

3 medium yellow onions, chopped fine
1 yellow pepper, chopped fine
1 red pepper, chopped fine
8 cloves garlic, chopped fine
1 tablespoon butter
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, divided
2 tablespoons unbleached white flour
10 ounces spicy turkey sausage OR low-fat Andouille sausage*, cut up into bite size pieces
1/2 pound smoked Tasso ham**, cut into thin strips
1 1/2 cups long grain white rice, rinsed thoroughly for 2 minutes under cold water***
1 teaspoon Kosher salt
1 tablespoon dried basil
1 tablespoon dried French thyme
1 tablespoon cayenne pepper
1 can UN-SALTED canned tomatoes, drained entirely
1 1/2 cup no-salt canned chicken broth
1 cup cold water
4 bay leaves
1 pound fresh (or frozen) shrimp, cleaned and shelled
2-5 teaspoons Franks Extra-hot Cajun Sauce, plus more at serving

*Andouille is French in origin. The recipe was brought to the New World by the French colonists of Louisiana. Andouille is made of butt or shank meat and fat, seasoned with salt, cracked black pepper, and garlic, and smoked over pecan wood and sugar cane for up to seven or eight hours. There are many excellent vegetarian AND turkey Andouille sausage on the market. It's all pre-cooked meat, so I suggest you have a taste of it before you throw it into the pot so you know how hot it is. They all vary greatly.

**There is a lovely girl, Amy, who works in the Murray's Pork Store in Grand Central. I told her I wanted a great, full-body ham with a kick at the end and she gave me a taste of Tasso ham. It was perfect. It's a specialty of Cajun cuisine. It is a spicy, peppery version of smoked pork made from the shoulder butt. The meat is cured briefly, only three or four hours, then rinsed, rubbed with a spice mixture containing Cayenne pepper and garlic, and hot-smoked until cooked through. As Mr. Beard notes, "...evidently, any old smoked meat was considered jambon in the old day [for Jambalaya]".

***A few reasons why you must rinse rice - the most logical is bagged rice can be dirty and you can remove hard grains easily when clean - also, it removes some starch when you rinse and results in a fluffier and drier rice.

Let's cook!It's imperative you prep the vegetables before cooking. It will result in a much more streamlined process.

You also must cut up your meats and have those ready as well. The shrimp must go in at the end of the meal or else you will overcook it.

Get out a large Dutch-oven. Heat up the butter and 1 tablespoon of oil until the butter stop foaming. Throw in the 2 tablespoons of flour and mix it in and cook it for 30 seconds.

Throw in the diced Andouille sausage and the ham. Make sure the butter, oil and flour coat the meat. Cook over a medium flame until the fat on the ham is rendered and the meats are nicely brown.

With a slotted spoon, remove the meats and put on a plate (do not line with a paper towel - you want those meat juices!).

Now, throw in your veggies with the remaining tablespoon olive oil. Mix so the veggies are covered in the fat (haha...so gross) and cook until the onions are translucent.

Now add rice and mix up so the rice is covered with some of the oil. Turn the flame up to medium-high and cook for a few minutes, mixing as you do. You want to cook the rice a bit and give it a slight brown.

Put in your drained tomatoes (MUST be drained or it's too soupy and tastes all tomato), the chicken broth, the water and the dried herbs. Bring to a boil. Cover for 20 minutes, checking once and mixing from the bottom up - the rice can stick to the bottom of the pan.

You need to be careful at this point. You don't want to overcook so the rice is soggy. TASTE the meal. See what the consistency of the rice is. See how spicy it is. Add Frank's Extra Hot Cajun bottled sauce accordingly, as well as salt and pepper.

When the rice has a bit of give to it, rinse and triple check the shrimp for shells or tails.

Then gently place the shells on the top of the rice, cover and cook 5-7 minutes NO MORE.

Take off the flame, mix in the shrimp and serve, passing the hot sauce.

Last night I wished I had a crusty Italian bread with this. Would have been PERFECT.

There you go! Great weeknight Jambalaya in under 45 minutes with much less fat and calories than most!

Enjoy my darlings!

Mikey Bryan
Your Food Therapist

This painting is by Grandma Moses, a very famous American painter. She painted this when she was well into her 90's. I've always liked it. Reminds me of where I grew up.

I imagined, last night, I was cooking the Jambalaya in a kitchen in a house like this. I didn't have the radio or the TV on. The windows were open and the breeze last night was warm and humid.

I imagined it was a brisk fall day and Mr. Beard was sitting at the table with me, in quiet, eating the meal, the only sound, perhaps, of a wind outside and the gentle ting, ting, ting of our spoons as they met with the edge of our bowls and ascended to our mouths, a look of great surprise and amusement on his face as we enjoyed our meal together, both wondering what we'd make for dessert.

I'm Tired, Hungry and Want My BBQ!

2009-09-22T09:07:00.031-04:00

People think I'm insane in the kitchen. Why?

Not because I make homemade pasta, or create Bolognese Sauce from scratch (and only from Marcella Hazan's recipe, thank you), or love to create samosas (see my last post) or like to meal plan and cook 5-6 nights a week for me and my husband. No, that's not the reason.

The reason they think I'm insane is because I don't mind spending 2 hours a night in the kitchen cooking and experimenting after getting up at 5:30AM to to go the gym and then work my day job and then run home and then cook and clean and get up and do it all over again.

The other night? I had to agree with them.

I was this close to losing my mind.

If I had to pick up one more package of chicken and make sure it didn't smell like ass or check one more package of broccoli from the disgusting Key Food by my house for yellow mold or ask the mean man at my local cheese shop for a taste of the newest German cheese and put up with his scowl on his face when it's people like ME that put food on HIS table, I was going to lose my mind and throw a block of parmesan-reggiano at him.

Sorry, but my compassion went out the door the other night, but I refused to order greasy take-out. I love take-out like anyone, but there is so much shit in the best take-out, I just couldn't do it.

So in a flurry of emotion and wine-induced frustration, I made the fastest BBQ Chicken and Tangy Buttermilk Coleslaw sandwich I've ever had and let me tell you - the shit not only rocked, but it was cheap and took me 20 minutes to make.

20 minutes. Oh, yea. I can live with that.

Like a lot of fast meals, this uses pre-packaged sauce and bagged coleslaw, but such is the deal with the fast meals. Most fast meals I've made taste like ass. No flavor and just full of thick, gooey sauce to hide the fact there is nothing there to start with.

This one is for all of the people out there who tell me they want fast, fast, fast meals during the week. I think we rush way too much in this society, but you know what? The world is a much faster place now. We have kids, jobs, school - we don't always have time or energy on a Tuesday night to spend an hour in the kitchen.

My biggest complaint with meals 30 minutes or less is that they often taste awful, are boring and are chocked full of fat and calories. The LAST THING WE NEED IN AMERICA IS TO EAT MORE FAT AND CALORIES. Eating fat and calories when you are short on time is NO EXCUSE.

I agree with Bob and Jillian on Biggest Loser. NO MORE EXCUSES. You can eat fast but stop the madness! Have you seen some people asses lately? Christ. Put the fried food down! Stop with calories.

Enough is enough.

So here is my version of...

LEAN AND MEAN 20 MINUTE SAVORY BBQ CHICKEN SANDWICHES
with
CREAMY LOW-FAT BUTTERMILK COLESLAW

Let's cook!

Prep time: 5 minutes

Cooking time: 15 minutes

Serves 4 and can easily be doubled.

What you'll need:

CHICKEN SANDWICHES:

2 teaspoons extra virgin olive oil, divided
1 large yellow onion, chopped fine
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon extra hot chili powder
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 teaspoons extra virgin olive oil
4 large chicken breasts OR one large 3-4 pound rotisserie chicken (BBQ seasoning, if you can find it)
1/2 cup pre-made BBQ sauce*
1/2 cup water
3/4 cup cider vinegar
1 teaspoon light brown sugar

*Hands down, the best of the best in the supermarket of bottles BBQ is BULLSEYE. All else are pale and suck my ass.

BUTTERMILK COLESLAW

1 bag of Dole brand pre-made coleslaw mix
2 teaspoons salt
1/4 cup low-fat mayonnaise
1/2 cup low-fat buttermilk
1/4 cup cider vinegar
4 teaspoons pickled relish
Loads of fresh pepper and salt to taste

Pre-packaged pickles - A MUST to serve on the side

Let's cook!

If you use a rotisserie chicken, shred the sucker up and put the meat in a bowl.

For the coleslaw, put the entire bag of pre-packaged coleslaw in a big bowl and toss with the teaspoon of salt and let it sit, at room temperature, as you cook the chicken. The process of the coleslaw sitting with the salt extracts moisture from the slaw and results in a crispier slaw. Sloppy, non-crunchy slaw is truly foul.

If you are using chicken breast, I like to cut big ones in half so they cook a bit faster. Pat dry. Why pat dry? Because it causes any seasoning you put on it to stick, which is key. To get flavor in the meat, you need to season pretty liberally. So pat the flesh dry (ew), salt and pepper both side and put aside.

Throw into the pan 1 tablespoon olive oil into a large, non-stick pan; add the onion with a dash of salt (why salt? extracts the water faster out of the onion)...

(side bar - the other day I passed a cooking store and I saw this on an apron in the window and I nearly pissed myself laughing because it's TRUE):Cook the onion for 4 minutes or so...don't brown!

As the onion cook, put all of your spices in a small bowl and put near the stove.

After the 4 minute or so mark, toss the spices into the pan. Cook them 30 seconds with the onions. Tasty!

Put the last tablespoon of olive oil in the pan. Throw in the chicken breasts and brown for 1-2 minutes on each side.

Now comes the part I loathe but it's the only way to make this cook in time (I'm very old-fashioned...I think one should use homemade sauces, but in this case, I'll make an exception).

Pour the bottled BBQ sauce, the water and the cider in the pan and bring to a boil. Turn to a simmer, cover and cook until the breasts are done, about 8 minutes.

If you are using rotisserie chicken, add the chicken 4 minutes after you have reduced the boiling sauce to a simmer. Since the chicken is cooked you don't want to overcook it as you want it to absorb the flavor.

Remove the chicken and put on a cutting board (or remove the rotisserie with a slotted spoon) and let the sauce simmer for a few more minutes until it becomes thick. Pour into a side bowl and reserve.

Brush your four whole wheat (or multi grain hamburger buns) with a 1 teaspoon of olive oil and broil (or toast) until a light brown.

When the chicken is cool, shred by using two forks to pull the meat apart and put aside.

Toss the crispy slaw with the mayo, the buttermilk, the vinegar and the pickled relish. Salt and pepper to taste.

Top 1/4 of the chicken mixture on each bun. Serve with a big heaping side of coleslaw and a pickle or two.

Pass the reserved sauce around and let everyone decide who much they sauce they'd prefer to put on their meat. Why does that sound nasty?

That's it! A sure fire hit. Lots of taste, lower calorie by cutting the BBQ Sauce with water and tart vinegar...and who doesn't love BBQ with tart coleslaw?

Yum!Love,

Mikey Bryan

Your Food Therapist!

Kill(ing) Samosas

2009-09-13T12:18:00.065-04:00

I have no idea what I was thinking. My intentions were good.

I wanted to make an Indian feast for my hubby as a surprise. I was going to make vegetarian Baingan Bhartha served with a side of authentic Basamati Onion Rice, and for the appetizer, homemade Spicy Baked Potato Samosas.

All in under an hour.

I came this close to passing out.

At the end of the meal, there was flour in my hair, mashed potato on the floor, exploded eggplant in the microwave and enough curry floating in the air to make the entire Indian community in nearby Jamaica, New York salivate for the next three years.

Here is the big lesson - SAMOSAS ARE NOT EASY. BUT...even after I made them, I didn't feel discouraged. They were so good they were worth the challenge. And the process of making them is very fun.

I read a number of recipes on the web before I created mine. The biggest time saving trick was using frozen pizza dough versus homemade dough. I'm sorry, but that's gross. If there is one thing I've learned from years of cooking, is if there is an interesting recipe to be made, it's worth making it right.

Cooking is a joy, not a labor.

There is never, ever a substitute for homemade dough. And there is no excuse not to make it, since it's easy and the taste is unparalleled. How could a cook not want to make dough? The only reason is because they are impatient and wish to rush through the meal and get onto the next (Rachael Ray anyone?).

Samosas are amazing. Layers of taste, a wonderful bite to the curry and peas and potatoes, a tender, flaky crust and, as everyone who has eaten these knows, a marriage made in culinary heaven.

And the good part for my belly was that these have 75% less fat then deep-fried samosas and taste JUST as good!

I've never been skinny. I have tried for years to be as skinny, but it's never happened. I eat less, I run, run, run on the treadmill, I don't eat snacks or drink wine after a certain hour, but I still have this little tummy. My husband loves it, but my ego wants to be thinner.

One part of me knows being really thin and having people tell me I look good and skinny is my ego talking and I need to tell it to chill...but then their is another part of me who wants people to tell me I look good and say the immortal words, "Have you lost weight?!"

It's exhausting.

When our health is at risk, clearly, that is the time for dieting and exercise. I'm 15 pound overweight and need to get it off. But dear God, it's a pain in the ass.

Which brings me to the Samosas.

They are all potato and flour.

The recipe I'm going to give you makes 12. Most recipes make 24. But let's be very blunt, shall we? More than 2 or 3 of these is fattening, so you need to enjoy the 2 or 3 you have with a low-calorie meal. That is exactly what I did and it's what you must do to stay healthy but also enjoy your food.

LET'S COOK!!

What you'll need for the dough:

1 cups unbleached all-purpose King Arthur flour, plus some to dust work surface
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons canola oil
2 tablespoon plain yogurt, full fat or low-fat is fine - you can also use low-fat buttermilk
3 tablespoon cold water

What you'll need for the filling:

SPICES:

1 teaspoon fennel seeds
1 teaspoon cumin seeds
1 teaspoon black or brown mustard seeds
1/4 teaspoon ground fenugreek
1/4 teaspoon ground tumeric
1/4 teaspoon hot red pepper flakes
1/4 teaspoon ground coriander
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper

POTATO FILLING:

1 pound russet potatoes (2 medium is fine), peeled and cut into equal sized cubes
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 large yellow onion, diced small
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
2 garlic cloves, diced small
1 teaspoon diced fresh ginger, or 1/2 teaspoon ground
1/2 cup frozen peas
1 tablespoon lemon juice

It's important you get 'seed' seasoning for the filling. They impart a truly authentic taste to the dish which is nearly impossible to duplicate. Trust me - you want to use these ingredients.

LET'S COOK!

First thing is first - cook the potatoes. Get out a big pot, add the peeled and diced potatoes and cover with COLD water. Why cold? Because starting with cold results in more even cooking with the potatoes.

It's true! I don't make this shit up.

Get the water to a roiling boil over medium-high heat, then reduce and simmer potatoes until fork tender - about 13 minutes. If you can press the tines of a fork into the potato, it's done!

While the potatoes cook, measure our your spices and put into a small bowl and set nearby. Put the bit of butter on top of the spices in the side bowl.

Cut up your onion, put in a side bowl.

Cut up your garlic and ginger, put in a side bowl.

You want to DRAIN THE POTATOES BUT DON'T RINSE THEM before you proceed.

Drain the potatoes, put in a bowl.

Now heat the oil in a large, 12-inch non-stick skillet over medium-heat for 1 minute.

Throw in the spices. Cook 1 minute.

Yummmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Throw in the onion with a dash of salt. Cook, cook, cook for 5 or 6 minutes. Try not to brown the onion.

Add the garlic and ginger; cook 2 minutes.

Now throw in those damn potatoes and cook them slowly until they start to brown. Most recipes I read said it takes 5 minutes. Yea, whatever. It took me, like, 20 to get them to show a nice caramel color. You want this for a tasty filling, so don't rush this. Cook until they are nicely browned.

Stir in your peas.

You did it!

You made Samosa filling!!

Now comes the totally annoying part (but it's worth it).

Cover the potatoes up and put in the fridge to cool at least 1 hour. If you can make the potatoes up to 2 days before you actually assemble them you will be SO much happier. Some sort of bizarre alchemy occurs when potatoes sit in the fridge for a few days. They become very very tasty.

Don't argue with me on this. I'm right. I'm Irish. I can cook potatoes in my sleep.

The next day, you are ready to assemble the Samosas

Let's cook!

For the dough -- mix the flour and the salt together in a large bowl. Drizzle in the oil. Either by hand or with six or seven pulses on a food processor, mix the flour/salt combo with the oil until it is a coarse cornmeal.

Now, add the yogurt or the buttermilk and mix until it's combined.

Working slowly, add one tablespoon at a time (max of 3) of COLD water (very important - must be cold) with the mixture until it comes together into a slightly moist large ball.

By hand, it takes about ten minutes. By food processor, keep the motor running with the flour mixture inside and add one tablespoon at a time to the funnel until it all comes together.

Now flatten out the dough into a round disc (like a giant hockey puck), wrap in plastic and refrigerate for one hour at least. I know, annoying, but it's WORTH IT.

After at least one hour, take out the potatoes and the dough. Put the potatoes aside.

Heat the oven to 425 degrees.

Spray a rimmed jelly-roll baking sheet with Pam Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil spray and put aside.

Here is what you do - you separate the dough into six equal pieces.

Clear a space so you can roll out the dough. Flour your work surface and a rolling pin and roll out each piece of dough to FIVE INCHES WIDE.

It's very important you roll it out to five inches - why? Because you need it big enough to fit in all the potatoes!

Once you've rolled them out into five inch circles, cut them down the center so you a half-moon sided piece.

Now - wet the CUT SIDE OF THE HALF-MOON with a tiny bit of water from a wet fingertip.

Fold the dough over the other and crimp the edges of the dough so you make a small POCKET.

Handle the dough carefully since it will be a bit fragile. Now, fill with 1-2 tablespoons of the potato filling and fold over the top, wetting as you do and crimping the dough. Make sure all of the filling is inside and none is poking out.

Do this for the 12 pieces. This part makes me very happy.

Don't give up! You're almost there!

Now, most people fry them at this point. I'm trying to LOSE my belly, not gain more of it, so I refuse to fry them.

And to make these taste you really DON'T need to fry the suckers. Christ, their fattening enough!

Put them on the jelly-roll sheet, spray with a bit of the Pam spray, toss into the oven and cook for 15 minutes, turning once as you do to make sure they are not browning too quickly.

I served this with a rather bland Baingan Bhartha with microwaved eggplant I have yet to perfect. Once I figure that recipe out, I'll post it on this blog.

There endless possibilities with this meal. Whatever you decide to pair this with, make sure you always, always, ALWAYS hand out Major Grey Mango Chutney! It is a heavenly combination.

Heavenly.

Until next time!

Bon appetit!

Clint Eastwood Will Bitch Slap That Dry Pepper

2009-09-08T16:52:00.040-04:00

This is the kind of meal I imagine Clint Eastwood would eat. You ever really looked at Clint's body? The man is diesel. He's 118 and has the body of a 50 year old guy on steroids. His arms and chest are amazing...I don't have a thing for the guy, but he's in great shape and is one hell of a good director, so he's aces in my book.

This is the kind of meal he'd eat. It's full of flavor, got some fun, sorta obscure chili's in it and low on calories and fat. I've said it before and I'll say it again - homemade Mexican food is great for you. You don't need piles of fat or cheese to make it taste great - you just need the right peppers and the right cheese (used sparingly) to have a great restaurant-quality home cooked meal.

A word on dried peppers - most home cooks don't use them. They seem to think they're weird and foreign. The truth is they're cheap and amazingly tasty. Once a home cook uses them they never, ever go back. But they are weird and they are new, so unless you don't know what to do with them, you'll get confused as all hell.

I've read countless books and blogs who tell you what to do with them. I have to be honest -- I can't follow most of them. It's true - the sublime (and very cute) Rick Bayless, the American king of Mexican food, is the dude to listen to. He's totally cute. He's so chill and has a healthy body weight (that tells you something - he doesn't cook with cheese and oil).

He uses fresh ingredients so his sauces taste like nothing you've ever had. Layers upon layers of taste and flavor. And all this mostly because he uses dried peppers.

I made a sauce the other day which was a combination of peppers. Guajillo and Ancho.

Guajillo's are one of the most common dried Spanish chili's on the market. You can find them in many, many stores. They are very mild and carry very little heat, but they add a sweet complexity to sauces which is hard to match. Ancho chili's are simply Poblano chili's dried. Poblano's are super popular in Mexico and almost always mild, but sometimes they can fool you and carry a bit of heat.

You can find dried chili's in a lot of supermarkets in the 'International section' or, sometimes, hanging on the shelves above the fresh vegetables. I buy mine from Penzey's Spices (I'm a whore for Penzey's - they could ask me to bend over and I'd say yes). A packet of 6 Guajillo chilis is $2.09 and a packet of 3 Ancho chili's is also $2.09. Very affordable. And I'm Mr. Cheap at the supermarket!

Bottom line -- dried chili's do NOT have to be soaked in hot water if you are going to chop them up and put them in a simple red sauce with tomatoes and spices. And the seeds in them do NOT have to be taken out, contrary to popular belief. BUT...they are much easier to work with if you DO soak them and they mix up much smoother in the sauce. So...if you have time, soak, if not don't worry and don't listen to anyone else about this. I've used tons of chili's so I know what I'm talking about.

This is a very simple sauce you can make in a jiffy. There is a surprise ingredient in this you won't expect. Get ready. It's weird but it works.

Today's meal:

2 CHILI SPICY MEXICAN RED SAUCE
over
SAVORY CHICKEN AND TENDER RICE CHIPOTLE ENCHILADAS

This is Mr. Bayless. SO adorable and SO talented. And straight.

Oh, well.

LET'S COOK!

SAUCE INGREDIENTS:

(This makes a LOT of sauce - you can easily cut this in half and have some to freeze)

1 package of dried Guajillo peppers (max of 8 pieces in bag)
2 packages dried Ancho peppers (max of 7 total peppers)
3 fresh jalapeno peppers, diced (if you must, take out the seeds from one pepper)
2 tablespoons corn oil
2 large white onions, diced medium
5 cloves garlic, diced medium
1 28 ounce can whole plumb tomatoes in sauce
1 28 ounce can whole plumb tomatoes in puree, (yes, there is a big difference)

And, get ready...

2 ounces of crème fraîche* (weird, I know, but it works)
1-3 teaspoons of honey

Salt and pepper to taste

*Crème fraîche is the European equivalent to sour cream in the states. It is less sour and much thicker than sour cream and imparts a very clean, rich taste to foods. It has close to 30% milk fat and has no additives or artificial ingredients like sour cream. Avoid 'lite crème fraîchee' as it may curdle in sauces and is only suitable for dipping and cold creams. Lite only has up to 10% less milk fat, so you aren't saving that many calories.

CHICKEN ENCHILADA INGREDIENTS:

1 tablespoon corn oil
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon Mexican oregano, regular oregano is fine
1/2 teaspoon
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 large white onion, diced small
3 large garlic cloves, diced small
2 canned chipotle chili's, plus 2 tablespoons sauce
1 rotisserie chicken, meat shredded and no skin
1 cup Monterey Jack or Pepper Jack cheese
1 package Uncle Ben's 90 second brown rice
1 cup salsa, see above recipe
8 corn or flour tortillas

LET'S COOK!

For the sauce...

Get out a large, non-stick skillet. Heat it up over medium-high heat until it's hot. Put half of the dry peppers into the hot skillet and using a spatula, press on the peppers for 1 minute, until you can smell them roasting.

Flip them over and do the same thing for 1 minute. Toasting the peppers brings out all the flavor without adding any calories or fat. Put the 1st batch of toasted peppers into a bowl.

Do this again with the remaining peppers. Put them in the bowl as well.

If you have time, soak the dry peppers. How? Pour boiling water over them for 30 minutes to soften. Drain the water and put them aside. If you do not have time, DON'T STRESS. This will still work.

Dice up the dry, roasted peppers into big pieces. You can keep the seeds if you want - it doesn't matter. Put aside in a large bowl.

Dice up the jalapenos. Put in 1/4 teaspoon of oil in the skillet, heat over medium-heat for 1 minute, throw in the jalapenos, cook for 2 minutes until browned, then add to the large bowl with the diced dry and roasted peppers.

Now add 3/4 teaspoon oil to the pan, heat, add the onions (with a tiny dash of salt to bring out the moisture). Cook for 5 minutes until translucent. Add your garlic and cook for 1 minute. One old trick in the kitchen - when you actually smell the food cooking, it's done! Garlic smells wonderful pretty fast, so that means you are done.

Turn the flame off and leave the skillet on the stove. Don't wipe it out!

Throw the onion and the garlic into the bowl with with the sauteed jalapenos, and the dry, roasted peppers.

Now - get out your blender. Add tomatoes and then add the bowl of peppers and onions. Puree for 30 seconds, or until smooth.

Carefully pour the puree into the skillet and cook over a medium-heat for 5 minutes. TASTE, TASTE, TASTE. You may need to add a bit of salt or pepper this point.

And get ready to make sure your lover or husband or wife leaves the rooms! The spices are strong and girl, they will make you cry!

Now, carefully add the crème fraîche. A dab does you. Add one tablespoon of honey. Don't be surprised if the sauce tastes a little bitter. Feel free to add up to 2 more tablespoons of honey and you're all set!

Put the cooked, thickened sauce aside.

YOU DID IT! YOU MADE THE LOW-FAT, LOW-CALORIE SAUCE!

Time for the Chicken Burritos!

LET'S COOK!Remove the meat from the chicken carcass (that word is so gross - 'carass'. ew and double ew).

Put the meat from the carcass (ew) into a large glass bowl.

Get out a clean 8 inch skillet. Heat up the oil for 1 minute over a medium heat.

Add the first 8 ingredients and cook for 5 minutes. Stir often, making sure it doesn't burn. This shit will make you tear up, so open a window or put on that fan. Andy hates this part. He coughs and coughs while my Mexican neighbors drool.

When it's done, throw it into the bowl with the chicken and mix in the cheese and mix. Heat up the rice in the microwave and throw into the bowl and mix.

Add ONE CUP OF THE SALSA. Mix, mix, mix.

TASTE, TASTE, TASTE. Add salt and pepper but watch that damn salt!

Now, get out a Pyrex dish - a large casserole version. Pour 1/2 cup of sauce on the bottom of the pan.

Heat up your oven to 325 degrees.

Roll up the chicken mixture into the tortillas and fill them tightly into the pan. I find it will hold 8 nicely. On this, you want a tight fit. Tight fit. No comment.

Drizzle some of the salsa over burritos, sprinkle on a bit of cheese and pop in the oven for 25-35 minutes. If the cheese or burritos are browning too quickly, spray a piece of aluminum foil with olive oil Pam and cover.

Enjoy!

Mikey...Your Food Therapist!

Ziryab! King of Carmelized Tomatoes! (and the joy and wonder which is Kimmy LaKim).

2009-08-20T12:36:00.019-04:00

Today's posting is from my dear friend, Kimmy LaKim. Kimmy LaKim lives in a small town in Conneticut. She owns the infamous Kimmy LaKim Film and TV production company, Streetwise Pictures based in NYC and is a spirit of great love and generosity. I adore Kimmy LaKim.

See her here: http://streetwisepictures.com/about/

And I can't stop writing her name. Kimmy LaKim, Kimmy LaKim, Kimmy LaKim.

Kimmy LaKim is not her birth name. Her birth name is Kim Jackson (if you're nasty) but I feel, very strongly, she must change it to the aforementioned Kimmy LaKim.

She is my guest blogger today. Here is the wild, beautiful, sexy, amazing, sublime Goddess who is truly one of the best friends I could ever hope for in this life.

Ladies and Gentlemen!

Kim Jackson's take on the famous Persian chef Ziryab's "Chicken with Caramelized Tomatoes"!

Take it away, Kimmy LaKim!

I know. She's fucking hot, right?

Here is Kim in her own words:

Ziryab's real name was Abu l-Hasan 'Ali Ibn Nafi'. He was a Persian man who lived from 789-857. It was said that he was given the name Ziryab because of his dark complexion, eloquence and melodious voice. Oooh, doesn't he sound yummy, a tall dark man with a voice like chocolate cream pie....

The eclectic nature of Ziryab’s accomplishments include music, fashion and cuisine. He was a truly a Persian renaissance man and was well versed in many areas of classical study such as astronomy, history, and geography.

He is also known to have invented an early toothpaste and under-arm deodorants and new short hairstyles leaving the neck, ears and eyebrows free, as well as shaving for men. Well, now we're talking...who doesn't love a clean shaven man?

So did this guy cook!??? Yes, not only did he cook but he introducing new fruit and vegetables such as asparagus, and introduced the three-course meal, insisting that meals should be served in three separate courses consisting of soup, the main course, and dessert.

He also introduced the use of crystal as a container for drinks, which was more effective than metal goblets. Prior to his arrival in al-Andalus in 822, there had been no style in food presentation since the Roman Empire. Food was served plainly on platters on bare tables, much as remains the "traditional" style in the middle east to this day. Barbarians!

Ziryab brought with him many dishes from Baghdad, (including the Chicken with Caramelized Tomatoes recipe), introduced fine tablecloths and glassware instead of metal goblets, and developed a new order of service for the table.

This "more elegant, better-bred and modern style" became established in al-Andalus, thence spread across the Pyrenees to Europe, and became the standard service we still use today.

Ziryab changed that....OK, only a gay man has that much passion! It God love Ziryab and thank you for all you did in the name of culture and cuisine.

Tell us more, Kim! How fascinating!

Chicken with Caramelized Tomatoes
Djej b-matisha
(Morocco)

Serves 4

4 1/2 lbs. very ripe tomatoes, peeled, seeded and chopped
1 large chicken, cut into 8 pieces
1 chopped onion
2 cloves of garlic chopped
3 tbsp honey
8 tbsp butter
1 cup toasted blanched almonds
1 tbsp toasted sesame seeds
1/2 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp. ginger
1/2 tsp. saffron
1 tsp. cinnamon powder
Salt

In a heavy pot, place the chicken, tomatoes, butter, onions, garlic, salt, pepper, ginger, saffron, and 1 cup of water. Cook over medium heat for 45 minutes.

Remove the pieces of chicken from the pot, as soon as they are cooked.

Caramelize the tomatoes by stirring them frequently and then add the honey and cinnamon, still stirring.

Place the chicken back in the pot for a few minutes, to give it the flavor of the sauce.

Arrange the chicken in an attractive serving dish, pour the sauce over it, and top with toasted almonds and sesame seeds.

So, I made this dish a few nights ago with all the tomatoes from our "garden" on the balcony of our fabulous beach pad that we fondly call the Pirates Den. I was specifically looking for a recipe for these tomatoes, because they've started going red and I can't keep up with them!!!

I did not use 4 pounds of tomatoes and also did not peel them (which I now recommend) because we have Roma tomatoes and they are smallish and if I seeded them and peeled them, there would be nothing left. But the sauce still came out good, but I'm looking forward to making this again using the right amount and type of tomatoes.

Now, the garlic was not in the ingredients list, but was listed in the first line of the directions (I love how precise they are), so I just added 2-3 cloves of garlic chopped, because I love garlic. It could not really be tasted because the saffron flavor was very strong...and can be overpowering, so I'd use this sparingly, to taste!

The sauce is very decadent, so I also made some brown rice and added chopped fresh prunes (another Persian favorite), basil and salt while it was boiling. You can make any kind of rice, but I do recommend some kind of side dish to soak up that fabulous sauce!

What I love about this recipe is that it's very easy and it feels so good to be cooking it. I felt very connected to ancient Persia and to this interestingly fearless man, Ziryab. I felt romantic and creative (even though it was someone else's recipe). What a simple pleasure. I love exploring Middle Eastern cuisine and learning more about the culture and origin of the people through their food!

Enjoy!

5 Minute Chicken Persillade!

2009-08-18T10:20:00.028-04:00

Some of my favorite food memories are of a trip my hubby and I took to Paris a few years ago. The food was as everyone said - magnifique! French cuisine is very simple and elegant. If you use a few very simple ingredients and you use them sparingly, you can have a wonderfully French tasting dish on the table in moments!

It is true a lot of French cooking involves butter and oil, but if it really were as fattening as American's belabor it as being, why are the French so much skinnier than American's? The answer is obvious!

They eat in much smaller amounts and don't gorge like we tend to do.

A small bit of Dijon mustard, one tablespoon of pure, creamy, unsalted European butter, one or two tablespoons of rich olive oil, just a few slivers of tangy Gruyère cheese is all one needs to have a splendid meal.

Julia Child and James Beard got this and clearly so does one of my idols, Jacques Pepin.

But using Gruyère cheese! Oh, my! It's so controversial!

The cow's milk cheese is named after the town of Gruyères in Switzerland, and originated in the cantons of Fribourg, Vaud, Neuchâtel, Jura, and Berne. Before 2001, when Gruyère gained Appellation d'Origine Contrôlée (AOC) status as a Swiss cheese, there was controversy whether French cheeses of a similar nature could also be labeled Gruyère. (French Gruyère-style cheeses include Comté and Beaufort.)

French Gruyère-style cheeses must have holes according to French agricultural law, whereas Swiss Gruyère is a solid cheese with no holes.

Gruyère is sweet and has a delightful and nutty flavor. A bit salty. Very creamy when it's very young and as it ages, more assertive, earthy, and complex. Sounds like me!

This dish is an American version of Chicken Persillade, which is simply parsley chopped together with seasonings including garlic, herbs, oil, and vinegar.

The simplest and most common form is parsley and garlic and is often one part of a cooks mise en place, meaning 'everything in place' or the entire set up of a meal.

If added early in cooking, it becomes mellow; but when it is added at the end of cooking or as a garnish, it provides a smooth jolt, which is exactly what we are doing here.

Many cooks used this with only garlic and oil, but I like to add a tiny bit of butter and a large shallot to make it more of a simple dressing.

It literally takes 5 minutes and you are ready to eat! I can't stand to use the oven on hot days. It's barberic.

According to a simple search on the Internet, I am told it is is extensively used in French cuisine and Greek cuisine, as well as in Cajun cuisine, Louisiana Creole cuisine, and the cuisine of Quebec.

I have yet to cook Quebec cuisine but don't put it past me!

LET'S COOK!

CHICKEN PERSILLADE!

But a plump organic rotisserie chicken at the supermarket. If you can only get Perdue or some such, that's fine. Try to avoid one labeled barbecue or lemon seasoning. They have been brined to the point of no return and are much too salty!

I prefer a bird about 4 pounds for 4 meals; one pound of meat per person.

Now, you can simply cut it and put it over greens, but then you have the fatty skin which, while tasty, can be a bit heavy with the accompanying persillade.

I shred the meat off of the chicken and put it in a bowl. Don't throw out the plastic container the chicken came in. Those juices will come in handy later.

Over a head of Boston lettuce (wonderfully meaty, buttery and herb tasting green; try it instead of mixed greens or Romaine) spread over four plates, sprinkle the meat so it is evenly distributed.

Sliced up a handful of fresh, summer radishes and put them on the side of the plate.

Tear up one baguette into large, bite size pieces over the chicken over the four plates. Pepper everything lightly.

Dice up a few strips of Gruyère cheese over the mixture and then get ready to make the very quick, simple persillade.

Now add 3 tablespoons good-quality extra virgin olive oil and 1 tablespoon unsalted European style butter to a small pan over medium heat until the butter stop bubbling (this tells you when its hot enough)...add one large shallot diced very small, one small head of garlic and cook for 30 seconds and then add 4 tablespoons chopped flat-leaf parsley and the juices from the container the bird came.

Immediately dribble the wonderfully aromatic mixture over the chicken, bread and greens mixture and serve. Add pepper as needed.

A delightful and tasty French meal for a hot August day!

Bon Appétit!